Pregnant 9 months pp

[laurenn26]

My little girl is 9 months and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant, absolutely devastated and certainly not planned. I am still in the trenches, my little girl has never slept through and I’m still up multiple times a night and sleep deprived. I found the newborn stage very challenging although I do love being a mum so much. We took well over a year to get pregnant with my first and was told my partner has low count and motility and was told we’d need ivf now here we are 9 months old and pregnant. I can’t decide if to continue the pregnancy, ultimately I’m still in the trenches with a baby, it’s 4am and I’ve been up and down all night with her, I’ve got a baby right now still and I don’t know if I’m ready or if I ever will be to do it all again. Part of me thinks get it out the way I want two kids so I’d be done but another part of me just thinks now’s not the time and I’ve got to prioritise my mental health and being able to cope. Is 2 under 2 manageable? I’m worried if I don’t continue il be in regret which is also so hard. For context my partner is also no where near as hands on as he should be so I feel this made the newborn stage much harder due to lack of support however my wider family and friends are brilliant. I don’t know how I’m going to make a decision

I was pregnant when my oldest was 10 months old. It was actually ok. I was tired so that was hard but I found it easier than I expected. It was lovely to see my 1st baby be excited about my 2nd. Nap times were easier than I thought they would be. I bought a sling which was invaluable and accepted help where I could.
I would say though that my dh was good at being hands on when he got home and that helped a lot.

I have a 13 month age gap between my two and while the first year was insane I’m so glad it happened that way (took years to get pregnant with the first!). They were so close as little ones and than bond had lasted the teen years. So many advantages to having them close together. Good luck x

Oh and as above my dh was 100% involved which does make a difference - although he also travelled a lot for work so there were lots of times I did it alone.

It is such a personal decision to make OP. I currently have 2 under 2, there are 18 months between mine with my youngest being 11 weeks old now so exactly the same age gap you would have although we were trying for my second so a different situation.

It’s honestly not as bad as I thought it would be, not bad at all actually, but I do think that is mainly because my second baby has just been an easy baby. My first still doesn’t sleep through the night, never has, was a really wingey baby who always had to be held or carried and could never be put down etc, if my second had been like that then I know my experience of 2 under 2 would have been so different. As it is my second baby has just slot into our family as if he was always here, he is the total opposite of his sister and happy to sleep wherever- pram, moses basket, crib at night, he is content to just chill beside us on the mat while todder plays, obviously we have our difficult moments but it really is lovely.

I would also say though that I did feel ready to have a second baby, and my husband is not only a brilliant dad but also a brilliant partner and support to me so even on our worst days I have never felt as though I am on my own or drowning, he keeps me up and keeps us going always. If I hadn’t felt ready and didn’t know I had that rock solid support in my husband I don’t think I would have made the decision to have 2 under 2 because it really does test you and your relationship.

I feel so guilty on the baby I already have because she’s still such a baby but in 9 months time I know she won’t be! It’s so hard but I’m worried I couldn’t cope :(

He works nights and I think how would I get both down to bed etc? I so wish I wasn’t in this position. I really don’t know what to do x

Oh @laurenn26 this is hard to read... you obviously are a great mother given one of your concerns is taht your current baby is still a baby. But like you said... in 8/9 months time they will be a toddler running around, eating normally, just completely and utterly different.

I will have a much bigger age gap with my 2 but we purposely tried as soon as we could (I didn't have a period for 14 months post partum) because my now 22 month old (I'm 5 months pregnant) still doesn't sleep through. I knew I wanted 2 kids and I said to myself: get the tough sleepless years out of the way together!

Also my husband wasn't great with the early months. He always used to say that he just didn't like small babies... but he's great with our toddler now. I found that when he got a bit more mobile my husband really came into himself a bit more as Daddy. Now, he's never done a night or anything like that but instead he's taken on alot more of the house stuff (so when I'm doing bedtime he's tidying up, when I'm doing the grocery shop with our toddler he's cleaning the house top to bottom etc).

I keep thinking that by the time the younger child is one... they'll be much more able tk entertain eachother! Obviously it won't be easy but it's completely doable you just need to adjust your standards!

For example: my previously spotless house is messy (not dirty, but messy)! We have agreed that once the 2nd baby comes along we will get a cleaner in for 2-3 hours a week to do a deep clean (bathrooms, skirting boards, windows) of things that I struggle.to keep on top of post-kids.

