Are 21 week scans normally weird about the baby's gender?

[LindenLee23]

My husband and I are 2 for 2 having sort of strange experiences at the same hospital for the second ~21 week ultrasound when it comes to the topic of being told the baby's sex and are wondering if this is common or just something strange we've experienced.

With our first the sonographer was playfully antagonistic about family intuitions and things for the sex of our baby and was disappointed when she found that our instinct was correct. She was friendly about it, at least, though made some strange comments like about a previous woman whose mother was so insistent on it being one sex and then it was the other and she reveled in that grandmother's being wrong. It was a bit strange but she at least had a good mood overall about it, I will say.

This past time the sonographer wasn't even going to ask if we wanted to know, I had to ask if we had the option when I realized she had looked at everything and was wrapping up our appointment. To be fair it was later in the day, the area had been empty when we arrived (admittedly a few minutes late but went right in and baby was in sight almost instantly; we were out of the appointment in less then ten minutes from starting unlike with our first who kept moving out of view) and she barely passed over, we didn't get to see anything, and told us "it's giving boy vibes" and we got our photos printed and were sent on our way to the waiting room for the papers to take home. In the pictures she selected to print for us to have the whole baby isn't featured either, mainly just the head and some of the torso which is unlike our first who was fully in shot for her set.

After feeling a bit disappointed with how this last time went, my husband and I chatted about it how weird it was and how even the first time didn't quite sit right though it was a more positive experience overall. He commented that one would expect the sonographers to at least have better bedside manner at the very least. Both times we had made it very clear we'd be thrilled boy or girl either way (which is true), we were just curious and having fun with getting to look and have a better idea as we understand to be a norm. Is there something about the situation we just don't know or is it maybe just our local hospital's attitude potentially?

It’s NHs policy in our area not to give the sex at scans at all. You have to pay for a private scan here. I can see several reasons why NHs sonographers might be reluctant to tbh so perhaps it’s to do with that. I suspect many of them would rather not be pressed into making a determination.

I was told no problem with my daughter.. in fact, she asked - do you want to know! So i guess it all depends on the area and/or the sonographer you get! Xx

How come you had two 20 week ultrasound scans?

The purpose of the scan is to check the babies anatomy. This can at times be very difficult. Photos are nice to have but sometimes the baby won't be in a good position to get the full body on so you might just get a head shot or something else. They won't have the time to spend to get a perfect photo because it's not what the scan is for.

It's nice if they can be jolly about the sex but it's massively trivialising their job to bring it down to this.

Depends on the area. My first PG I was happily told sex at scan.. second we lived in east london and prediominantly Pakistani Muslim area so we were not allowed to find out as A high number of families opt to end pg if not a boy. And yes this is a genuine fact sadly. We had to go for a private scan to find out.

I’m a bit surprised they told you the sex at all. I thought they weren’t meant to - perhaps that’s just my area. But surely you can see why that might be.

Interesting replies, thank you!

The first time we were asked if we wanted to be told and our understanding was that it is a regular thing to have at that scan anyway.

To clarify we had two because one with each child, our firstborn and the one I'm pregnant with now.

Obviously first and foremost is healthy baby! Just found our experiences interesting and were rather curious if its a norm or a particular way for any reason. We were never told we shouldn't ask or be told, the opposite actually (that we would be asked if we wanted to know like did happen with our first or that you just get told as we had been given the implication by others is just what happens) so didn't expect the sort of interactions that we have had.

Thanks again!

Although it is exciting for parents, the NHS Anomoly scan is a serious medical scan to determin the health of baby, lots of trusts no longer inform the sex, some do and some ultrasound technicians don't offer unless asked.
If you want a cozy scan with pictures you want then you'll have to go private, things change you won't have the same experience with every pregnancy, but congratulations on a healthy baby, which is the main thing to be happy about.

Ive known a couple of people (a relative and a friend) who referred to the nhs anomaly scan as the ‘gender scan’ each time they were pregnant, and were just solely interested in it being the scan they found out the sex and not acknowledging it was for anything else. I imagine there are quite a few like this and it probably grates a lot, so maybe that’s where the attitude comes from.

So beyond depressing that people cannot find out this information because some cultures just want to abort baby girls.

I've been told this too

One for her first baby, the second for her second baby?

Some NHS hospitals tell you the gender and some don’t. I’ve heard this, mine asked me before if we wanted to know and I said we had a gender scan which showed a boy and they confirmed it was a boy!

I have friends out of area who were told they wouldn’t say the gender.

Why has nobody commented on the fact that the sonographer said ‘it’s giving boy vibes’ 😂😂😂😂😂 bahahahhaa

I had NIPTs done with mine and so I knew the sex before the anatomy scan but both times I was asked if I wanted to know. Must be trust dependent.

I wasn’t told and when I asked them if they knew they said it would be impossible to tell. I felt brushed off and like it was wrong to ask, it wouldn’t have been a nice experience to find out in that situation. I have since had a private scan to find out the gender. Apparently there are a lot of pregnancies ended because the baby is a girl and it turns out I am having a girl so I wonder if that’s why they wouldn’t tell me.

im kind of shocked to hear babies are terminated at 20 weeks for being female.

We got asked at the start if we wanted to know; then she told us at the end

OP, you are way overthinking this. Presumably you went on to have healthy babies ?

It's an anomaly scan. Sonographers do lots of them every day. Their job is to check for anything wrong with the babies - their bone development, organs, head size. It involves recording a lot of data accurately and ensuring they haven't missed anything to ensure any problems are dealt with, further investigation is pursued and to prevent legal action. It is very dependent on the baby position as well. Sonographers aren't cheerleaders. I imagine they have to deliver a lot of bad news over the course of their jobs and this likely makes them naturally reserved.

To PP: yes sex selective abortion is very widespread. There are an estimated 70+ million missing girls and women worldwide because of sex selective abortion. Yes this happens in the UK. Now that Stella Creasey's bill for full abortion decriminalistion means that effectively there will be now legal sex selective abortion, I imagine NHS Trusts will be a lot more circumspect about telling the parents the sex.

(Disclaimer, I am pro-choice but politicians need to be more alive to the negative consequences of what seems good policy making)

A private scan at 12 weeks will tell you the sex of the baby. Nhs scans are to check for abnormalities.

I can see how annoying it is for the staff.
They are looking for major abnormalities and probably have to sometimes give bad news. And all parents ask about it sex (or gender!).

I did ask and was told both times.
I think people's expectations are increasing these days e.g please can you write it down for my gender (sex) reveal party.... I can see why that's a problem too.

In some cultures baby girls are killed after birth, it was especially common in China. It's so awful

Very sad and i cant even comprehend but happens a lot even in 2026 sadly. Women are not favoured in many parts of the world.

Same in my NHS area.