6+3 - anxiety and detachment from much wanted second pregnancy

[TashieWoo]

Good morning, I am 6+3 with baby no 2 (DD is 3.5) and I think being that bit older, I am 37 and DP is 44, I am more aware of the risks and I am in a way waiting for bad news. It is an anxious wait for the 12-week scan which I have a date for, but I am taking the approach of if there are no negative symptoms ie bleeding and/or excessive cramping, then hopefully everything is okay. I have only taken one test on the day of my missed period.

With my first I took a test a week after to check progression, then had an early private scan at 7 weeks. I’m still thinking of doing this, but the thought of receiving bad news terrifies me. As well as a worrying NT result at the 12-weeks scan.

Can anyone else relate to this and is my approach reasonable? Is there anything anyone can suggest to help ease anxiety; maybe I should go for that private scan at the end of the week. This is probably a pointless post, but essentially I feel a bit detached from this very much planned and wanted pregnancy and I’m just expecting the worst; I can’t wait to the stage when we can tell DD she’s going to be a big sister and start to get excited.

thank you for reading x

It’s probably worth getting the early scan. Just to give you peace of mind. It won’t stop you worrying, but you’ll at least know that things are ok as of X date.
My second pregnancy ended in miscarriage and with my third I felt similar to you - like I didn’t want to get attached to the idea of having a baby. But having a couple of early scans helped ease the anxiety somewhat.

No good advice, but just wanted to say I relate. Your feelings are totally valid. I've had a lot of anxiety about my current pregnancy. Honestly the only things that have helped have been time and avoiding any stories of miscarriages etc, and really trying to avoid googling every symptom. For me, any extra information/scans just gave me more to get worked up about in advance/ fixate on afterwards.

I struggled with the disconnect between how I was feeling and how I was "supposed" to feel. But honestly, I realised in time that so many people are feeling like us. For some people it is black and white joy and excitement, but feeling something other than that is absolutely understandable and ok!

I’m exactly the same, 37 more aware of what can go wrong and anxiety hits bad.
I’d honestly say sit back and enjoy the pregnancy.
i went for an early scan and it’s caused more anxiety and worry because my dates just don’t add up.
i really wish I’d have just sat back and waited for the 12 week scan x

Worth getting an early scan, but I wouldn’t do it before 8 weeks, just because after 8 weeks and the first essential steps the neural tube takes by then, seeing a heartbeat will be more reliable that the baby will retain that heartbeat.

At 6 weeks pregnant into my second much wanted baby I was considering a termination because of my horrible nausea and anxiety. I had a loss in 2022 and a son in 2023 which our pregnancy was full of anxiety.

I pushed through those feelings, had a scan at 7 weeks and everything ok, had my 12 week scan and results through and baby all ok. I’m now 16 weeks and we’ve just found out we’re having a girl and I’m over the moon.

So in them 10 weeks I’ve gone from I can’t feel attached or do this, to I’m so glad I pushed through the anxiety and sickness.

Sending love, definitely advise having the early scan x

Thank you all for the really kind replies, I know it’s tough for us all, especially those who have experienced loss, but it is reassuring to know that my feelings are valid. The waiting to know if everything is okay is tough, but I’m thinking that hopefully I will have a whole pregnancy to enjoy and a healthy baby after this stage. Still on the fence about having an early scan, DP doesn’t want one, but it certainly won’t be until 7.5 weeks+.

@Niftymum88 I hope that you get positive answers at your next scan, best wishes x