Unexpected pregnancy! Baby number 4... advice please

[KatieBee25]

Hello!
Just after some positive stories or advice! So me and my husband have 3 lovely healthy children, DS 8, DD, 6 and DD 19 months. All 3 babies were very much planned, but after having baby number 3 I didn't want to go back on hormonal birth control so we decided to use natural cycles🙃 we have been so careful using it but have had unprotected sex on the green days ( I know it's not 100% for preventing pregnancy - obviously 🙈 ) but I thought as it tracks your cycle etc that we'd be okay!

We did the deed on cycle day 7 a green day and then it said I ovulated on cycle day 13... fast forward to today cycle day 29 (today!) which is 1 day late for my period as im usually a 28 day cycle like clockwork and ive done a test to rule out being pregnant AND huge shock i got a BFP.

I am still in shock / denial to be honest. We only ever wanted three, my husband needed convincing for baby 3 . All of my family are in wales, we are in the midlands and sadly my husband has no family around at all. So I don't know how we are going to cope , however I don't think I could go through with getting rid of the pregnancy though as I'd always wonder what if...

I am a full time stay at home mum, luckily we CAN absolutely afford to have another baby.
I know we could manage but I just feel really guilty on making my littlest a big sister when I always thought she'd be the baby of the family & also splitting myself again and taking away attention from my big two 😭 my husband says he will do whatever I want and support me. I think I do want to keep this baby but I'm spiralling on if I'll be able to cope!

anyway sorry for the rant. Just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks (please be kind lol)

Whats one more when you already have three.

If you really and truly didn't want another ypu wouldn't have used natural cycles, would you? This is an experiemce older than the hills.

Congratulations. I hope you have a happy, healthy pregnancy and a very safe and easy birth.

If you don't want a 5th, there are more reliable methods that don't involve hormones/the pill.

I’m youngest of 4 and was adored by 2 out of 3 of my older sisters (10 years between me and the eldest sister and though we are really close now, we obviously weren’t really as children). My mum was by herself and worked night shifts around us, we are all really close now and we all love having loads of sisters. It’s possible, you’ve done it 3 times and you can do it again! I know it’s a roll of the dice, but having siblings is the best thing my parents could have ever done for us in my opinion!

Four children will obviously stretch your attention more than three but it's up to you to consider if the impact on your children is worth your own uncomfortable thoughts about terminating.
If your husband didn't want a pregnancy to happen he should have had a vasectomy, much more reliable than you two tracking cycles... which will be even harder to do with 4 children.

You clearly are questioning now whether you could go ahead with a termination... that says it all really. If you worry now you'll regret it or spend a life wondering what if, a termination isn't for you. I say this as someone who did have a termination after a surprise pregnancy. I knew and my partner knew straight away it was not our time to add to the family.

I'd probably look at it like you're older 2 are close in age, and now the youngest will have someone close in age too.

But I would also improve your contraception from now on. I'd suggest if you 100% don't want another whoopsy possibility, your husband might consider the snip? Or you could get something a bit more permanent.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I have a bonus baby (no 5) and she is an absolute delight.

I don’t think you want or could go ahead with a termination. I was in a similar position with baby 3 and DH thought he didn’t want the baby. I had a few bpas appointments. I sobbed in them all. I couldn’t do it and I wanted the baby.
baby is here and everyone adores them. However I have made sure I have much better contraception. The depo injection is going really well for me. I would recommend after your baby arrives!
You have 3, you are a mega muma you can do this!! (I feel like I could probably do 4 if the occasion arose, 3 and 4 are basically the same haha)

Thanks everyone! And you are all right, I don't think I could go through with a termination as it's my own fault for getting in this situation and would always wonder who baby number 4 would have become.

I was on the pill before (hated the side effects!) and I just naively thought 'oh we had to really try for the other 3 and always did it in the ovulation window an accident won't happen to us' 😂🙃 what an idiot. I will 100% be going on the injection once baby arrives or get my husband to have the snip.

Hopefully what is meant to be will be (it's obviously still very early days at the moment) but if it's meant to be I know we will manage and try and enjoy the chaos 😂 thanks for the support ladies x

I have four and I LOVE it! Your older three will help and the forth will be so loved and doted on. Yes it’s a little bit crazy at times, but you’re probably an expert juggler already.

You don't have to continue with the pregnancy if you don't want to just because you have had a whoopsie. You are human after all.

Are you serious about natural cycles lmao or didn't you study that sperm stays alive inside of you for days and each time you do your deed it then re adds more for days...boggles my mind

No I didn't study sperm. I thought it could only survive 3-5 days not 7 clearly 😂 no need to be passive aggressive lol.

Yeah, I think CD7 when you’re assuming ov on CD13 is a reasonable risk to take if you have absolutely regular cycles. I think my ovulation day jumps around too much to trust avoiding conception by tracking. And, as you’ve experienced, sperm can very occasionally hang around longer than 5 days. Were you actively testing for ovulation using OPKs/BBT, or just going off cycle history?

I completely get wanting to avoid hormonal contraceptives though. I was always fine on the combined pill for well over a decade, but now am probably considered too old for it. I hated the implant when I had it, so next tine round, I might try the mini pill (just in case it wasn’t the progesterone element of the implant that I didn’t get on with) and if that seems to zap my libido again will look into the copper coil.

Congratulations on your pregnancy- you’ll muddle through somehow!

I’m one of four and we love each other. We fought as children sometimes but in the main played together and had a great time.

I am the eldest and I was 8 when my brother (the youngest) was born. I adored him! It was fun being a little mum.

I think when you have lots of kids you don’t have as much time with them obviously but they have time with each other. I felt loved by my mum even though she didnt have time to play with us.

Yes so I use the natural cycles app and I input my BBT every morning, the app predicted I would ovulate on day 15 as thats what I had done on all previous 9 cycles using the app, this month I ovulated early! 🙈 xx

I’m 33. I’m on my own. Just had 4th 10 months ago.
I am tired. Sad. And doing 4 alone. I wish I had a supportive husband like yours!! If I had what you’ve got 4 would be a breeze. Honestly sounds like you have a lovely little family & great hubby you’ll be absolutely fine. There not babies for long are they it gets easier.
listen to your heart. Go for it x