Surprise third pregnancy - shocked.

[iloveyoubutilovememore]

Hi all, please feel free to exit from this thread if you are against terminations or have had difficulties with infertility/pregnancy as I know it can be triggering for some…

Just found out this evening that I’m pregnant. Went to the GP for unexplained tiredness and she suggested doing a test to rule out pregnancy. Whilst I haven’t been on contraception for a year or so (coil issues) I’ve been using the flo app to track periods and avoid intercourse during ovulation. Well that didn’t work!

I’m 35 and have two wonderful, exhausting boys aged 8 and 4. Me and OH have gone back and forth for quite some time about having a third and final child. More recently we’ve been leaning against the idea due to a number of reasons both practical and psychological. I graduated in October and was planning on doing a top up next year in nursing, my OH is about to launch his own business, we are just starting to get some time together and independently, putting money aside for the rare holiday etc. In short, I think we were coming to terms with sticking at two.

most importantly I am so conscious of spreading myself too thinly. I struggle as things are now with two, juggling work (mental health practitioner) school runs and clubs, housework, various pets and trying to see friends/hobbies. I’d like to think we are good parents who try hard to give our boys a nice life, and I’m so worried that this would be seriously affected should we continue with the pregnancy and add another child into the mix. Our 8 year old is often asking for a baby brother or sister which yes is cute and I’m sure at times he’d be wonderful, but he isn’t aware of the responsibilities and pressure it’s going to put on us all.

Having said all of the above, I’ve never felt ‘done’ and often wonder how life would look with three kids. We are a house full of love, chaos everywhere and keep ourselves busy. My husband is pretty chilled about the news and seems to be more in favour of sticking with it, but I’ve had to remind him a fair few times that more of this is going to be on me.

I’m considering speaking to a local termination centre tomorrow to get some more info, but honestly I am completely 50/50 and don’t know what to do! Please help.

Surely this is a discussion for you and your husband, not you and a bunch of strangers on the internet?

@Bungle2168 thanks for your input. I’ve had many discussions with my husband who feels similarly to me and we are torn with what to do. Mumsnet is pretty much built on seeking guidance and support from a ‘bunch of strangers’.

Do you (both) have the resources to support an additional child, and the inclination? Only you and your husband can answer that.

This is entirely my opinion, of course, but unless the response to those questions is a resounding “yes”, then termination is the least worse option.

OP, if you don’t know what to do, and there’s no pressing reason to take one course of action rather than another, then don’t do anything - and what will be, will be. It’s not given to everyone who gets pregnant to make it to term. Obviously it’s up to you and your family, but if there’s ever to be a “right” time to have another child, it’s now. There’s a four year gap between your first two, and there will be the same between your second and this one. If you decide that it would be too much, that’s obviously your choice, and you are the one who, as you say, would bear the brunt of the childcare, or if you decided to end things, would have to go through a termination and live with your decision. You say, though, that you’ve never felt “done”. Talk it over with your DH - the only irrevocable decision you’ll ever make in life is whether or not to have a baby: you can change your mind on everything else! Good luck - it really isn’t an easy decision to have to make.