Early pregnancy uncertainty

[ripleynot]

I’m 6w4d today and I am really struggling with the not knowing if I’m pregnant. I’ve had positive tests obviously but I have very few symptoms (the early cramping has eased off thank goodness). I am more tired and am feeling the cold easily and have absolutely 0 appetite (although no nausea), but I don’t have any other indications I’m pregnant. It feels so weird walking around not knowing if this is continuing or if I’m having some kind of missed miscarriage. I don’t want to do a scan until 8 weeks because I don’t see much point in it before they’ll 100% be able to tell me if it’s viable or not, but my god this uncertainty is awful. 😢 It’s like Shrodingers pregnancy.

I am likening it to my husband as feeling like I did when I was waiting for results from a biopsy on my breast. I have some medical trauma and health anxiety and it’s triggering me in all the worst ways. I can’t even really think about the possibility of the pregnancy continuing because I can’t move past the idea that it won’t. I feel like this isn’t normal (I have no previous pregnancies or experience with miscarriage etc.) but I don’t know how to deal with it - and I can tell it’s not a healthy space for me to be in.

Sorry, not really sure what my purpose is posting, just struggling with this stage I guess.

Sounds very normal. It is hard being in that limbo phase but only having mild symptoms is no indication anything is wrong. I never had any particular symptoms at that point. No nausea or cramping or anything like that.

I had no symptoms until I was 20 weeks with my first baby. Try to take it one day at a time and keep your mind focused on other things.

You are very early in pregnancy... and have listed 4 symptoms! Some people get none, some people get lots, symptoms can range (on my 1st pregnancy I wasn't sick, on my current pregnancy I had V&D for about 5 weeks straight early on).

You need to try to find a way to calm your nerves... pregnancy is LONG! And you generally won't feel movements until maybe 20w in your 1st pregnancy and no definite patterns until closer to 24 weeks.

You have pregnancy symptoms. But also... symptoms can drop off at any stage, or just go away for a day and come back.

If you are 6w4d and want a reassurance scan, go for one. A heartbeat can be detected from about 6w in most cases (often earlier).

Hello! I don’t know what’s normal or not, but I know that I didn’t have a single symptom during my pregnancy and could have kidded myself it wasn’t happening - until I had a massive belly and could feel the kicks. Hopefully your 8 week scan will put your mind at rest, and if not, do talk to your midwife about your anxiety - they can help!

This is the reality of pregnancy unfortunately. Even if you get strong symptoms in the first trimester, they'll likely disappear around 12 weeks, then you have no symptoms and no bump and no movements for weeks. You have to learn to deal with it.

What coping mechanisms do you normally use for difficult times? If you don't have any it's time to develop some!

Suggestions:
Keeping busy
Meditation/yoga/prayer or whatever
Allowing yourself half an hour per day to worry and Google, and ban yourself from dwelling on it outwith that time
Fitness/running/walks
Listening to music, baths
Writing your thoughts in a journal
Starting a new project or hobby

Thanks for all the responses, it actually really helps to know this mental space is fairly normal and also the physical symptoms.

@Macadamian I don’t have any coping mechanisms! I’ve tried almost everything (including lots of therapy) and nothing works. I don’t find anyone calming or reassuring either, it’s a huge point of issue with my husband.

I honestly don’t know if I can handle this for 9 months, I know it won’t get better because I’m never reassured for longer than a day or two with health stuff. Maybe child-bearing isn’t for me.

Early pregnancy just is really weird in that way I think, I always call it "Schrodinger's baby" as well! I've had three babies but also a few v. early losses / false starts that I was unusually conscious of because I always have very obvious symptoms immediately, well before you can test. I was able to be (slightly) more philosophical about it after a while but it just is a really mysterious stage I think and maybe it helps to acknowledge the mystery!

This is exactly early pregnancy, it's very weird, am I? aren't I? What's going on now? What's that pain? Symptoms, no symptoms, all fairly torturous, it will get easier, just relax, go with it, and rest when you can.

I assume you actually want children? If so, you have choices.

1. bow down to your worries and let them rule you. Live a life which doesn't include the things you want. Don't have kids, as you say "maybe child-bearing isn't for me".

2. woman up and fight. If you have diagnosed anxiety, or think you might, seek help from your GP. If you are just experiencing normal anxiousness (in common with many who have commented on this thread) find ways to deal with it. Ignore it, keep busy, meditate, go walking every spare hour, find someone to talk to (even if that's not your DP), sit on the grass and inhale the air. Whatever. But don't just say 'oh it's too much for me'. If this is something you really want, fight for it. Go to battle with your anxious thoughts and don't let them stop you doing what you want to.

Pregnancy and child rearing requires huge sacrifices - this is your first one.

I mean obviously I don't know you and maybe you are really at risk of making yourself unwell / clinical anxiety. But I do think being pretty preoccupied / obsessed with symptoms etc in the early stages of pregnancy, especially a first pregnancy, is pretty normal. It is a huge deal and an enormous transition! Pregnancy/birth/postpartum is a physical change akin to puberty + the huge emotional and social transition of motherhood. I would try to keep busy and stick to your normal routines but also accept that being preoccupied is normal and not necessarily an overreaction. It's a bit different with subsequent children because the previous ones keep you busy / more in the present.