I feel like a monster

[Katie2908]

Please I cant take any negative comments right now. Im currently crying. I feel like a monster. Im 14 weeks pregnant and I have an awful temper. I am so snappy with everyone my partner, my family. I am awful. I cant help it either. I just see red. My temper is so bad. I legit want to run away and isolate somewhere because I just feel so alone because im pushing everyone away.
I've suffered with HG , and had 2 x hospital admissions one for infection. I am so tired all the time. I had to leave work early on Friday due to sickness then breaking down crying over it. I feel like I need to go off sick but dont want to over xmas as I just think it isnt fair. But I keep crying feeling sick feeling tired angry. And I just dont know what to do.

I can see in my partners face he is fed up too. My sister wont talk to me because I sent a horrid message after she went "god what now" when I phoned her upset. She probably meant it in a jokey way but because im so sensitive i just lost it.

I dont knoe what im posting for. Maybe because I feel alone in real world.

I feel grumpy when my blood sugar is low. If you're still being sick could this be part of the reason?
However, you are still responsible for the words that come out of your mouth. So, whilst I understand that it's much harder to be civil when you are having a really hard time, if you don't want to push people away I think you need to stop taking it out on them. It's fine to be grumpy around people, but not at people.
Hope it all improves for you soon.

Because of the pregnancy I am hungry a lot. And do feel better after eating. But sometimes its just small triggers that set me off. Im really upset as I do feel im pushing everyone away which is why I feel like a monster. You're completely right. I know its not right me snapping at everyone and I just dont know how to get better.

I have every sympathy OP, that sounds miserable. It's really common to experience mental health issues in pregnancy - whether it's feeling weirdly disassociated from everything, including your baby... feeling fearful / anxious / angry... or all of the above, and more! You're at the mercy of your emotions: furious one minute, in tears the next. It's exhausting.

The good news is, the more you know and the more support you get, the less helpless and unlike yourself you'll feel. And gradually most women will turn a corner.

Talk to your doctor and don't be fobbed off - insist that it doesn't feel like it's 'just hormones' and you really need help. Prepare by Googling trusted sources (like perinatal anxiety Mind, the NHS website and recommended sources of help on MN), so you can have an informed conversation with the doc.

They should refer you to the perinatal health team. This team "support parents before, during, and after childbirth, focusing on both physical and mental well-being. It includes specialists like perinatal psychiatrists, nurses, midwives, psychologists, and health visitors. They help you manage mood disorders (like perinatal depression) and other challenges, ensuring a healthy transition to parenthood for families."

And in your more settled times, try to explain to your partner, friends and family what you're going through. I'd apologise (but that's up to you!) and ask for their patience while you're getting help.

@MixedFeelingsNoFeelingsthank you. That is very helpful. I rang my midwife this morning to try to get my 16 week appointment early. My plan is to just tell her everything then and go from there. Its horrible feeling this way. So up and down its exhausting.

I feel like i want to speak to my family but just feel like they wont understand or that I've pushed them too far away now so feel like its wrong to keep dragging them back. I just feel like I need to just be alone and deal with it so they dont get caught up in me.

Oh, well done! It's so hard to make that first step when you feel overwhelmed by everything else. Good on ya. Takes guts.

Totally understand that you can't cope with anybody else's hurt feelings right now. But bless you, that doesn't mean it's all over forever. They'll be as confused as you are by this personality change.

I think your instinct not to force things, and maybe take a step back from full-on socialising, is a good one. Though if you have one trusted friend or relative, it could be really helpful to confide in them. (And maybe they could be your 'mediator' to the rest!)

Then in time, if you want to, you'll be able to explain why you've been behaving like you have, and (if you want to), apologise for causing upset to people you love. Most important of all - at the end of all this, there'll be a baby who'll need all the love they can get, and a family that wants to love them and be part of their lives!

Don't feel guilty about work, there are no medals for handling the roughest pregnancy symptoms without help. Get the GP to give you a sick note, take it easy over Xmas and New Year's and get some rest and eat good things. Give yourself some TLC x

My biggest regret from pregnancy is trying to hold it all together and not take sick leave when I really, very much needed it. It just made things worse and worse and no one at work appreciated it in the end.

Take the leave. Ask for help.

Just wanted to support the advice given above, and sending hugs! After going through HG twice, it really does take an unbelievable amount out of you.
My midwife advised me to eat high calorie things whenever possible - chocolate, cake, sweets etc. it really did help. I know we're advised to eat healthily during pregnancy, but with HG, you can very easily get low blood sugar which can trigger more nausea and as someone said above, mood changes. I found boiled sweets provided a little sugar boost without triggering nausea. Speak to your midwife/ GP for advice, there are anti-sickness medications that can help take the edge off. Be kind to yourself (and to those who love you).

Get signed off work. You’re trying to do too much and it’s no wonder it’s catching up with you. You are not well enough to be there. With HG rest is crucial, so take a break and try and prioritise rest as much as possible. Also get some antiemetics from the doctor - there are lots of different kinds so there will be one that helps but you’ll need to find what works for you. I’m sorry you’re struggling so much but please prioritise yourself and your baby over work right now.

I have noticed when I've eaten i am in a much better mood so this could help. Im on cyclizine which has helped but I just feel so awful that im snappy so much. I've had a better 2 days thankfully but I think its because im just trying to take a step back mentally from everything

Thank you so much. I've decided after xmas where theres no pressure from work, if I need time off ill just take it it because youre right I get no medall. Though being in work yesterday and talking to few people it did help. And everyone has been super nice to me

I was also taking cyclizine and was absolutely vile (that's me, not making any comment on you) I snapped at my husband so many times, which is unusual for me. When I reached the stage where I was able to lower the amount I was taking then drop it all together, it went away completely. I mean, it could have been the lack of nausea, vomiting etc, but it could also be the medicine. Growing babies is a hard business.