Self esteem at an all time low while in 3rd trimester

[MaisieRed]

I’m 29 weeks pregnant with my second baby, and I’ve been feeling really low about myself.

Since having my son three years ago, I’ve felt like I’ve slowly lost parts of who I was. I’m always rushing—hair scraped back, no thought into clothes, barely any time for makeup or skincare. My husband and I both work long hours (I work at least 48 hours a week), and by the time everything is done, there’s very little left for me.

I struggle to justify spending money on things like hair, brows, lashes, or nails. I’d rather put that money towards my child or anything that makes life a little easier for our family. But the trade-off is that I don’t feel like me anymore.

My body has changed a lot. I have stretch marks, a C-section scar, hair loss that’s left my hair thin, and stubborn stomach fat that never shifted—even after losing three stone. Now, being pregnant again, everything feels amplified. I have a huge bump, my once-clear skin has become problematic, and I just feel… dull. Dull and big and disconnected from the woman I used to be.

My husband tells me my bump is sexy and that he loves that I have and I am carrying his children—and I believe him, he’s always been the person to say he doesn’t care about my body changes, I will always be sexy to him —but I don’t feel sexy in myself. I’ve tried wearing my hair down more and taking a bit longer in the shower, but it still feels like something’s missing.

I miss feeling attractive. I miss feeling confident. I want that spark back—not just for anyone else, but for me.

What can I do? Before and after baby comes.

It's probably not what you are looking to hear, and definitely not a quick fix, but the answer is that your self-esteem shouldn't be based entirely in your appearance.

I looked exactly like you describe in pregnancy and postnatally - no makeup, hair scraped back, etc etc. But I was happy as Larry because I do not think that hair and makeup is who I am. I am a wife, mother, lover. I am kind and strong. I am a good friend. I love long walks and crochet and drinking tea on the beach. I love to laugh. I am a wonderful human being of equal value to every other human being. This is who I am.

Who are you?

Ground yourself in what you love, and what you mean to other people. Not in your skincare regime. This is the only way to actually feel happy. But I'm sure other people will have good tips for papering over the cracks if you just want a pick-me-up for the next few months ❤️

I don't have advice really, I just want to say I feel the same way. I'm 31 weeks with my second and hope no one from work sees me on the weekends! I also work full time and have gone weeks in this pregnancy without colouring my hair (I've looooads of greys) or doing any sort of bodily hair removal! I painted my nails for Christmas and that was the first time I'd done that since a wedding in June. I left my foundation at my mum's house after I was at the wedding and she brought it to me in October - I hadn't used it since then!

My body has also changed a lot. I was never slim or toned but I worked so hard to get pregnant the first time, eating well and lifting weights, and I stayed going to the gym at least once a week in my first pregnancy. I was in my third trimester in the summer and spent all spring and summer walking and even cycling. I felt sooo frumpy last summer, just wanted to wear big sacks and baggy tshirts and didn't recognise my body. I feel so weak now just getting tired carrying my first up the stairs to bed and wonder how long it will ever take me to get back to feeling strong.

I did get invisalign between my pregnancies and that helped me a little bit. I feel like I'm happier looking back on photos now that I did something like that. I also got some nice gold earrings from my partner for my birthday that don't need to come out for showers or sleeping, so I always have earrings on now. This also helps me to just feel better on a daily basis without makeup.

I also hate spending money, but buying new clothes for my post-partum body was one of the best things I did. I didn't try to force myself back into old clothes. I enjoyed getting a few nice maternity bits (not a lot!) and a few nice basics for postpartum. I always feel more put together if my clothes are a bit fresher and I spent a long time on my first leave in oversized bobbly cardigans and it definitely didn't help my self esteem.

I haven't offered a lot of help because I don't really know what to advise, but maybe some new clothes, earrings or even hair accessories to make your hair feel fun even if it is scraped back? Sometimes I just put in contacts instead of my classes and put on a bit of mascara and I feel more put together. I've never had my nails or lashes done or been for a facial, so I don't know what it's like to go back to those but maybe book a pregnancy massage while you still can, and then try and think about what kind of appointments would help you in the coming months? Maybe some personal training down the line after you've been cleared and done your physio etc.? Or just commit to getting your hair cut every X months, or start with a small habit like adding a step to your skincare routine.

You sound like a great mama with a supportive husband. It's normal to look like you've just had a baby when you have just had a baby. It's normal to look like you have a newborn and a toddler! I know it's not a good feeling, but it is just a season and it will pass!