I don't know why I'm posting - I guess more to vent (so I'm not offloading on DH too much) and see if anyone has advice for managing my emotions and this relationship!
My in laws, particularly my MIL causes me to feel exhausted and mentally drained. They came to stay this weekend, and I have really struggled. As background I am 8 weeks pregnant.
When I see them, I feel talked at - I can't get a word in. Then when they aren't talking and telling me the same stories, I get this sort of interrogation questioning - question after question, not really letting me finish answering answer before the next. On this visit, the questions were about my pregnancy. I kept saying it was still really early and I'm trying to just get through exhaustion and nausea right now (trying to avert too many invasive questions). But she just kept ploughing on. Here are some of the questions:
- what hospital will you go to?
- how far is that (50 minutes!
exagerated worried face)
- what other options are there?
- where will your DS go? Will he be with your parents? will he be ok with everything and having a new sibling ?
- what are you going to call them? what list of names do you have?
- when do you see the midwife?
- how many weeks are you? ("most people don't even know they are pregnant then quite honestly !" This was repeated a lot over the weekend)
- will they be better than your last midwives?
- will you get a c section?
- will you have an epidural ?
- is it a boy or girl?
- have you bled yet with the empty sac? ( early scan showed a twin pregnancy, but only one fetus - which was difficult to hear, and has created some worry for me)
- what room will they be in when they are older?
- will you breastfeed? I hope it goes better than with DS and they arent underweight ! (She knows i had a hard time feeding my DS as he just couldn't put weight on).
I understand the excitement, but it feels like interrogation at this stage - especially as I kept saying it was trying to take it one day at a time and manage my symptoms.
We saw them 3 weeks ago when we visited them for 4 nights after xmas. They guessed i was pregmant, as i wasn't drinking. I was only 5 weeks pregnant so didn't want to tell anyone, plus they had a lot of guests staying, who weren't family, sonit would have been hard to get a private moment. But in front of a big group mil insinuated she knew, and asked DH if he had anything to tell her. We ended up telling them the next day. Much earlier than we would have liked, but everyone very excited. This will be their 4th grandchild.
I felt so ill and exhausted having them stay. I feel I can't catch a break when they are around. I had to excuse myself at one point, and said I needed to lie down and rest a bit as I was tired. I couldn't even do that without questionsand and being followed - are you feeling sick, have you got a headache, is it the baby?
I ended up saying "I'm just absolutely exhausted, and need a break", and walked away and cried in bed.
My DH is lovely and supportive. He knows his parents are a lot. But he just doesn't face the same questioning on pregnancy as I do. I cried when they left, and he always tries to create moments where I can catch a break.
I realise a lot of this is pregnancy hormones, but I've known them for 13 years. They are good people, and kind - but it is tiring having to be a soundboard all the time, or the focus of invasive interrogation. If I try and start a different conversation, it quickly is turned back to a monologue. I'm interrupted all the time. I'm exhausted by the relationship. Has anyone got any advice? Thank you