I think you should sit down with your partner and talk through if you go ahead with this pregnancy... list out (in writing!!!) what your concerns are and what you will need in order to make sure you don't burn out! More help with housework, that he does bedtime with one of the kids while you do the other, that you get X time to yourself every day or week where he is in charge of the 2 kids so you can decompress etc.

BUT all the above aside... if you feel this is not the right choice for you and your family right now then it is OK to not progress this pregnancy. I have also had a termination in the past and at the time it was the best decision for our family.

There is no wrong answer here... do what is best for your family.

My husband works late at least a few days a week so doesn’t finish until after bedtime so I take them both up to bed, feed my baby while cuddling toddler to sleep and then get baby off to sleep and go to sleep myself! For naps I often just pop them both in the pram and walk around while they nap, my oldest only has one nap now for an hour ish a day so that’s easily sorted.

BUT I will say having a supportive husband and true partner as a dad makes all the difference. He jumps in immediately and just knows what to do without me having to ask, he gives me windows of time for a break as much as he possibly can, he has taken as many things off my plate as humanly possible and again all of that has made my experience what it is.

I had 2 under 2 and nearly always did bedtimes solo and it really wasn't that bad. Take them both upstairs, me and baby sit on bathroom floor watching toddler in bath, breastfeed the baby while reading toddler a story, put baby to bed.

I am so, so pro choice but if you think you'll be having a second one soon ish anyway then I would say get on with it now!

I have 16 months between my first two, I got pregnant when DC1 was seven months. It wasn't exactly unplanned, but it was unexpected as it took almost a year to get pregnant the first time and DC2 happened the first time of trying.

Like you, OP, I was stunned and in shock and I didn't know what to do. Pretty much the first thing I did when I found out was go to see a friend who also had two children close together so she understood, and I cried on her shoulder for hours! I did know that I'd go ahead with the pregnancy, but was worried about how I'd cope with two babies. DH was a very hands on dad, but worked long hours so I knew I'd be doing a lot on my own.

It actually wasn't too awful. I found it easy enough having two very small ones, especially as within a couple of weeks DC1 couldn't remember a time DC2 wasn't there. There was no jealousy, thank goodness, which meant I didn't feel as guilty about taking time away from DC1 as I'd expected to.

We survived somehow, and actually it's been great having them so close in age. They are adults now and still best friends.

I got pregnant when my eldest was 11 months. Two under two is hard, for the first three months because you’re all adjusting. But then…gradually things become easier, they start playing.
My two are so close now, they are each others best friends and I’m so so glad for our close age gap.

My eldest was also a terrible sleeper, I was up 6 times a night sometimes until she was over one…until she wasn’t. At around 14 months she just started sleeping. I think me taking a step back from night time visits really helped, my husband started taking all the night shifts as I was pregnant and I think she just stopped waking for comfort (because she didn’t get as much from him! 😂)

good luck, I hope this helps and I hope you can see that they’re babies for such a short amount of time. This decision has such a longer reach and effect on your family.

I had 3 under 3 (no twins) and honestly it's actually easier in a way because they went to bed at the same times and generally got up at the same times too! I did go on to have 9 children the youngest is 5. If you wanted a second child I'd say just go get on with it and stop over thinking!

It’s very much up to you , there is 18 months between my brother and me and my mum would say the good points were getting the hard bit “over with” quicker and we were super close growing up, bad points were it’s difficult!

Don’t focus on the small stuff like bedtime, in a way that could be easier with a small gap - I had a newborn and a 3.5 year old so very different needs, and bedtime definitely wasn’t easy!
Focus on the big stuff like do you want a second baby, can you afford it, is your DH supportive

I had 3 under 3, and will be having 4 under 4, so I’ve got lots of close age gaps. Honestly it’s fine, your baby will be older than she seems now by the time you give birth, so she will be a lot more independent. It’s difficult for the first couple of months when you’re trying different things to see what works, but once you’ve developed a routine it all just fits together and I’m really glad that we have such small age gaps because they’re the best of friends. I also find it a lot easier that all the sleepless nights, pregnancy, newborn trenches etc is so close together so that I can be done with it sooner!.

That being said, it’s also completely fine to decide that such a small age gap isn’t for you. I think a frank discussion with your DH would be good, then you can lay all your cards on the table and see how you feel after that.