Utterly terrified

[Dontknowneedhelp]

Please can you talk me down. I feel awful. I’m 42 and 13 weeks pregnant with my first.
ive been with my partner 3 years and children is always something we wanted. Due to circumstances we were only in a position to start trying recently. I know I’m so so lucky to fall pregnant straight away - esp at my age.
My partner is bouncing off the walls, he’s so happy. I’m so scared. What if I can’t do this? What if I hate it. What if I let everyone down? I just don’t feel like I should and don’t know what to do. I can’t stop crying and I don’t have anyone to talk to.
i don’t know what I expect anyone to say but I think im hoping someone can relate and tell me it will be fine
sorry for the pity party

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this.

Pregnancy and motherhood is a huge thing, and it is very normal to feel anxious and unsure. More so I think, when you have more life experience behind you.

It sounds like your baby is growing in a safe and secure home environment, in the womb of a caring and thoughtful mother. What a great start 💕

Is there anything you can think of that has triggered these feelings? I feel sure your midwife would be happy to talk through your worries?

Hi, honestly - it's probably just hormones.

I don't mean that dismissively - they give you powerful feelings!

But honestly, think of it this way - look at all the people driving cars every day. Are most of them more competent than you? Course not. Parenting is similar - it IS hard but practically everyone does it and most people make a pretty decent fist of it.

Congratulations! When you say "let everyone down", who is everyone? Babies aren't difficult (they can be bloody hard though with sleep deprivation, colicky etc), and you learn the rest as the kid grows. You'll be absolutely fine 🙂

I remember when I first found out I was pregnant with my first child. I panicked, thinking “what have I done?”, feeling completely trapped by the fact that it was no longer a hypothetical plan but actually happening for real.

She is now 4 years old and is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I love her more than I ever thought it was possible to love anyone, and however exhausting and exasperating she can be at times, she has brought joy to my life like nothing else. I’ve got a 4 month old baby too now, and when I fell pregnant with her I didn't feel any panic this time, because I knew it would all be fine, and that I would love this baby with every fibre of my being.

you absolutely can (and will) do this. There will be bits you hate (sleep deprivation, tantrums etc) but just wait until you experience the love. There is so much to look forward to.
If you have someone supportive in your life you can talk to about how you feel then I think that would be a good idea. Trying to conceal these feelings as if they are a dirty secret will only make you feel worse. Life is about to change beyond recognition; you’re allowed to feel overwhelmed at the prospect. But something being scary and intimidating doesn’t mean it’s not going to be the best decision you ever made. Sometimes you need to just take a leap and trust yourself to be able to land.

congratulations!

You’ll be ok. Everyone just muddles through it really. Babies have a way of making sure they get what they need and you’ll find that you get pretty in tune with them very quickly. They grow inside you and then when they’re born you they’re pretty much just an extension of you so most of it is instinctive.

Anything you feel is totally normal. Your hormones are going nuts. We tend to run away with our thoughts and we worry about west case scenarios. I think it's a way of keeping us and baby safe. I always worried about dropping baby or falling down stairs. The love will come. In the meantime, there is so much support and help. Keep talking to people. x

*worst case scenarios. So if your partner is all happy and things should be perfect, your brain will worry that this isn't right.

Please don't worry - part of this is that there are huge changes going on inside you at present, stirring up these deep feelings, but they will settle down and will be later responsible for your realisation that your baby is by far the most beautiful, intelligent and sweet-natured than any other - a feeling that continues for many years despite evidence to the contrary!
Another part is the weight of responsibility that comes with a new baby, which is true. Don't be too daunted though - you have a partner who is over the moon and hopefully friends and families too to support you. Babies too are very easy to amuse and think every funny face you pull and silly game you play is amazing! Sooner or later biology makes parents love babies and babies love parents so trust to nature to help it work out.

Billions have managed fine before, and you will not be an exception. You can do it

Thank you all soooo much for taking the time to reply - you’ve made me feel so much better.
i think it’s just complete overwhelm and fear of the unknown. I’ve wanted this for so long and now I’m doubting it - but I know deep down it’s just nerves