Pregnant and mum has stage 4 cancer

[Emma71992]

Just looking for some advice really from someone who may have been in a similar situation. Also this could probably go in a few threads so apologies.

I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant with first baby, all looking healthy. DH and I were extremely happy and excited but now this period is not how we hoped it would be.

My mum has been unwell for 2 months with what we were told was sciatica. In excruciating pain. She had a hoarse for a few weeks so GP suggested x-ray but wasn't concerned. Results show stage 4 lung cancer which has gone to bones so causing her the pain. We're all devastated.

For context, we lost my dad to cancer when I was a teenager so mum only has me and my sister.

I'm struggling to cope and terrified - never thought I'd have prospect of potentially having newborn without my mum to ask for advice. Also struggling to help my mum while worrying how I'm feeling could affect my baby. Also, having lost my dad I don't want to go through this again and not sure I can. Not sure what I'm looking for really. Look

My dad died even i was 9 weeks pregnant, DD is fine. You are not harming your baby with the way you are feeling x

Huge sympathies - my mother had stage 4 when I was similar stage of pregnancy and died when my baby was 12.5 weeks. It was also my first baby. There is no way round it - it absolutely sucked. I take some comfort in the fact that she met her first grandchild and I was able
to take her to scans and other things to make her feel involved. I still get very sad when I see mums and daughters out with babies. A couple of things to think on - she left me her best friend who was a huge comfort in those early years - im not sure if you have someone similar and I did buy in quite a lot of help that someone’s mum could have done. Also my baby and I was with her a lot in her last days - maternity leave did allow me time and flexibility which was useful. I know none of that is going to stop how you are feeling right now . Sending love

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I recently lost a friend to lung cancer. She was diagnosed in Aug 2020 with Stage 4 and with targeted therapy we had 4 amazing years with her before it stopped working, and she fought another year until October 2025. I don't want to spread false hope that you might get as long, but sometimes hope is all we have. It may well be sooner than that, but you might also get longer than you think. Once again I'm so sorry you're going through this and I wish you all the best with the rest of your pregnancy and hope your mum gets the best of care. ❤