Scared of life changing

[Lilly1111]

Hi everyone, I’m currently in my first trimester and have had two miscarriages before (so not out of the woods) but I can’t help but feel scared about this pregnancy working. I feel scared about my body changing, my relationship changing, I love to travel and will I lose that and I feel sad me and my husband won’t travel just the two of us again…is this normal and has anyone else faced those fears? Any advice for those that also loved to travel and how you coped? Thank you

I totally understand your worries and fears. Jut wanted to share my experience. I have a 3 year old and soon expecting another. I love my life SO much now. I love my husband more than ever and literally wouldn’t change a thing. I do miss our relaxing holidays, but we still do holidays, just with a toddler in tow and we still love it!
your fears are totally valid and I had them too, but it’s better than I ever expected.
I also know that our travelling days will come again

Your worries are normal.

I’m a mum 31 year old mum to a 3 year old and I’m pregnant with my second child.

I am not going to lie to you - it is life changing. Your relationship and whole life changes from the moment you hold your baby in your arms.

The only thing I will say is that try to ignore the “you’ll never travel again” “you’ll never be yourself again” whilst it is harder, it’s not impossible. My 3 year old has been abroad 5 times already. Do you have a support network? Friends? Family?

If you have a great DH then no doubt he will be a great dad too. Watching your partner become a parent also can make you fall in love with them even more.

It’s not all doom and gloom xx

Thank you so much for the positive replies. I don’t have family nearby but they are desperate to come visit and help if things go well with this pregnancy. I do have friends that have young children too. ❤

Me and my husband loved to travel. We still do but just a bit differently now. We have an almost 3yr old and a 9 month old. I can’t imagine life without them now.

We have taken the toddler away twice as a baby when it was just him and it was very easy before he could crawl. He crawled late at 12 months. So our trips abroad were very similar to pre-children on those two trips.

We went to Berlin with them both at 2.5yrs old and 5 months old. That was more challenging because there are two of them and we were also unwell with the end of the flu. We are taking them to Cyprus on April when they will be 3 and 1.

I would say when it was just the one baby/toddler life felt pretty much similar. Mostly because we could share him, carry him in a backpack, pushchair etc. He was a great sleeper by 6 months old and a very laid back baby. Now he is a full force toddler and we have another baby it feels challenging. She doesn’t sleep through yet, but she is a laid back baby so far. My point is with one our lives didn’t change in terms of travelling (after the newborn stage of course- that is a huge change). I guess we made sure to take snacks with us and the extra luggage that comes with a baby. However it’s challenging for us with two at the minute. It hasn’t stopped us from travelling though.

I would say try not to travel for the first 3 months as you settle into a new routine and are a bit sleep deprived.

Oh and in terms of your body- everyone is different. Before pregnancy I hated the idea of having a huge bump, the stretch marks. However I found it a gentle progression and also movements start in the second trimester and I never once felt big or hated it. It’s very odd, I loved feeling the movements and knowing they were safe and ok in those moments. My first came at 35 weeks as an emergency, my second came at 39 weeks planned. Csections, I don’t even notice the scar now it’s several months later. I don’t have stretch marks either (my mum does so no idea why I don’t). But even if you end up with stretch marks you will just be in awe that you have your baby. Oh I had a miscarriage before my first child so I also had anxiety that it would end again until I reached 20 weeks.

Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly for you. Try to enjoy the process and embrace it. It’s fleeting in the grand scheme of it all, and the baby is worth it all.

Hi, I couldn't help but reply as I felt exactly the same in my first pregnancy, especially with the travelling. Despite being planned, I spent the entire pregnancy completely terrified of how life would change and thinking I'd made a terrible mistake. Our baby arrived and obviously life looks different but actually not as different as I necessarily expected or worried about?
In terms of my body, I stayed very active during pregnancy and credit this with having a very easy labour and recovery. I'm pregnant again now and got various reasons haven't been able to stay active and I'm definitely more physically uncomfortable. I went to baby and me exercise classes after getting cleared to do so and loved seeing my strength come back. I also got no stretch marks but that was luck rather than design!
We went for our first abroad holiday with newborn in tow at 8w, and have travelled a lot since then, both short and long haul, including a 4 week self planned far flung "adventure" travelling trip when she was about 11m. My tips would be to invest in a great carrier (my baby essential, could easily live without a buggy but would be lost without the baby sling!), breastfeed if you can/want to (makes getting out and about SO much easier if you get through the initial tough stage - you can just leave the house with baby as you can't forget your boobs haha) and to get away as soon as you feel you're ready. Yes our first trip wasn't the same, but drinking a glass of wine in the sun with our newborn sleeping beside us built our confidence and gave myself and my partner "us" back. Also we aimed for "rhythm not routine" and that helped give some flexibility, yes we might not have had the best sleeper and life felt chaotic at times, but I had much more freedom and that was worth it. And our baby wasn't the easiest in general, she didn't sleep much more than 2-3 hours until closer to a year and was very active early on.
I would also say to prepare yourself to feel some resentment towards your partner, their life will inevitably change less than yours will and it's hard not to be jealous of that. Just keep communicating with them, and ensure you share the load as best as possible. It will pass as you rediscover who you are and get a bit more time back for you.
Life does come back to some form of different normality - I'd be lying if I didn't say I missed my old life at times, but life now is so much more fun day to day, I love the new dimension it's given the relationship with my partner and I'm so, so incredibly glad we have our child as they're a fantastic little person and I had no idea I could feel this love for them. Best of luck with the rest of the pregnancy, but what you're feeling is totally normal!

It's normal to be worried, and honestly, your life will change in a way you cannot even imagine. You can/will travel again just you two, it might just be a while! And you can travel with a baby/child, especially just one, it might be a bit different but very possible. Your relationship will inevitably change, having a baby is really hard, for us the dynamic of me being on maternity leave and husband still working was really difficult, and things have got much better since I went back to work as we split childcare more evenly. I would try and accept a more home based life for a while after baby comes, I know some parents feel able to travel soon but many mums need a while to recover, and it totally depends how your baby is in terms of their temperament, their sleep, their feeding etc. We had a great holiday in Greece when our baby was 7 months, it was a lovely age to go away as she was more engaged with the world but not yet moving.

These are legit worries because it is life changing and sometimes you might miss elements of your old life. What helped me is remembering that nothing is permanent. The baby and toddler days will fly by and once they are a bit more independent there will be more time again for the things you previously enjoyed.

Thanks so much everyone, it’s great to hear your views and experiences and it’s definitely helped ease my anxiety a bit