Short mat leave or major career break

[StrictlyComeRambling]

Recently found out I’m pregnant. Very much wanted but timing is a bit awkward. I’ll be 38 when baby arrives late summer.

I’ve had an “unusual” career, not done anything bad as such but not very directed. Means I don’t have something where I’m established, despite my advanced age!

I’m due to finish a masters program in March which was meant to help me transition into AI / software engineering, something like that. Job market is shit for new grads so I might just not be able to get anything and my dilemma is answered for me! But let’s assume I apply like crazy for the next couple of months and I manage to land a decent job starting maybe April or May. That’ll give me about 4 months before I need to take leave.

Due to the short employment time and immigration requirements I’d be unable to take more than 6-12 weeks mat leave and keep that (currently hypothetical) job. I’d hopefully be able to negotiate wfh and maybe 50% time for a bit longer, depending on employer.

Financially we’re fine on just DH’s income so I could instead be unemployed for… well as long as I want. Focus on baby, time to recover my health. But then the chance of getting into my preferred career afterwards is close to zero. The realistic option I can see then would be some tutoring, maybe teach a university course or two, then move into high school teaching (maths and / or CS) when I’m ready for a full time job.

I like teaching but there are so many horror stories and it’s obviously much less well paid. Gives me some income but not enough to comfortably support myself in this area in the event DH and I split (not expected, we’re very happy, but anyone that’s a regular on MN knows to never say never).

So, what would you do? Try for the career I’ve been aiming towards and have a really rushed mat leave and a tough first year? Or let it go and enjoy the time with a little one? I’ve mostly decided I should apply as if no pregnancy — I could lose it anyway — but I’m so confused trying to imagine what that will look like in the summer / autumn, feels like I’d be getting a job just to give it up a few months later.

Has anyone had a short mat leave and made it through? Am I mad to even consider trying that? Has anyone had a baby in nursery from 3 months? Is that a cruel thing to do? Is it bad to only breastfeed for a short time? DH could take some time off / reduced hours but not in a position to take a long time off.

I'm confused. Surely just take a year unpaid and apply for jobs in your new field during that time. Why would delaying appyig for jobs mean you could never go into that field?

I can clearly see you have a very logical mind to apply to a very unusual situation...

Some thoughts- at 5 months of pregnancy most women show so any potential employer would probably know you are pregnant. Employment law doesn't allow to dismiss a woman during pregnancy and maternity leave- some managers might be weary to hire- I am not HR, I don't know what attitudes are in real world.

Then there will be pressure to keep the job and perform.

You don't know how your birth will go and how much recovery time you will need.

You are not prepared (no one is) how much the little one will turn your life upside-down in good and bad ways.

Since you don't seem to have relatives around to help out with childcare teaching career sounds great.

Being stressed and stretched out to the limit is not good for domestic life (in relation to your comment your marriage is presently strong however no one knows what's around the corner).

Being a mother of two and a midwife who went to uni (retrained) when the youngest was 4, my first thought is that you should accept the unexpected gift of pregnancy, enjoy it with without additional pressure of looking for a job and start making plans once the baby is born. Some women hate being at home all day with their baby and some love it and there's no way of telling in advance what's it will be for you.

What does your husband think?

I think a lot of people would regret leave that short. Especially with first baby. I know normal in some countries, but by 12 weeks things really are still all over the place. Little enjoyment by that point, just finding your feet. If you can afford it, I'd prioritise that special first year with baby a million times over.

Where are you, OP?

Some of those things you list, eg seminars for uni courses, tend to be done by doctoral students in the UK, not people who have just finished a masters.

You also may have trouble getting childcare for a child under 3 months if in the UK.

Also confused as to why you can't take the standard nine months/year and then go into the career.

Unless, of course, you are in the US or somewhere.

A year out wouldn't mean anything that drastic,a lot of employers would see it as you figuring out what you wanted to do after you’d changed direction. And a new career after with a three month old will mean you’re exhausted and not on form so won’t give uou a good start anyway. I honestly think you’re overthinking this

See how you feel once the baby is here

Yes, US. Fairly common to take 6 months once established in a job but all that’s protected is 6 weeks extending to 12 at doctor request. Nursery definitely available at 3 months, some do from 6 weeks.

I could delay making applications until baby is 9 months, it’s not impossible that that works but definitely much less likely than applying now. The field moves stupidly fast and that amount of time out after graduation won’t be seen positively here. I’d try but I have to be realistic I might have missed the chance.

How technical is the masters degree from an AI perspective? Are you coding using LLMs, or is it more strategic about use of AI in business?

If you have the option to stay off with your baby for longer than 3 months then it’s worth taking. You don’t really get much chance to enjoy baby at that age, so having extra time off with them can be so fulfilling as you’ll see them actually start to become a proper person.
But, if you’re worried about your career then have a look at online courses within the field you want to work in, that you can do whilst on maternity leave. You can sometimes get short courses that don’t cost much, and it just keeps you up to date with the job whilst you’re not working in that area.
Then when you’re ready to go back to work you can at least demonstrate that you are up to date with learning. Also, when applying for jobs use the parental leave time to your advantage. You can say how you’ve developed great time keeping, negotiation skills, patience etc. Plus if you’ve done some extra studying whilst also looking after a baby then that also shows any potential employer that you’re capable of handling multiple types of scenarios, managing your time efficiently etc.
(I say this from experience - I took 1.5 years off work, studied for a new career whilst looking after my son, and got my dream part time job in that career once I was ready to go back to work. On my CV I bigged up the skillls I’d learnt from caring for a baby / toddler, which helped me get the job. Don’t view parental leave as a break that will hinder your career).

That very much changes the advice we can give, I think, and your situation is much more understandable!

Maybe that works but definitely will make it very much harder when I already have several hurdles to overcome like age and unclear experience. My career history already makes me look a bit undirected and unambitious, taking a year out will add to that, time out for maternity isn’t viewed positively here. Yes I would try but I also want to understand how else it might play out, and also understand what a shorter maternity leave would be like and what I’d lose there. Thanks for your reply — I’ll try to be more optimistic!

Yeah the ideal timing would have been to have a baby during this course I’m about to finish. Would have been a bit challenging but generally the work is flexible and much more forgiving than a job. But it wasn’t to be.

It does sound like less than 3 months with the new baby would be really hard though. Might just have to take my chances on the career side.

Few women in the UK will have experience of maternity leaves as short as in the US. You'll probably get more useful guidance on how to manage that if you ask for advice somewhere with predominantly US-based posters who have experienced and managed it rather than UK-based posters who are horrified by the idea because it's not the norm here.

Technical. In general I have a medium good tech background but very undirected. I’ve zigzagged around doing whatever caught my interest for a couple of years rather than pursuing one niche properly. So yeah, I can code and train LLMs and all that.

Good point… I just don’t know where that is! I guess I also thought short leave used to be more normal in the uk and maybe some older posters here would have done it.

I think Reddit has more US users, there must be a subreddit on there somewhere that would be relevant!?

Even in the 80s UK maternity leaves were longer than in the US now. And as you go further back it was more the norm for women to stop working upon marriage, let alone for children. The marriage bar (i.e. women being forced to resign or being fired upon marriage) only became illegal in the mid-70s and it was still policy in some parts of the civil service until shortly before then.