Pregnancy after a loss, how to deal with the anxiety

[Mayfield09]

After a loss in October I am now 6 weeks pregnant and so so happy, although I can’t stop worrying, checking the toilet every time I use it, googling every pain, ache or discomfort. I take a test every time I wake up without symptoms (Ino I’m insane) I’ve even had to come away from tik tok as my algorithm was making me even more riddled with anxiety then I normally am. Ino this may be normal but would love to have an outlet to speak to similar woman as we haven’t told anyone and I’m just not doing well! 🙈 x

Congratulations. Try to Take it a day a time, each day is a success.
yes please avoid tik tok and other social media- just pick up a book or watch a movie instead.

if you can, i suggest you schedule yourself an assurance scan in 10-15 days just to assure you that baby is developing well.

i wish you all the best.

Sometimes the best speak is to yourself- do some journaling, meditation and positive thinking- youtube has lots of examples.

again best of luck, try to enjoy this pregnancy it is very special times.

Hi,

I understand your anxieties completely, sorry to hear about your loss.

I went through one in December last year and March this year. I am now 34 weeks with a little girl. In the early days of this pregnancy I was the same as what you’ve described. I spent a fortune on private scans too, and whilst it’s easy for me to say now with hindsight, it was a waste of money, only provided reassurance for minutes and wouldn’t have changed the outcome.

I read on mumsnet one morning at 3am whilst googling a pain, that women who have been through similar say “today I am pregnant and I’m going to enjoy it”. Ultimately, we do not know what the future holds, and apart from doing everything you can control, good diet, vitamins etc, you can’t control anything else.

id love to say I’m sitting here 6 weeks away from birth and I’m relaxed, but I still won’t breathe easily until I’m holding her and she’s alive.

be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes, I hope your anxieties ease as your pregnancy progresses, I think most women find they do, I’m just one of the exceptions I think.

also- congratulations!! Sorry, I should’ve led with that. I wish you a happy, healthy 9 months.

if things don’t improve reach out to perinatal mental health if you feel like it as they did help me, and when you do tell friends and family, talk about how you’re feeling. Don’t mask on happiness and excitement just because you feel you should, be honest about how you’re feeling.

all the best OP X

Thank you I know many many woman feel the same way but yet still feel like the only
person in the world feeling this crazy! Thank you for the advice I do have a private scan booked at 8+2 but like you said I know I probably will still feel the same until the 12 week scan!

I'm exactly the same as the moment! I'm 8 weeks today but had 2 previous early losses, I had a scan on Friday and saw baby and heartbeat but I feel like it's added another layer of anxiety because now I'm even more scared of something going wrong! I have another scan booked next Friday with my clinic (IVF pregnancy) and I just want it to be scan day now! X

I really connect with this. Im nearly 15 weeks, and the anxiety is a bit better now. the way I managed it early on was to acknowledge that it was out of my control- that nothing I could do or not do would change the outcome, and that my body knows best. And that although my miscarriage earlier this year was truly horrific, I did get past it, I did survive!. now, if anxiety hits, I do some breathing, and try to distract myself with something funny or joyful. and take it one day at a time. what I find funny about pregnancy is that more than anything else in life, you have to accept loss of control, and sort of hand over to your body, and trust that whatever happens you will deal with it. as someone who likes being in control, its bloody difficult to relinquish it lol. wishing you all the best with your pregnancy

Hi,

I can really relate to this. I had a mc in July (IVF pregnancy, self funded). I had to do a whole new ivf cycle in the hope of becoming pregnant. Luckily it worked but I was a nervous wreck about (a) another mc and (b) the fact I’d spent my entire savings on it. I am 14 weeks now. I can honestly say nothing much helped in the early days apart from regular private scans. I know this can be a controversial point as scans are only a snapshot in time but for me, they really helped. I have had scans every fortnight from 7 week (!) and I don’t regret it at all. I really do envy people who can just see a positive test and then have total faith in their body but how you’re feeling is so valid. Wishing you all the luck in the world for a healthy pregnancy and I hope time speeds up for you! ❤️

I lost my first pregnancy and fell pregnant with my now 2yo. At the time I was very, very anxious but I actually found not googling, staying away from social media and not doing private scans helped massively in the long run. I also didn't tell a soul until I'd had my 12 week scan. The likelihood of MC after 12 weeks significantly reduces so I felt a slight ease of the stress and anxiety.

