Looking at prams and feeding equipment and broke down when I got home.

[YorkshireGoldDrinker]

Hi ladies,

Sorry for the long title.

For context, I am currently 23 weeks pregnant and everything has gone perfectly so far. Touch wood it continues to go perfectly.

See my previous thread here:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5405613-pregnant-with-first-baby

I was at Smyths today looking at prams as part of complete travel systems; car seat, bassinet, the pram itself and I really wanted to get into it and be enthusiastic, but I have had so many losses before this little one that I don't feel I can fully connect with it all if that makes sense. There is so much choice as well and it's really overwhelming, but mainly I'm so scared of buying stuff for baby now in case something bad happens and I lose my baby.

I didn't buy anything, but now I have a pretty good idea of what I will need for baby when he's born. I got home, had some lunch and I just broke down. I'm so scared of losing my baby.

When even is the right time to buy things for baby? Is 23 weeks too early, or just right? I've never got this far in a pregnancy before and I still pinch myself because it still doesn't feel real.

I know I can go to triage at any time to get checked over and make sure baby is fine. I just... want a telly tubby screen on my belly so I can see him.

I'm going mad, aren't I?

You’re not going mad.

Some shops allow you to pay for things and they will hold them until you’re ready to collect at last minute, could you do that? And collect at 37 weeks or something? You will have to do something before baby is born as it’s recommended you wash their clothes, set up their bed and install the car seat. But maybe you can just wash a few baby grows and pack your hospital bag, put the car seat in and set up a Moses basket? The rest can be done once you bring him home. Good luck!

You're not gong mad. I bought very little before bambino arrived and certainly didn't decorate his nursery.

I was paranoid that I would jinx something by buying stuff.

I did have to preorder was the pram and car seat and I got that from an independent and they kept it in the shop for me until we were ready.

This was 15 years ago so not sure if there are that many independent shops around anymore. Could you keep at a family member's house?

I also bought the bare essentials and once he arrived then went on a shopping spree. With online shopping now you can literally hold out as long as you want
Good luck xx

Oh lovely, I'm sending you a massive hug. The chances of miscarrying now are very low. I can only imagine how nervous you must be. Now is the right time to start buying bits.

You’re not going mad.

I was afraid to buy anything for my first baby, and I have never experienced a miscarriage. Be kind to yourself. Do you have a friend you can confide in re how you’re feeling?

Even without losses I found it hard to look at these big purchases, I bought hardly anything before the birth and was able (was a while ago) to put down a deposit on a pram and you collected after the birth, an old fashioned idea but they still offered it, I did do research ahead but as most things are available all the time buying ahead was like tempting fate. I borrowed a car seat off a friend whose son is a year older than my eldest and also a wooden cradle (bought new mattress) and a few clothes for immediate use at around the 35 week mark, didn’t know which sex as was obscured. As it happens she was far smaller than expected despite late scans so ended up getting a sleepsuit from hospital emergency stockpile for preemies and went to Asda with dd age 1 day old to buy clothes that fitted

We left it until almost the end of the pregnancy. There’s an awful lot you don’t actually need and many things were bought for us as presents. I never did buy bottles and stuff as breastfeeding went really well.

I didn't have previous losses but I found buying all this sort of thing extremely overwhelming. Especially when you look online and see other people have full on nurseries set up! (Which you won't even need until baby is at least 6 months).

If it helps, I didn't even buy a car seat until about 34 weeks. They're not going to run out. Maybe wait until you're feeling a little more confident. 30 weeks is a great time to start. Best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy.

I don't think there's any rush unless you live in a very rural/ difficult to access location or are buying a niche product. I think the NHS recommends packing a hospital bag around 36 weeks, so it would make sense to have purchased car seat and newborn clothes by then, but we live in the age of next day delivery for most items.

I had several early MCs and felt similarly. I planned to breastfeed so didn't buy any feeding equipment, but had a back up list of what to order/send DH to the shops for if we needed it. I ended up ordering a bunch of clothes at 11pm one night at around 28 weeks as it suddenly felt "right".

