Funeral for baby I lost at 17 weeks

[Boymum2256]

I lost my baby girl at almost 17 weeks my waters broke and I give birth to her I held her and loved her so much.

I posted her little memorial with a candle etc on my facebook and I had both my parents tell me I shouldn’t be posting my personal stuff and that I’m disgusting for doing so and they made me feel horrible and like I shouldn’t be grieving my daughter.

I don’t speak to them now but baby’s funeral is this Friday and I can’t help but feel like it’s all too much and stupid for having a funeral for my baby who was only the size of my hand. I want the funeral and I want to say my last goodbye to the baby I would have had but I don’t want to tell anyone incase they think I’m being stupid.

i know me feeling this way is down to my parents, did anyone have a funeral for their baby that they lost at 17 weeks?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I think only you can decide what’s right for you and if you want to share her memory on Facebook and have a funeral then there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

No, because 32 years ago it wasn't a thing. We were expected to just get on with it which explains your parents' stance. It would have helped.

Your parents are misguoded and lacking empathy but I guess it's their way of coping.

I am very sorry for your loss. Grieve as you need to grieve.

With love

Sending lots of love to you OP. I'm so sorry to read you have been through this. Losing a baby is traumatic and heart breaking but even harder still in circumstances like your regardless of how far along you were this baby was obviously very loved and wanted. No one has the right to tell you how to grieve or handle this. Be kind on yourself and allow yourself time to heal and recover. If you feel a funeral will help you to heal then that is exactly hat you should do.

I’m so sorry for your loss

I was offered funerals by my hospital both times I had losses “in house” as it were ie at the hospital rather than miscarrying at home - I wasn’t as far along as you were either times.
for me I found it very cathartic and a form of closure to be able to star the grieving process - being able to say a proper goodbye and acknowledge that they existed no matter how short a time for and that they were loved and wanted and important to me (and others since the hospital organised everything). My babies were buried with other lost babies in their memorial garden so I know I’ll always have somewhere to go to remember them and they won’t be alone and that was important to me to x

you have to put yourself first in this situation - it doesn’t matter what else anyone thinks they might do if it was them.

I am so sorry for everything you're going through. Losing a baby is quite devastating enough without this cruel reaction from your parents. I lost a baby at 16 weeks at the end of last year and it was heartbreaking. We had a small cremation (just my partner and I) we took her bear and left a pink rose on the tiny casket. Initially I wasn't sure if it was the right thing for us to do, thought it might be too hard, but I am so glad we got to say goodbye. I was and still am seeing a grief therapist who said the funeral is for the parents and there is no right or wrong way to do it. It's not silly at all, if you want to have a service, you should absolutely have a service. Please also feel free to DM me if it would help, I am so very sorry for your loss.

Sorry for your loss. I lost at 18w and I didn’t. The truth being that I didn’t feel like it was a baby yet, it was a pregnancy that I very sadly lost. And I found it easier to cope with the loss thinking of it that way. I have also had earlier losses and this later loss was harder to recover from both physically and mentally.
This was over 15 years ago and I have had healthy DC since.

You should do whatever you want to do. Don’t feel like it’s ’too much’ just because others think that. It’s no one’s business but yours, you were the only person carrying this pregnancy (or baby) and so you should grieve as you feel is right.

im sorry for your loss. You can do whatever you need to do. A funeral is fine if you want one.

i maybe wouldn’t expect too many people to come though. Keep in mind that they didn't know the baby and may have lost babies of their own and cannot face it.

Im in that boat and i couldn’t make myself attend the funeral of a baby, just too sad and would remind me of my own loss via miscarriage too and how i felt and i dont want to be reminded of that place.

it could be thats how your parents feel. i wouldn’t be too harsh in them. it’s just how it was and they maybe dont know how to be any other way. i wouldn’t stop speaking to them over this. fair enough if there’s other issues of course.

in their day we just all got on with it and it’s only later that bereavement counselling became a thing. talking of that perhaps that would be worth going to when you’re ready.

just such a sad time for you. 💐

I did for my son who was born at 15 weeks. I also accessed specific baby loss counselling through the hospital. Do you have any IRL support?