Anxious about close friend

[Lolodudu]

Hello,

I have recently found out I am pregnant. I have really wanted to tell my closest friend but she experienced an early miscarriage a few months ago which I supported her with.
I was really nervous to tell her but decided to message her and tell her when I knew I wouldn’t see her for a few days to give her some space, I messaged her it this morning but she still hasn’t replied back to my message and it is now late evening (she has read it).
in the message I basically said I understand if she needs to process it and basically just told
her I love her etc.
but I’m just confused on why it’s taking her so long to reply back to me.
Any thoughts please?

Well, ultimately I think you know why. She's really struggling with this news. She probably really wants to be able to congratulate you, and is finding it hard not being able to, so hasn't said anything.
Congratulations on your pregnancy - you still get to enjoy this regardless of her situation.

She is taking time to process, which you said you would understand...

Be patient

It was this morning and you told her you’d give her time to process. It can take more than a day to process any grief, jealousy, anger, upset etc it might bring up for her. None of it is about you. She might want to get in touch with you when she can do it with a heart that can give true space to your joy. Try to be as patient in practice as you said you would be.

Congratulations! Try not to let this cloud it for you. Have you got other people you can tell so you can get what you need right now?

Congratulations 🥳, focus on your exciting news and don’t worry about what she might think. As long as you not rubbing it on her face. Don’t feel guilty for having an exciting news.

Agree with the above comments. Plus, sometimes it can take days to reply to a message depending on what's going on in your life. She'll come round I'm sure but just give her time.

She's processing it. It was only this morning.

You were considerate in your message, but you don't seem to be backing up what you said by actually understanding that she needs space.

If you need to celebrate with people then tell those that you can and have some fun, but give her the time she needs if she is your friend. It sounds like a lot for her to take in and you don't know what kind of a day she has had either.

Like you said, she probably needs time to process it. I had several friends who experienced loss and so have I. When I fell pregnant, I knew my pregnancy would be different with them and it was. Although it was really difficult, I understood. And they’ve been amazing since she’s arrived.
I hope she responds soon, and I hope your pregnancy goes smoothly x

Give her time to process, you sound very empathetic to her situation. I’m sure you understand that she needs a bit of time and might not be able to show instant happiness for you, she needs to process her feelings

Thank you everyone :) I will keep giving her the space/time and hopefully when it feels right for her she will reply

You told her you understood if she needs to process it - so let her process it. She might reply tomorrow/in a few days, she might not reply at all. Just let her deal with it in her own way/time. You mention you're due to see her in a few days so just see how that goes and act normal with her. I wouldn't mention the pregnancy again unless she asks or makes it clear she is comfortable discussing it.

Rightly or wrongly, she may need to take a break from the friendship so do prepare yourself for that possibility, too. Congrats on your pregnancy though!

You said you were giving her space so no need for reply

I think telling her face to face would have been better so you could comfort her in real
time

As someone who has been in your friend's position multiple times, I think you've handled this sensitively sending her a message to process in her own time, and giving her time to do this - but do appreciate it may take some time, and longer than you might ideally like.

Pregnancy announcements when you've had a loss hit hard - even when you want to be happy for a friend, it can be very very hard. Congratulations on your pregnancy x

Im on this one too

You literally told her you wanted to give her time to process news you know will be difficult for her, so I don’t understand why you are expecting a reply…?

People are different of course, but I 1000% would have wanted a text not face to face, as then you are under pressure to react a certain way, and realistically she may well have felt upset and needed time privately to process that. Then you can gather yourself to form a response rather than feeling like a deer in headlights!

I’ve been on both sides. The one who miscarried twins whilst my close friend was pregnant and the one who had a son whilst another close friend went through 3 losses.

I’d say you did the right thing telling her over text, the majority of those who have losses would prefer a heads up over text. In my baby loss group there was only one lady who preferred face to face telling.

You are doing the right thing in being sensitive to her situation but I mean this very kindly, focus on yourself and baby and accept she may not be around as much whilst you’re pregnant. Being pregnant is a whole rollercoaster in itself. You can be understanding to your friend and give her space, she may not reply for a few more days. Don’t spend your pregnancy feeling guilty or worried about how your friend feels. You’ve acknowledged how hard this will be for her, she may float in and out for the next 9 months as it may be tough for her. She is grieving. Watching your close friends go through pregnancy milestones is tough when you so wish it was you. I’m sure she will be happy for you, just sad for her. But you are also allowed to be happy, find people around you that can support you and give your friend grace that she may not be about xx