Many losses here too- it’s really scary, but I’ve since had 2 children who are teens now, and it’s normal, sadly, but as you get closer to the due date you’ll become more bonded and feel he’s more and more real and then he’ll arrive and your life will turn upside down … in a wonderful way ❤️💕

Lots of losses here too. I now have a 20 month old and am 10 weeks pregnant again.

I was about 6 months I think when I bought the travel system, and that was just because I wasn't overly fussed on paying thousands for one and I chose a pretty standard one in Smyths but waited for their black Friday sale. I had it delivered to my mothers house (4 hours away, and we collected it maybe 6 weeks before baby?).

Other things like bedside bed, and the moses basket and bouncer I got maybe at 7ish months.... again I just waited for good deals on standard enough products.

There's no right or wrong time. In reality, you need some clothes, somewhere for baby to sleep and a carseat. That's pretty much almost you need to until they get here! And all of that stuff can be purchased pretty much overnight these days.

I know you don't want to buy too early, we didn't either, but don't leave it too late either. My boy was born at 32 weeks 30 years ago and he was a boy with NO possessions ! My mother in law arrived the next day with some tiny clothes and I sent my husband to Mothercare with a massive list of literally everything we needed. The lovely staff in Mothercare gave him a seat and a cup of tea before they told him how much it cost !

I should say the boy grew up large and healthy. My very best wishes to you x

Oh my goodness! Thank you all so much! ❤I feel better, still scared (I think I probably will be until he's in my arms), but not in bits like I was earlier. I had a cry and had some big hugs from my DH. He feels the same way I do but tends to not talk about it as it will break him like it did me. Baby has kicked me a few times whilst reading all your responses which is massively reassuring.

I did have a Mothercare very close by but they went bust. We do have two Smyths within an hour's drive from us and I can get baby grows from ASDA or Morrison's easily, I think also bottles and sterilisers are in those places (I need to double check that).

The Black Friday sales are a good shout as that's next week. My DH took a photo of the travel system while at Smyths and we found it online, so we will keep a close eye on the price and see if it drops.

I do have a support structure which is mainly my DH and in-laws. My MIL is definitely understanding (she had two kids and despite a bleed in her first pregnancy she never suffered a miscarriage) and although she can't truly relate, she is aware we've been to hell and back. She's also been very helpful with the money side of things because everything is so expensive now, which is a huge relief because it's one less thing to worry about. Holy crap I had no idea how pricey this stuff is 😳

I'll get my go bag sorted by 30 weeks and make it so I can literally grab it and head to the hospital.

It's a lot of things to consider but with a checklist and a plan, I think I'll be okay. All I need to do now really is enjoy the pregnancy as much as I can. I want him to properly boot me (ideally not in the bladder), as masochistic as that sounds, but it's the only thing that reassures me that he's okay.

After a late loss I didn't buy a thing with my pregnancy with my now 4 year old. He wore hospital clothes the day he was born, my DH bought some small bits from Tesco overnight for clothes and I spent 3 days in the hospital doing online orders and DH went to Mamas and Papas and got a whole pram and car seat set up. I was in hospital for a week but not unexpected so there was time but all the consultants and midwives knew we weren't buying anything and why. They were so supportive.

Not saying this is the right way to do it of course but it was the only way I could do it and if people around are able and happy to help it's possible to leave it very late to buy! Wishing you all the best

I understand completely, I also had a lot of miscarriages (all early) before DD came along. I don’t think I allowed myself to look at anything until I was about 6 months pregnant and then splurged with my mum.
Sending you and bump lots of love xx

Sending you a huge hug OP. You're definitely not going mad.
If I were you I’d just look at a few things online and think about what you want in terms of pram etc. Order it when you’re ready to.

Sending you a huge hug OP. You're definitely not going mad.
If I were you I’d just look at a few things online and think about what you want in terms of pram etc. Order it when you’re ready to.