8 weeks pregnant with twins

[AREJAAG]

I have just found out today that I am pregnant with twins. I have known about the pregnancy for a couple of weeks now and me and my partner decided that we weren’t ready for another baby and booked an appointment to discuss a termination which was today, and I had a scan which showed twins. I have a 10 year old daughter and a 20 month old son. I love them both to bits and I already feel that my daughter has had to take a bit of a backseat whilst I’ve been so busy with my youngest. I really thought that I wanted to terminate the pregnancy but now I’ve found out it’s twins I just feel differently about it which is ridiculous because if I couldn’t cope with 1 more baby I’m not sure how I think I can cope with 2!
I just feel so guilty, I feel like it’s 2 lives that I’m taking away but on the other hand I feel like it’s really unfair on the children I already have. We have a 3bed house and my son still hasn’t moved into his own bedroom yet. We have no room, no money and I’ve changed my hours to part time to save money on childcare for my son. I can’t afford a bigger car and it’s already difficult with 2 children as I have a 3 door. I’m so concerned about money and space and sharing my time evenly between everyone. I also have holidays coming up but I don’t think I would be any more than 30 weeks pregnant so I think that should still be okay.
I know my partner is going to totally disagree with me but am I stupid for considering keeping them? He agreed with me tho that if we won the lottery and got a bit house and maybe hired a little bit of help that we would absolutely keep them.
has anyone been in a similar situation?
i am so confused and upset I just have no idea what to do.

You poor thing, you must be an emotional wreck! All I can say is, don’t terminate if you’re unsure. You have to be 100% certain that you don’t want a baby, when you make that decision. Take a breath, find someone to talk to. It’s a massive decision and you have to make the right decision for you and your family. 💐

As someone who has twins, I would urge you to look beyond the fact that there are two fertilised eggs and not ‘humanise’ what, at the end of the day, is a practical decision. I would always, always be in favour of prioritising your existing children.

Twins can be a blessing. They can also do an absolute number on your life. I don’t think they should be any more romanticised than a singe pregnancy.

I don’t claim that the decision is an easy or straightforward one.

Didn’t want to read and run but if I was in your situation, I’d keep them, but that’s not my body and life it’s yours
you must have to much emotions right now I feel for you

Hi OP, I found out I was pregnant and was always going to keep the baby but then it was twins and I panicked.
I would say, all of the above reasons are completely valid!
you aren’t taking 2 lives. You are making a decision that is right for your family.
the house space, the job, the car etc were all massive reasons for us. And I only calmed down once we can up with a plan of action. We are also lucky that we had the space in our current home.
only you can decide this. It’s your body.
you don’t have to make any decisions yet. Give your self 48 hours to prices and talk to your other half. You can make it work if you really want too. But no one would judge you for choosing your current family either.

Thank you so much everyone. I have a lot to think about x

I appreciate the honesty, I think I really needed to hear this

I’m not sure but you sound as if you really really want to keep them. I don’t know what I’d do in your situation. Twins sound hard. Also, I was expecting twins at 8 weeks but by 10 weeks one had vanished. Just some food for thought. Wish you well!

I have DT’s who are now in their mid 20’s. All children are life changing but twins are hard work. I was lucky as we had the money to make things as easy as possible. Not sure I would have coped if I already had an elder child.
Don’t look at the question of an abortion affecting two babies - they are cells at the moment. You need to consider the children you already have and how further children would impact them.

I suspect that having had a scan, is what has made you feel emotional, as it makes it feel more humanised. But at you just have 2 fetus, not babies.

Having had a termination, I will 100% say you need to be sure. Both my partner and I knew we didn't want to proceed with that pregnancy. So I didn't go through the emotions you are feeling - Obviously I thought through the options but I never felt strong emotions during the decision process. A termination was tough even though i wanted one. It's not an easy route.

It seems like you are doubting (which is OK) and some of your issues are easily overcome. So you can either make a plan (your 20month old and new babies could all room share and 10yr old have box room, get a cheap used car and no holidays in the next few years til finances allow, lots of hand me downs, you don't need to worry about childcare costs, your 10yr old will be fine just like every single person on the planet with siblings cope).

But if you really feel it will put a strain on your life, it is perfectly OK to prioritise your existing children.

I had twins with a toddler. Incredibly hard work. I had no help and had to go back to work when they were 4 months with DH and I working opposite shifts. Nearly broke me.

I remember being quite distressed when I found out it was twins because the first had been very hard. Of course we all survived and of course I love every hair on the head of my children but don’t feel guilty if you decide you can’t do it. It’s entirely up to you and your partner and nobody else.

You are not ending two lives you are ending the potential of two lives for the benefit of the two children you have. That’s very valid and brave you have nothing to feel guilty about.

It’s never easy to make such a decision but I agree with a lot people said that you must consider practically for your own situation. They are fetus at the moment but will become babies, it’s worse to bring them to world and then regret and struggle (unless of course you are willing to do so) than making an hard but reasonable decision for your family and your situation. It’s very hard either way but Do talk it with you DH as you must be aligned so you c can get through whatever difficulties come your way later.

You’re clearly torn to be posting here. I wouldn’t want to be in your position and I really feel for you. you have to do what’s right for you and if you’re already struggling, it will get harder. Whatever decision you make, you are making it for the right reasons. Don’t be too hard on yourself.