Going from 1 - 2

[sorchanim]

Hi all,

I'm 30 weeks with baby no.2, our first is going to be 18 months when baby comes along.

I was very well prepared for the first birth and was on summer holidays (I'm a teacher) for almost all of my third trimester, so I spent loads of time chilling out, going for pregnancy yoga, getting a massage, reading books, practising my hypnobirthing etc. It's all gone out the window now as I'm working full time still and running after a toddler, plus my partner has been really busy up to now (but that should ease off after this week - phew!).

I'm just wondering if anyone has tips or experience for the following:

1. Our first child is currently 15 months. I try showing her my belly and telling her there's a baby in there, etc. but she just plays with my belly button. She doesn't have any dolls or see me giving my attention to anything - I try with teddies and things and she's fine with that. She did get jealous over Christmas when I held other babies. What can I do to help her transition? She's a very chill girl who I think will get used to it after like a week, but I would love to try and give her anything concrete I can to help her. Will she actually understand a book about a new baby?
2. What's it like physically at the end/early postpartum with a toddler? I recovered okay from my first birth but I could just lie down and rest all the time. My mum will come and stay and my MIL doesn't live far away, so we'll have help, but what's it like picking up a toddler after giving birth a few days ago?
3. I feel like a first time mum again, but what do we need for the second baby? We have loads of clothes, a bed, sleep sacks (also for a different season), the right car seat, a double stroller, and we'll buy a second tripp trapp (yes it's early but the newborn set was so useful the first time!). We'll get some new bottles/teats closer to the time but am I forgetting something super basic!?
4. What about preparing myself? Did you revisit your hypnobirthing or just wing it the second time? I'll squeeze a massage in at half term and will go see a physio before/after birth again, but anything else you suggest for a mum whose brain is mush?

Any other tips or ideas are also welcome!
Thanks!

Don't over think it. You're not going to get loads of pregnancy yoga and stuff in this time. It sounds like you had a pretty easy first child experience with so much help. The 18mo will quickly forget she ever existed without a sibling and you'll crack on just fine.

My eldest was 15months when my daughter was born. He wasn't really interested in the pregnancy(naturally) but the second they met he adored her. She drives him crazzzzyyyyyy now though (7 soon and he's 8 lol!) he didn't get overly jealous but he also had been at nursery from 9 months old and was kinda used to seeing different dynamics so that could be why?

It's hard at the end physically! Won't lie to you. But if she still naps, take advantage and nap with her. Even if it means putting a movie on in bed and napping. Just minimise housework and take as much rest as your partner can give you.

First labour I had stitches so I was in agony and couldn't walk straight for a while without waddling lol. Second labour, I had the birth I'd dreamed of with my first(medical neglect) and managed to have the water birth. I trusted my body as I knew I'd done it before, got into the pool 2 hours later she's in my arms. Discharged 12 hours later(she was born at 10pm). I was doing the nursery run 3 days later, not out of necessity thankfully just because I wanted to go for a walk! The recovery was fine with her labour.

You'll be fine don't worry.

We had a bigger age gap but did introduce a few story books. When baby arrives, try to ensure the older child is given lots of helpful jobs to do (even if actually creating more work for you!) and encourage anyone likely to give a new gift to/for the new baby to give something small to their sibling. There’s quite a tight age gap, so hopefully older child will adapt pretty quickly. You never know though! Sounds like you’ve got some good plans for kit.

Thank you all so much! Haven't really been overthinking it up to now, mostly underthinking it 😂

I live a plane journey away from my family, and my MIL was a 4 hour drive away, but moved this weekend to be 10 mins away, so we'll actually have more help this time than the first time as it was just my partner and I for the first three weeks really.

I did have a beautiful birth the first time but my pelvic floor was so weak after, I could hardly make it to the bathroom the first two or three days without peeing myself, and I stayed in hospital 3 nights (standard here). I did have stitches but they healed pretty well. I don't want to stay in 3 nights this time but I also don't want to be peeing on my living room rug 🙄

Our first daughter was in creche since she was 5 months (crappy maternity leave in this country) and will continue to go, so I'll have time at home in the day with baby and try and involve the toddler in the evenings.

Thanks again and any other tips - keep them coming!

Calling the baby “our baby” “your baby” can help the toddler feel less jealous when it comes and not “mummy’s baby”.

also we got a personalised book for our first before we had our second, as like a gift from new baby even though he wasn’t born yet! It was all about what a baby is like and there’s enough love to go round.

I didn’t feel like I needed more prep as I felt prepared as I had done it before but if revisiting hypnobirthing helps you feel more relaxed then it worth it!

Congratulations, it’s so lovely getting to see the love between your babies!

Dd was born a week before ds turned 2 and he believed she was his birthday present. He forgot he was ever an only child within a few weeks. I was surprised!

They don't really understand the impact until the new baby comes. You sound like you are doing all the sensible things.

My second and third births (and therefore recovery) were easier and I'm convinced my body knew what it was doing bus then even if mentally I didn't think I did.

My boy was 19 months old when my second was born so really similar to yours, here’s what I would say about my experience:

1. mine had no concept that there was a baby in my belly 😅 I didn’t push it with books or anything like that, when my second was born I always made sure I constantly interacted and made eye contact with him when I was holding/feeding her and included him in everything I did. I also used to interact with the baby but talking about him, so a lot of “you’re so lucky to have such a lovely big brother, he’s so kind, funny, clever” etc. she used to love the conversation and he loved the praise 😂 I never forced him to play/interact with her or ever said “I can’t play with you now I’m with the baby”, I’d more just say “yep give me 5 minutes I’ll be with you” and he adjusted, although he still doesn’t like to share with her and I don’t make him!
2. I would say a million times over it’s easier to have a newborn and toddler than be pregnant with a toddler! That killed me and having the physical strength back in my body changed everything. I never once needed help from family members, I managed relatively easily on my own with my partner.
3. Don’t worry about that, go with what you’ve got and then that’s what Amazon prime is for! Or sending your partner to the supermarket for emergencies. Just make sure you’ve got everything you need to feed, nappies and loads of bibs and muslins. And just google the NHS new baby checklist to put your mind at rest
4. my second birth was a weird one because it was a home birth and my impatient girl arrived before the midwives so delivered her on my own in the bedroom and my partner caught her! Just prepare as much as you can but don’t overthink it.

Good luck OP! Once the first six weeks passed when everything was a bit hazy, two under two was AMAZING, and six months in it’s better than ever!

Gosh, thanks everyone! I think I'll just print this thread and read it coming up to my due date 😊