So miserable in this pregnancy

[Dinosaurhearmeroar]

Hi everyone.

im not sure what im wanting to get out of posting this - perhaps reassurance that how im feeling is to be expected but since getting pregnant with ds2 in may i have experienced an awful pregnancy. It started in June with hyperemesis where I was bed bound, signed off work and going to the hospital for drips. I could not play at all with my 3 year old daughter. I lost weight and just looked grey.

second trimester it eased enough that I could work but I was still being sick - I’m a teacher and would race out of lessons/ assemblies / pull over on the drive in to throw up. No food since the HG in June has hit the spot - I live on pb toast rly as most foods give me awful acid reflux.

im now in third trimester and have developed agonising sciatica - im on crutches and every night I cry with the sheer pain of it and also releasing pent up emotions of the day (holding it together for my daughter). I’ve been signed off work again as I could barely manage to teach due to the pain.

To add to this I’ve recently been told I’m anemic (no surprise as my diet is so limited!) and that I might have chloestatis. My hands and feet have been itching to the point of insanity and the midwife has taken bloods to check I don’t have bile in my blood as this itching is a sign of chloestatis and not good for baby.

what with the sickness, the reflux, the itching and pain I’ve just had enough and feel quite broken. I don’t have long left thankfully but it is so hard and I do think it has made me depressed (I am prone). This baby is wanted but I am just surviving and literally just getting through to the bedroom each day - just existing really and feeling very little joy as I can barely do anything.

I guess I’m wondering if you would feel the same in my position? It’s incredibly hard being a mum right now as I can’t not parent but some days I wish I had just me to worry about.Dh is amazing but I feel so guilty that I can’t always do things with them because “mummy’s poorly.”

i am wishing my life away as this has been since June and I feel I am getting clobbered by this pregnancy.

x

I hear you. My first pregnancy was awful so when the same things happened during my second, I cursed myself for putting myself through it again. I had OC too so totally understand about the itching, I had it in my first but it went undiagnosed as my midwife said it was just hormones despite me showing her my bleeding arms and legs.

I absolutely hated being pregnant and felt terrible guilt about it as I knew I was so blessed to be carrying a baby. I found it painful, uncomfortable and depressing. I couldn't sleep or eat properly and wanted to escape my pregnant body, I just felt so trapped both physically and mentally (I felt shame in how I was feeling). BUT the moment I gave birth everything changed, I felt immense love for my baby and my body felt great, I actually slept better with a newborn than I had while being pregnant, I could eat again and had loads of energy. What I'm saying is, and I don't say it lightly, is hang in there, one hour at a time, 9 years on I barely think about it only how lucky I am to have two beautiful girls and knowing what I know now I would do it all again to have them. I think more feel like us than is talked about.

Thank you @Phoenix76 that was a really kind and compassionate response. ❤️

Yes, yes to all of this. I’m also a teacher. Had HG with my eldest and was signed off more or less 7 of the 9 months. Was first sick the day before the positive test on 25 September and threw up at least once a day, every day until she was born on June 3rd. Then when she was 18 months I got pregnant again and whilst less sick that time, was so anaemic I had to have regular iron and blood infusions from week 8 (and I was still pretty sick).

Hated all of it, but luckily as soon as they were both born I felt pretty decent again and the youngest is getting on for ten now, so it seems like a very long time ago. But at the time I was miserable, exhausted and depressed and felt guilty for feeling all of the above when I really wanted both babies more than anything.

This too shall pass. Be kind to yourself.

Thank you for this! I think having a little
one throughout all this is what makes it so hard.
i adore her but my god it’s hard after preschool when she is having tantrums and I am in pain and feel sick. I’ve been signed off work due to the pain and DD is in full
time nursery but even then I am struggling! The weekends are hard - she is up early and needs to be out and about which is difficult for me. Wishing this pregnancy away! DH does so much but I just feel guilt all the time! I know this too will pass but my goodness this has pushed me to my limit.