Advice when to tell children about pregnancy-pregnant after loss

Mol1925 · 2026-02-09T12:09:27+00:00

Hi everyone just looking for some advice. I have 2 children 8 and 5, and sadly had 2 early losses last year (a missed miscarriage and a miscarriage). I also lost a baby before we had my 5yo TFMR. I'm now almost 11 weeks pregnant, had 3 early reassurance scans at the hospital which all went well and have 12 week scan coming up. I'm just really unsure when to tell my children, I'd love to just be able to tell them at 12 weeks after the scan but if I'm being honest a part of me is frightened something will happen after that. I am really worried about affecting them and their childhood. They didnt know about my early losses last year, just that I was unwell for a while. Everything so far has been going well but I can't shake the feeling. Any advice? Thank you xx

Hopingrae · 09/02/2026 13:24

Congrats on your pregnancy OP, glad things seem to be progressing well so far. You probably can't shake the feeling because that is what tends to happens after previous losses, even if you didn't have children to tell. I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant with DC3 with a few previous losses behind me. I told my 4yo after 12 week scan, i thought I might wait longer but was quite excited to tell him in the end. I'm still conscious things could go wrong at any point as I know they're are no guarantees with anything (although I know I'm at a point where hopefully I've got more chance of a positive outcome). But it's been lovely having him share the journey and he likes to look at the app that show's the baby's size week by week. Do what you're comfortable with I guess. Best of luck to you x

Macadamian · 09/02/2026 13:56

Do you have any practical constraints? Eg...
Obviously they will notice a bump, but when that is likely to show depends on your size and height. You'll have to tell them at this point.
Are you planning to tell any other family members? It might be tricky to ask eg your mum not to mention it to the kids, just because if she accidentally lets slip it would be such a shame if they found out that way.

I once kept one secret from other adults in the family until 22 weeks (with baggy jumpers), but I think it would be harder to hide a bump from people you actually live with.

Grekkie9 · 09/02/2026 14:04

I lost a baby at 20 weeks last year. We told my children (5&2) about this current pregnancy after the 12 week scan. I was very honest with my 5 year old in that I was scared and I couldn't promise that anything bad wouldn't happen but we'd keep our fingers crossed for a healthy baby and take each day at a time.
It's a really personal choice when you've had previous losses. I wanted to share the news at 12 weeks as although I was terrified I wanted some happiness and excitement too.
Good luck.

Original poster

Mol1925 · 09/02/2026 17:07

Macadamian · 09/02/2026 13:56

Do you have any practical constraints? Eg...
Obviously they will notice a bump, but when that is likely to show depends on your size and height. You'll have to tell them at this point.
Are you planning to tell any other family members? It might be tricky to ask eg your mum not to mention it to the kids, just because if she accidentally lets slip it would be such a shame if they found out that way.

I once kept one secret from other adults in the family until 22 weeks (with baggy jumpers), but I think it would be harder to hide a bump from people you actually live with.

Yes all adults in the family know so I am quite conscious someone could mention it accidentally as well after 12 weeks and would much rather tell them ourselves xxx

OP posts:

Original poster

Mol1925 · 09/02/2026 17:07

Grekkie9 · 09/02/2026 14:04

I lost a baby at 20 weeks last year. We told my children (5&2) about this current pregnancy after the 12 week scan. I was very honest with my 5 year old in that I was scared and I couldn't promise that anything bad wouldn't happen but we'd keep our fingers crossed for a healthy baby and take each day at a time.
It's a really personal choice when you've had previous losses. I wanted to share the news at 12 weeks as although I was terrified I wanted some happiness and excitement too.
Good luck.

So sorry for your loss and thank you for the advice xxx

OP posts:

SarahAndQuack · 09/02/2026 18:28

Fingers crossed for you.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way, but FWIW, my DD is 8. I've done two rounds of IVF recently and I'm now pregnant. I talked to her pretty early on, but very cautiously, in terms of 'there might be a baby but there might not'. I had a bleed at 9 weeks and I did tell her then that it was possible the baby wouldn't make it. She asked some questions but I really don't think she was upset or bothered by it.

I actually think in general it is good to talk about these things in quite a matter-of-fact way with children, because as a society we need better awareness of pregnancy loss. But if you don't want to talk about it to them, equally, there is nothing wrong with that.

Original poster

Mol1925 · 10/02/2026 07:52

SarahAndQuack · 09/02/2026 18:28

Fingers crossed for you.

I don't think there's a right or wrong way, but FWIW, my DD is 8. I've done two rounds of IVF recently and I'm now pregnant. I talked to her pretty early on, but very cautiously, in terms of 'there might be a baby but there might not'. I had a bleed at 9 weeks and I did tell her then that it was possible the baby wouldn't make it. She asked some questions but I really don't think she was upset or bothered by it.

I actually think in general it is good to talk about these things in quite a matter-of-fact way with children, because as a society we need better awareness of pregnancy loss. But if you don't want to talk about it to them, equally, there is nothing wrong with that.

Thanks so much for this. Yes I definately want to tell them and be excited etc but definately just feel anxious in the background. A midwife said to me, if , God forbid something happens later down the line they will know somethings wrong anyway. And I guess sometimes it's best to be honest xx
Good luck with everything xx

OP posts:

SarahAndQuack · 10/02/2026 07:57

I think your midwife is probably right.

Good luck to you too! xx

Coffeeandbooks88 · 10/02/2026 09:31

I waited until 24 weeks and was showing quite a bit.