How to make last days before baby special for DC1

[JJB92]

Hi
I am now 38 weeks and going for a scheduled C-section on the 25th of DC2 doesn't decide to arrive before then. My DD is almost 3.5 and very excited about the new arrival, but I am still trying to think of ideas to make this time special for her.

I was thinking maybe like an advent calendar counting down for 10 sleeps. And I know people give a gift from baby, but I have no idea what.

I am almost mindful that most of our friends would probably bring a small gift for baby and mostly pay attention to him when they visit. Not sure how to prevent her from feeling very excluded.

Any ideas and experiences welcome.

Thanks!

An advent calendar is way too much pressure. For people visiting, most will know to make a fuss of her and will bring something for both of them. If not, you just give the present to her to unwrap. Just take her to the park and enjoy spending time with her - it doesn't (and in my opinion shouldn't) be time focused on the new baby.

I think an "advent" calendar puts too much pressure on her. As excited as she may be about the baby coming the baby is not "for her" and she will experience a range of different emotions when the reality of having a sibling kicks in. Just try to do the usual things you do with her and keep everything as calm and routine as possible.

Just carry on as normal. I got my eldest a ‘present from the baby’ and she told me but babies can’t go to the shop? 🤣

Don’t stress. Maybe get a nice story book about new babies in the family. We had a couple of those which were helpful

Do you have a build a bear near you? She could build a bear for herself and the baby.

Why can't she just learn that everything doesn't revolve around her and a new baby is going to get more attention

Give her a doll when the baby arrives so she has a baby to look after too. Don't bother with anything else.

Thanks for the advice! Maybe I am overthinking it.

She can (and will) definitely learn that everything doesn't revolve around her and there will be a lot of sharing of 'her' things - books, toys, baby towels, blankets, pram etc.

We have a build-a-bear nearby. That's a nice idea!

Just spend the days doing stuff 1 on 1 with your daughter and make sure you get rest too!

Well you sound delightful. She’s 3 and a half years old and a new sibling is going to be a huge change. Have some compassion maybe?

Bless you OP. I was in almost exactly the same position as you this time last year - due DC2 at the end of the month with an almost 3.5yo DD. I agree with PP to just enjoy 1:1 time while you can and maybe take her out to buy a present for the baby. Our family and friends were very good at giving DD attention too and made sure to do that before going after the baby. A year down the line and the two of them have a lovely bond. Good luck x

We made sure to always say 'we' and 'our' to include DD e.g. 'our baby will be born next week, what do we need to pack in the bag?' etc. DD loved having a little pram to push her teddies in and enjoyed helping e.g. getting a nappy. I would focus on giving her attention afterwards. Sometimes I would say things like 'baby DS, you want your milk don't you, I'm just going to get DDs snack and then I'll feed you', so DD wasn't always second for things.

When I was a toddler, my baby brother bought me a present when he was born. (I was 2.5 and thought they had taken my newborn brother to ToysRUs to purchase it!).

Bad idea imo. Just keep things normal and low key. Give dd a present from the baby, when you first see dd after baby try to arrange it so that you aren’t t holding the baby then you can great dd with a normal hug and bit of a chat and then - by the way here is your bro would you like to see him.

You could get her a little dolls pram for when the weather is nicer so she can push hers along side yours if she doesn’t have one already :)

Let her be the first visitor to hold the baby.
When she arrives make sure the baby is in the cot.
Get her to be your helper.
Lots of praise and lots of photos of her.
A baby doll might be a good present.

This. A doll or something which she can be engrossed in during long boring feeds, or walks with the baby is a good idea. (For ds1 it was a pirate ship, that he had longed for.)

As well as making sure that ds2 was in the cot when ds1 first saw him, we also made a point of saying "Now you are a big brother" rather than saying "Mummys has a baby". It was 100% the right thing for him. Instead of seeing himself as replaced, he saw the baby as the person who was going to be his little brother, and stepped up into the role brilliantly.

Hth.

DS is 3y8m and DD arrived last week.
We didn't do any kind of countdown as there was too much uncertainty around arrival date but we talked about what would happen when the baby was coming (going to stay with grandparents etc). He wanted to put nappies on his teddies so I gave him a few nappies to play with. DH took him to a favourite softplay a few days before (so I could rest) but otherwise we tried to keep things as normal as possible.

When he arrived home the baby was in the pram bassinet sleeping (I'd fed her when I knew they were leaving grandparents & thankfully timed it right!). We had big cuddles then showed him the baby sleeping in pram & gave him a Hotwheels set "from her". He then spent some time assembling it with DH &; playing with it together while grandparents cuddled the baby, so he had some 1-2-1 attention while she was getting attention.

He likes helping so I will ask him to fetch me things (nappies, muslin cloth etc) when I need to change or feed baby. I try and make sure we have some 1-2-1 time for cuddles and stories during the day as DH is doing bedtime routine (baby is BF & tends to cluaterfeed in the evenings).

I had my second in September and I took her to the shop for her to pick our something to give to the baby and then bought her a toy that we have her from her new baby brother.

I had hoped to have some time to make things special for her before baby arrived but I spent most of 33 to 36 weeks in and out of hospital and was then called in for an induction at 36+6 and ended up not having any quality time with her. I had so much mum guilt but it was misplaced. Be easy on yourself and don't put too much pressure on yourself to make the next week or so special.

I would a countdown as even with a planned c section you don't necessarily know the date of the birth. Baby could decide to come early or if there are too many emcs you planned date night get bumped. It might be more upsetting to think there are 5 more sleeps less and then baby arrived the next day

Thank you all - both for the advice and just the overall support! For some reason this transition feels much more daunting to me than the first, and it really helps so much to hear the experiences from other moms who has made the transition from one to two.

She loves her baby doll and plays with her constantly. Doesn't have a doll stroller but she has a shop trolley that she pushes them in, so I am thinking a nice wooden doll bed (I am sure her brother will end up in there😄) and perhaps a few more outfits so she can also change her baby when her brother gets changed.

Other than that, we are keeping things as normal as possible and making sure we spend some quality time together and talking her through what will happen (grandparents coming over, mom being in hospital etc.). This is also a great reminder for me to include her wherever I can and to make sure I don't always give priority to the baby. Babies can also wait. It's good to be mindful of it and intentionally looking for opportunities.

@Superscientist I'm so sorry that you didn't get the time with your first you we hoping for, but I hope you 3 are all doing well now! 🌻@AwkwardPaws27 wow you are still very much in the thick of the new baby phase! Wishing you all the best with your new tiny human and your toddler🌸

I think people over think this to be honest. I think the more fuss you make the more she will pick up on that and see the whole things as a big deal/scary change. I would just talk to her casually about what life will be like with a new sibling and make sure when the baby arrives that you still give her lots of cuddles and attention too. Even with all of these things, it is still going to be an adjustment for her as it is for everyone in the family, but that's okay.