Advice please no judgement

[Mumof2girls123]

I have been married 8 years and have two daughters age 5 and 2 . The past few years have not been great we are currently living in temp accommodation we lost our home due to the death of the landlord ( long story which involves court) . I had to give up my job whilst we are currently ‘homeless’ due to a lot of uncertainty. I did have plans to return to work when my daughter starts nursery in January , my husband works we do manage when I say we manage we live a basic life and have a few extras here and there. Me and my husband had our first night out in a while which has now resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. The pregnancy has bought a mix of feelings but ultimately the discussion of termination. As it stands we could not afford another baby well we could but we would struggle . We have been bidding for houses but coming up short we are only entitled to a 2 bedroomed house. My husband has a 5 seater car and we would not be able to afford a 7. I should mention that my husband has a small gambling problem although he doesn’t see it as a problem , any spare money he uses it to gamble. I have used all my savings on storing our furniture and court. It is breaking my heart as I love this baby but we can’t bring a baby up on love alone. I know getting pregnant was idiotic and I have even fell out with my family over it my dad is refusing to speak to me he thinks it’s irresponsible. The whole situation has left me severely depressed. I originally registered my pregnancy but now I have booked an appointment with a clinic. I know nobody can tell me what to do but would it be selfish to continue this pregnancy ?

You need to think about the kids that you have now, and how having another would affect their quality of life. It sounds like life is a struggle for you now, so maybe now isn’t the time. Good luck with whatever you decide.

From reading this, I get the impression that you want this baby, but you feel it's irresponsible to continue the pregnancy. My advice would be to continue with the pregnancy, since you already say you love this baby. Your financial and housing circumstances can change, but termination can't. I just get the impression you would really struggle with guilt and 'what ifs' if you terminated. Wishing you the best either way.

If you want this baby (and I’m guessing you do or you wouldn’t have told your family if it was an unwanted pregnancy - you’d have just booked a termination) can you sit down with your husband and discuss how you can make it work? You may not have to give up the 5 seat car (we didn’t) if you can fit 3 car seats even - even if one is in the front and an adult sits in the back! Your husband needs to address his gambling problem though. That would he non negotiable to me. There’s no way you can afford another baby if he’s gambling every share penny… and if he thinks you need more money, he might start gambling more or doing bigger bets because his brain will tell him those winnings will be a massive help. You’ll end up in serious debt.

If you decide on a termination, there’s no shame in that. But as it sounds like you want this baby, talk it through thoroughly and see if you can find a way - because if you terminate, you might end up resenting your husband if it wasn’t what you truly wanted, and you feel like it could have worked were it not for his gambling, etc.

Good luck - I imagine your head is spinning right now. Take a breath, and take your time.

F

I don't think you can really love something that doesn't exist yet, it's hormones. Hormones will not help you out of homeless accommodation.

(also leave the gambling addict - they're more dangerous to family finances than heroin addicts)

The head choice is a termination for multiple reasons. It’s if the heart can cope but the gambling addiction is a serious issue and your children face a bleak future with a Father that prioritises this over his family.

Of equal concern is your husband’s gambling addiction. You are skint. He doesn’t have a ‘small’ problem. Spare money that is gambled away when you are poor and unhoused is not small. It is big. Very big. You mention it like it’s an afterthought to all of your problems. It isn’t. Your priority needs to be the children you have. What a mess.

Of equal concern is your husband’s gambling addiction. You are skint. He doesn’t have a ‘small’ problem. Spare money that is gambled away when you are poor and unhoused is not small. It is big. Very big. You mention it like it’s an afterthought to all of your problems. It isn’t. Your priority needs to be the children you have. What a mess.

Of equal concern is your husband’s gambling addiction. You are skint. He doesn’t have a ‘small’ problem. Spare money that is gambled away when you are poor and unhoused is not small. It is big. Very big. You mention it like it’s an afterthought to all of your problems. It isn’t. Your priority needs to be the children you have. What a mess.

Oh wow... there's a lot to unpack here @Mumof2girls123 Hope you are doing OK.

I think you have ALOT of decisions to make, and continuing with the pregnancy isn't the most critical right now actually.

There is no such thing as a SMALL gambling problem. It's just a gambling problem. It's only 'small' because you're already broke. I say this as someone who found out earlier this year that my husband is a gambler. He has completely ruined our lives in the space of about 6 months.... because it escalates so quick. The difference is when I found out I took no shit and I didn't make excuses for him like it's a small problem. I gave him 2 options, hand over every penny so I can clean up his financial mess (which will take about 5 years) while he goes to therapy and gets a 2nd job, or he can walk out the door and say goodbye to his family. It's been about 6 months now and I've cleaned up alot, we do therapy together, he's taken up a sport to occupy him, he goes to GA and he has a 2nd job. We are also expecting another baby so I couldn't risk him dragging us further.

You don't have a solid roof over you & your kids heads, and your husband somehow has spare money for gambling? He's not the man you need in your corner.

Accidents happen, probably majority of the population are accidents. I'm.not going to judge that. And terminations aren't for everyone. Personally I'd worry how my existing kids lives would be impacted given they are already in a tough situation. Only you can decide if you wish to terminate or if you can see a way of having this baby.

But please make this decision based on YOU and your existing children and ditch the husband pronto. I think you should talk to housing about getting you & your kids setup, without him.

Your existing children must be your priority, both over the pregnancy and your partner’s gambling addition.

you need to leave him, he’ll drag you all down.

The biggest issue here is your husband. Please do not have another child with a gambling addiction. Seek help to leave him.

I have had the same thoughts for different reasons but I can sense that deep down like myself you know you would regret an abortion. I felt guilt even looking and thinking that way. After weeks of conflicting thoughts I knew if I felt that bad thinking of doing that it would ruin me to go through with an abortion

You have a few months to turn things round before the baby. Do you think that timeline would work?

I’ve just had my 4th baby with an idiotic unsupportive man that makes crap decisions.
I’m up all night. I’m functioning like a zombie on no sleep looking after the others. I’ve got no freedom. Money is tight. I love baby but to be honest it’s hell and I’m being honest.. it’s messed with my mental health & took a happy mum away from my others. Decision is yours but think about yourself & future first xx