Cesarian with a toddler and no help evenings or weekends after two weeks. Possible??

[Wirelessbird]

Hi guys,

I am due to have a cesarian and will have a 3.5year old at that point. My partner is an actor and has just been offered a long run of a play throughout my third trimester and first three months postpartum.

This means he would get two week’s paternity leave max. After this he would only have Mondays off each week. On days with one show (Tues, wed, Fri) he would leave at 5pm returning at 11pm. On two show days (Thurs, sat, sun) he would leave at 1pm returning at 11pm.

I am worried about handling the evenings and the majority of the weekends on my own whilst recovering from surgery. With my first, I could obviously just rest and move with the newborn needs. The end of the day is often in a particularly tricky point so I’m looking for stories of reassurance or tips from people who managed evenings and weekends on their own with two from early on.

thank you!

Can you afford to pay someone to help you for a few weeks? It sounds like your DH will be available for most of the day so providing he’s pitching in you should be well supported. But if you think you’ll struggle hire someone to cover bedtime for 2-3 hours.

Movement wise I was fine after 2 weeks and itching to drive at 3 but we’re all different. So if you think you’ll need help put something in place now. It will put your mind at rest later.

I was fine and back to normal with toddler after about a week - from a caesarean point of view I think you'd be, it's going to be a fairly hard shift just dealing with the two of them though.

Is it your second section? After my first i was grand after about 10 days but my second i really struggled for almost a month , the recovery was a lot harder the second time

I found a planned section a much better recovery.

3.5 they're old enough to not be carried etc and get used to not jumping on mummy before the baby arrives. I'd have coped OK even if I didn't want to. However it might be worth exploring some help, even a local teen for bed time support.

100 percent fine

You should be fine. I’ve had 3 sections and like others have said the first 4 days are the hardest then it’s gets better. By the second week I was fine, just the odd twinge every now and again if I lifted something heavy or moved in a odd way

Fine. It would be worth, for the first two weeks after he goes back, to prep evening meals together before he leaves, as that could potentially be challenging. Shower instead of bath at bedtime, as you can’t lift 3.5 year old out. Or bath in the morning.

Presuming he's around during the day to see to your toddler then the toddler will be in bed while he's at work

I can’t comment on the section part but every one of my fiends who has had one was up and about as normal within a week. Bedtimes are the easiest when they’re newborns. They sleep most of the time and their bedtime is whenever you go to bed. I’d say it got a little trickier when baby was having an earlier bedtime that coincided with my eldest but she was a year younger than yours. She’s 3.5 now and she just entertains herself while I sort youngest out because she understands more. Only hurdle I can see for you is if baby is affected by witching hour. My first was and between 5-8pm all she did was cry and nothing soothed her so having another person to swap out with was a godsend. Entirely depends on your baby though. My second was a dream thankfully so fingers crossed for you! Whatever happens, you just get on and do it because you have to. It will soon become routine and the new norm so you’ve got this!!

I’ve had 3 c-sections with 21 months in between each one. My husband went back to work abroad when my middle child was 3 weeks old and the youngest 18 days old.

I found the parenting the easy bit, the hard bits (physically) were the house work, I would get tired easily, pushing a shopping trolley was a nightmare.

Honestly by 2 weeks postpartum the worst bit is over and you feel “relatively” normal. I’d use mornings for your husband to do things like go to the shop, flick a hoover around.

I would arrange help for the first month or so…is there a family member who could come and stay, or visit for a few hours around bedtime? Could you pay a mother’s help/ local teenager or student? Without a CS, you’d normally expect to manage, but who knows what the recovery will be like. You need a plan B in place.

Maybe get a plastic stool to help your eldest get into the bath. Iv had two and was nearly fine after two weeks. I didn’t struggle much. You won’t be able to lift your eldest for six weeks but I found it fine in the house- just get them to clamber. Avoid the swings if she’s still in a baby swing. It shouldn’t be as bad as you would imagine. Everyone’s different though. I had a two year old and I was fine. Take it easy for six weeks.

Exactly this. Both me and me and baby were seriously unwell, with no prior expectation of this. Make plans to have help and if you don't need it that's great

I’ve had 3 caesarians and was fine within a week of each of them. Obviously with the second and third ones I had more to do at home than with the first. Get plenty of new games/distractions like colouring for the toddler

I think this depends so much on your personal recovery and what flavour 3.5 year old you have (I had one very high needs and one very chill one!).

Can you get any family to come and stay?
I had my mum and mother in law do about 10 days each to cover the 2-5weeks period. Another option is a postnatal doula or other mother’s helper.

There is a bit of a weird thing with women where ‘I managed in worse conditions so you should have to’, but we also know PND rates are scarily high. I highly recommend getting in support. Women were never supposed to tough it out alone. I think it’s fantastic you are planning ahead to prioritise your wellbeing and your children’s wellbeing. What a wise and sensible person you are!

I had an emergency c-section, and I remember it was exactly 10 days afterwards that I started feeling normal again, and friends have said roughly the same time for them too. So barring any unexpected complications, I would have thought 2 weeks would be a good recovery time before you have to parent solo. Good luck!

As with anything, it depends, but mine were a similar gap, and by 2 weeks after my second I was basically fine. Yes, taking things carefully, but really not an issue generally - by that point I wasn't even on painkillers anymore (and mine was an EMCS, not even planned)

It’s absolutely doable and a lot really depends on your own personality and if you like routine but if you relax and go with the flow a bit you will be absolutely fine. I just realised your DH will be off for two weeks so yes absolutely you will be fine. Obviously unless you have a particularly difficult recovery but in most cases after two weeks people are starting to get on with life as normal especially if you have older dc with school runs and activities. Be kind to yourself and let standards drop a little as regards screen time so you can keep older dc occupied while the baby sleeps and you can rest up. Also at that age the baby really will sleep a lot so I have great memories of being in the playground with 2.5 year old dd and newborn DS. Try to get get out of the house everyday especially as you will be by yourself for a lot of the day so seeing others and having a chat when out and about will definitely help as well