unexpected 3rd pregnancy

[Allsigns]

....while waiting for DH's vasectomy. We’re a bit shellshocked and torn.

I’m uncomfortable with the idea of terminating knowing how magical our existing children are. But life feels so wonderfully easy right now and 3 wasn't the plan. Continuing with this will naturally shake that right up. But we panicked about changing everything before both #1 and #2, and it's all worked out. But then I keep hearing about how the world is made for families of 4 and I go around in circles.

I come from a big family and enjoyed the chaos. My siblings must have too as they now have 3 or 4. But they're 10 years ahead of me and say the finances were easier. Online seems full of people who regret their third. People lament the difficulties of rollercoasters and hotel rooms like they're every day experiences. I only went to theme parks on school trips and it didn't really occur to me that wasn't normal! Normal for us is walks, beach trips, libraries, picnics, camping, ferrys....in that world 5 doesn't feel hugely more than 4. Though the roof box might need an upgrade.

The logical side says stop at two; the emotional side keeps having visions of 3 faces around the table or in the rear view mirror and that feels nice.

How do people ever make this kind of decision? (Though feeling blessed to live in a time and place where we have the choice.) The pros are mostly heart; the cons are mostly practical and I’m stuck in between. DH is the same. He says he feels like he's on a pendulum.

I’ve got five now and found the third a breeze! Pregnancy was harder but she was a doddle they all get on so well now older and played together amazingly

I got pregnant with out 3rd at a really difficult time in terms of my career. Contemplated with the idea of terminating, but decided against it. Went for my scan and boom, twins. We went from 2 to 4 and honestly, I wouldn't change a thing. I LOVE it. The logistics of more than 2 are tricky when thought of, but living in it not so much. We very much go with the flow and hand stopped stressing the small stuff. Our 2nd child is only 2 and I take all 3 younger ones to playgroups, shopping, days out. Its only ever as hard as you decide its going to be. Things being more complex with a larger family has allowed me to alter my mindset and expectations and switched the narrative to everything positive. More love and laughter of little people has healed my soul ❤️

The tone of your message tells me you do not want to terminate but you think it would be the logical decision to fit in with societies standards. But you have choice here, listen to your intuition and no one else's!
Good luck x

We had an oopsie of a third, we went in to abort and neither of us could go through with it. Never cried that much in a week ever!
Did end up miscarrying a handful of weeks later.
But then my heart was already open to a third so this one is actually now planned and we're waiting for contractions to start!
Financially probably not our best decision and its going to shake the tree with the dynamics a lot. But emotionally (so far) it feels right
Good luck to you and your choice x

Congratulations 🎉 Just go with your instinct which is saying it will all work out...it always works out in the long term...you are blessed so enjoy the blessings ❤️ early days yet that's why you're feeling like this...it's normal ...but I assure you later on you both will be just fine. Good luck hope all goes well for you as a family of 5 ❤️

Thank you for the replies. It is very likely a case of overthinking it, which isn't unusual for me. I seem to manage to research myself into most decisions but this is one of those times where reading isn't really going to help much. DH is more go with the flow usually but even he's turned upside down about this one. For now am going through the motions like it's sticking, so adding folic acid to my usual vitamin d tablet, have told my Dr etc. Honestly I'm excited, but terrified that there seems to be very few accounts of people not regretting their choice not to stick at 2. Then again I genuinely heard So few people talk about parenting with fondness that I was terrified to have my first and that's been the most amazing rollercoaster. Being a mum has absolutely been the making of me so far. So thank you again for the slice of positivity!

I have 3 and despite an incredibly difficult 3rd pregnancy, my daughter being born 10 weeks early and her diagnosis of epilepsy and brain damage; I wouldn’t change a think. Seeing all 3 happy and getting on really melts my heart.

My third is awesome and seeing them all together is lovely.

We’ve never had an issue for spaces for holidays and rollercoasters often are set up for groups of six anyway but if they are for four, just do a group of three and group of two.

That's the bit I'm looking forward to! How old are they?

I'm not personally a huge rollercoaster fan so technically in our family #3 would be solving the issue of someone sitting alone rather than causing it 😂

Wowee that sounds like a super tough 🥰 thanks for sharing.

I am in a very very similar situation to you, found out I was pregnant with number 3 almost 4 weeks ago totally unexpected! I went to explore my options but honestly just couldn’t go through with it and I’m now almost 8 weeks.

I don’t think I’ve ever cried as much as I have for all sorts of reasons, but ultimately whatever decision you make will be the right one for right now and that’s what matters. Try not to dwell on the what ifs because they’re just that and they might not happen.

Congratulations! My accidental third was also twins. Wouldn't swap them for the world. Love the chaos. Feel so lucky to have them. Xxxx

I was in your position a few years ago. I let all the practical issues get in the way and I thought it was the best thing for everyone if I aborted. Which I did… and I ended up practically having a breakdown after that decision. It was the wrong decision for me, I let my head rule my heart and it was soul destroying for me. Not saying for a second that for some people it isn’t the right decision.. but for me my decision hit me like a ton of bricks.
for the sake of getting a different car, rollercoasters, holidays (all the things you said) I aborted my baby and I think about it every day still.
I did in fact go on to have a planned third baby after this which has healed the situation somewhat, but not entirely.

I suppose what I am saying is, all the material cons can be worked out. It is a scary decision though..
I am pro choice to be clear. I wish you luck!

I’m 39 and pregnant with number 3. Came as a shock as have two boys older at 10 and 14.
I was confused about what to do as my relationship wasn’t in a good place but decided to go ahead as deep down I knew I couldn’t go through with a termination.
practically it’s not ideal but I couldn’t be more excited for my little girl to be born. Due feb xx

Did not regret my surprise third (after a lot of trying for the first two). Honestly the best thing that ever happened to me.

This comment really hit home for me. I'm still feeling pretty terrified at how much this is going to rock the boat, but everything you put here resonated so much with both of us we've decided to let nature decide and are going with it.

Thanks so much for sharing your story xx

Congratulations! Go with your heart!!