Am I leaving it to late for TTC at 35

[SadSoul92]

Hello,

im currently 33 and 34 this year. I’m going to be getting married next year and ideally wanted to wait until I get married before TTC and by then we will also be in a much better financial position (paid off some debts) however the more i read in to it the more im freaking out that it will be a lot harder. I also had a period this month that seemed lighter than usually and not painful which is usually is and this has also panicked me. Am I over thinking? I know I could have issues TTC at any age but I’m really worried that leaving it another 18months could make it a lot harder.

I wouldn’t wait tbh, based on experiences of people around us.

I’m currently pregnant with my third at 37, which was a complete surprise as we were not trying. According to the app, ovulation was a week away when we had sex that month. Our other two will be 11 and 7 years older than this one.

that said, my sister in law waited til 37 to start trying, and they’re currently going through IVF, as they’d waited too long. Similar situation for my friend, who also went through IVF.

they say your chances of getting pregnant decrease significantly to it being close to impossible about 10 years before menopause. That can be anywhere from mid 30s to mid 40s normally.

so I’d say just go for it now! With our first, I got accidentally pregnant at 25 after we’d only been going out two weeks and weren’t officially together. My husband was even in between jobs and living with his parents at the time. All worked out for us then, so I wouldn’t worry about things not being perfect.

I started at 31 and had my first (and only) at 38 - multiple rounds of miscarriages and fertility investigations. Uterine problems which I couldn’t have predicted before I started trying, and which unfortunately IVF couldn’t help.

35 is absolutely fine if you have no problems, but will feel far too late if you do have trouble conceiving.

This is MN. The majority of people here are mothers (not all, I know) but you are going to have a lot of women posting saying ‘I got pregnant in my late 30s/40s. It’s a statistical bias.

I am one of those women. I had DC in my late 30s, both natural conceptions. I also had losses and pregnancy complications that may have been age related.

My cousin, who was not TTC, had a baby at 47. Several friends who were also TTC in their 30s did not get pregnant. About half my friends who went on and had IVF did not have a baby. Fertility declines as we get older.

If you’re worrying, can you see a specialist privately? Ask for an informed opinion on your body and your chances of conception. You’ve mentioned finances being tight. Fertility treatments cost tens of thousands. I’m not here to scaremonger but to recommend making an informed choice, based on your and your partner’s biology.

I would get fertility mot for you and your partner to see where to stand so you make an informed choice and see if waiting would be ok or not.

having gone through 5 years of infertility and mcs (started at 35) I would tell my daughter to start sooner than later. You can always make more money. You can’t ever buy more time. Though my sister got pregnant first month of trying at 35, and most people don’t have issues.

I got married at 35 and got pregnant 3 months later after trying just once. I was also a bit doubtful deep down but for me getting married before having kids was really important. My husband decided too late to propose me otherwise we would have tried earlier! 😆 We’ve been together for 10 years lol

The perfect timing is your timing. Do not compare and do not stress about it.

I got married at 36, we waited a year before trying.

We managed to have a baby when I was 39. However, we were not able to have any more children biologically. We adopted our second child.

If we had started earlier I don't know if anything would have been different.

I don't know if waiting will affect anything for you or not.

In your position, I'd wait to get married or maybe start TTC, a couple of months before the wedding.

On proper if would make sense to wait. (Finances, your mums mice. Wedding)

ask yourself how you'd feel if you were unable to conceive then. Would you regret having waited to TTC or would you be fine with not having children? That's what it comes down to.

if you really can't imagine your life without kids, start now, The rest can be sorted.

I had my 6th child at 35, and am now about to enter the 3rd trimester with final baby number 7 at the age of 38!!!!!

Firstly, 35 is definitely not too late to start trying BUT from my experience I would tell anyone to not wait for the perfect time.

We were 32 when we first started TTC and nothing happened. Long story short we needed IVF due to my husbands sperm. Never saw that one coming. We did IVF privately which saved us a huge amount of time otherwise on NHS it would’ve been an additional 2 years.

I would def get MOT for you both to see if there are any issues. Then you can make an informed decision.

good luck! X

We can’t start TTC until I’m almost 38, and tbh I worry if I’ll be mentally ready even then, so you’re definitely overthinking/worrying. You could get a fertility test to put your mind at ease?

Nobody can answer this for you. Other's experiences will have no bearing on your own. You have very reasonable reasons to wait, so as long as you are at peace with that, then stick to your plan. You could always pay for a private fertility check, to put your mind at ease. It could flag issues like low egg reserve, hormone issues, low sperm count etc, which could indicate it may take longer to conceive, which may make you alter your plans.

I wouldn’t wait too much longer. There are more risks of having a disabled child or having complications during your pregnancy as you and your partner get older. While your risks are still low, they are increasing slightly with every passing year. If you are worried about not being married before a baby arrives, you could have a simple registry office ceremony while pregnant.

When my cousin found out she was pregnant while planning her wedding, she rang up the bridal shop and arranged to have some extra panels added to her dress. The shop said it happens quite often!

I think if there's issues, waiting a year won't make a big difference. Why don't you and your partner get fertility tests now, of course not definitive but might give you an idea. Worrying or stressing won't help either, and remember it's normal to take a year to conceive.