Advice please… third pregnancy, what to do? (Please no judgement)

[Happydug]

Looking for some advice / opinions I guess? I hope no judgments but even if it means judging, I would like to hear what you have to say;
So I’ve just found out I’m pregnant (only about 3-4 weeks), totally unexpected. I currently have 2 children already (boy and a girl)and I’m in a happy relationship with the father and we have a good home.
However, and this is where judgement may come in, I’m completely torn with whether to proceed with the pregnancy or not.
These are some of my reasons, firstly I just don’t feel mentally ready, the first two I wanted and kind of planned for, I was ecstatic when I found out and it fit into our plans. This is the complete opposite, I feel shocked, scared, anxious. I already have 2 healthy children a girl 5.5 years old and a boy 3.5 years old. Life is good, it’s easy, they get on great, they both have their own good sized rooms. No nappies or breastfeeding/ milk, no sleepless nights (tbf they still get in our bed most nights haha!) my youngest starts school in September.
Will bringing another sibling into the family unit create tension / resentments? Especially the age gap? (Oldest will be 6, my son will be 4)

I have a career, I have done for the first two pregnancies, i have a good deal at my work, I work from home, earn decent amount and have a relatively fair amount of freedom. However, I work in sales and coming back from maternity the previous two times does take its toll. As I’m sure you all know, it’s hard coming back into the workplace, especially in a sales environment. Not talking to clients for 9 months and being on the back foot as soon as your back. I really wanted to kick on in 2026 and start making some really good savings and even potentially move into a better area.

Also, and I know this seems selfish, but I’m also thinking of myself. Can I really go back to pushing pushchairs, baby on hip? I’ve just got myself back this year, I’m in great shape, I look good, I feel good. I’m “trendy” again in my clothes. I have me time again, time at the gym. I know this sounds selfish as a mother, but I am a great mum too (sorry this last paragraph sounds like I love tooting my own horn haha) but I believe I’m patient and present with my kids because I do have my time, because I feel happy with myself again, I’m less irritable, if I like myself I’m a better person. And I think this to be the case with most people tbh.

Anyway, I just feel like having a third will not only set me back for the year/2 years of the pregnancy and birth, but in life. Having 3 children seems… mumsy. God I know that sounds terrible and my state of mind since finding out yesterday is all over the place.

I know no one can make this decision for me, but I just wondered if there’s anyone out there who has been through a similar situation? Or not, and just what your opinions / advice would be? What would you do? Am I being a totally selfish horrible person or do you think my feelings are valid?

Thanks in advance x

Hi op, you’re not selfish; and I think you know what you want to do. That is ok, it’s your choice. The worst thing would be to go ahead out of some misguided feeling that you have to, and then regret it. Go with your gut.

Hi op, you’re not selfish; and I think you know what you want to do. That is ok, it’s your choice. The worst thing would be to go ahead out of some misguided feeling that you have to, and then regret it. Go with your gut.

You don’t have to carry on with the pregnancy. You don’t need permission to terminate.

Thanks for your replies, I appreciate it.
I realise that what I wrote above is all pointing to one direction, and perhaps that speaks for itself but I wanted to add, I previously did want 3 children, you know when you just generally think about life. But as mentioned when life happens things change, especially now it’s easier and we’ve been through it. However - Does having a third child bring a different / new love and life back into the home? Will I look back when I’m 70 years old and wish I had more people round my table? Will th stress of a third child just blend in to our family unit? will my current 2 children appreciate a third sibling when we’re old or gone and they only have each other?

this is so difficult

Well only you can answer that - I have 3, and have also terminated an unwanted pregnancy because it was precisely that. Unwanted. I don’t think about it or what might have been. A child brings change - huge change. Not always for the best. Only you can know if you can afford it and you can imagine the impact it might have on your current dynamic. Sit with it for a while, but not too long. Make a decision having considered everything. What does your partner think?

You don’t have to continue with the pregnancy if you don’t feel mentally ready for another baby.

Hi OP. I am currently going through a similar experience and have a termination booked. The closest appointment available to me was 3 weeks after calling, and this state of limbo is awful for me.

Anyway, wanting an abortion because you like your life right now is reason enough. Please don't doubt your intentions if you believe abortion is the right choice for you.

I will say, make an appointment and see how you feel. You can always cancel if the shock of the news settles and you feel differently about a 3rd. Have you spoken to anyone in real life about this? It can help.

Sending you love💞

The majority of terminations in the uk take place in exactly the sort of situation you are outlining. Unwanted pregnancy in women who have children and a stable relationship is very common. Some will go ahead. Some won’t. Nobody can say what’s right or wrong, you just have to try and work out what option you can best live with, accepting all options May have regrets attached. Thinking of you.