I nearly had private scans but decided not too as this wouldn't stop anything from happening and I felt the build up to the scans would've been very anxiety inducing which I was trying to avoid!

To be honest until I held my DS in my arms there was a constant baseline of anxiety.

It's sad really as it really does steal the joy from you at times and can become so consuming but take it a day at a time, that's all you can do and try to stay positive 💐

Firstly congratulations!

Secondly, after a second trimester loss last year, we had almost given up hope of ever falling pregnant again but after a boozy, cheesy, doing everything I shouldn’t holiday to France in the summer we got the news of a positive test! Now nearly 23 weeks and only just started to enjoy it!

With regards to anxiety, it’s bloody horrible, I still now check every time I go to the toilet. It’s been 5 months of extra scans (6w, 9w, 12w, 16w, cardio scan, 20w, 22w) but we finally got the good news that we are no longer high risk and everything is normal!

I’m not sure what hospital you are at but we are with the Rosie in Addenbrookes (Cambridge) they have an Early Pregnancy Unit. They told us (before our loss in 2024) that we can have a viability scan (as we have also had a Molar Pregnancy and a blighted ovum). Might be worth speaking to your EPU about getting a viability scan?

My GP has also been amazing - definitely speak to them. I had anxiety before but due to the loss last year I did a MH assessment with the MH team and was diagnosed with PTSD. I was offered intense CBT if I was to fall pregnant again and was fast tracked to the top of the queue when I got the positive. It’s been life changing. Before I wouldn’t walk through the main set of doors at the hospital, wouldn’t park in the closest car park as I’d associate that with bad news (sounds mad now saying it out loud!) the CBT helped me over come all of that.

I also tested pretty much every day so I could see the line getting darker too. I know it’s difficult but try every other day, then gradually get more and more. It’s hard but you have to break the cycle somehow.

It’s easier said than done but try not to worry about your symptoms, mine were up and down but one thing was sure, my boobs were always painful, so every now and again I’d squeeze them 😂!

I’m always more than happy to help or chat to you anytime if you want to PM.

I’m currently nearly 34 weeks after an early MC in March (and another 3 years previously). I didn’t want an early scan, as I was worried about false reassurance, but ended up with one at 8w5d because I had the NIPT (I was able to bypass the combined test because my eldest daughter has Down’s syndrome). All was good, even though it was terrifying going to EPU for it after my two previous experiences. As soon as I had contact with my community midwife she arranged for a prescription of baby aspirin and high strength folic acid (possibly more because of my age than previous losses) which made me feel I was doing something to help the pregnancy. All has gone well so far - and it’s helped that this time round I have a posterior placenta so have been able to feel a lot more movement from much earlier on. I’m now waiting for a growth scan next week (again, age related) and looking forward to seeing her again, as my last MW appointment was back in early November so feels like a while ago I last heard the heartbeat! Best of luck with everything x

Congratulations!
It is so hard! .. I had a missed miscarriage when I went for my 12 week scan in October last year, they said baby stopped growing at 8 weeks.. I am now 29 weeks pregnant and have been constantly anxious until I could feel regular movements...
I booked a private scan for 9 weeks as this would have been after my previous loss, I very nearly booked another before my 12 week scan but held off, I asked the midwife at my 16 week appointment to check for the heartbeat as this isn't offered now and my movements were still pretty sporadic, so she did it for me, and then from around 20 weeks my movements have been pretty consistent, so put my mind at ease..

I think every bit of reassurance I got would only bring me a few days peace of mind and then I'd be panicking again 😅
They have also given me higher strength folic acid and aspirin to take daily as I have smaller babies