So anxious and low, I’m not enjoying a second

[Ccjjc]

I know many people don’t “enjoy” pregnancy. However, I am so anxious and low that any joy I might get is not there at all. I am 22+2 and I’m so scared of losing the baby that I can’t even stand to see kids clothes in shops, when people ask me what I need or want for the baby, I shut them down or if I’m not in a total low, I’ll make a joke about seeing what happens first.

My partner wants to start on the nursery / babies room and I can’t bare the thought of it being there if something goes wrong still.

It doesn’t matter how much I reframe things, look at facts / statistics, I can’t get the idea out of my head that this is going to end in loss. I’ve had no previous loss, however have spent around £12,000 on IVF and I won’t ever go through it again (I was really unwell with it) so it feels like an only chance, so that may be playing a part.

Ive gone for private scans / to the maternity assessment centre more than is “normal” - I will feel ok for maybe 2 days and then the cycle of panic starts again. Today I’m worried about lack of movement but I was only there on Monday for a follow up scan and saw a perfectly alive baby with a strong heartbeat. Please don’t tell me too many scans are bad - I’ve already worked myself up about that one 🙃🙃

it’s affecting everything. My work, my mood, my relationship. And the joke is.. I’m a blooming therapist! So I’m feeling like an absolute fraud at work when I’m having panic attacks and hysterically crying most days.

I can’t live like this. In and out of the hospital all the time. I’ve tried “staying calm” but I feel like I’ve been taken over!

I haven't experienced this in relation to pregnancy, but it reminds me a lot of how I felt a few years ago when I had some health anxiety around cancer.

I'd never felt like that before and I'd always thought of myself as a sensible, logical person and I even have a Masters in Clinical Psychology so it completely blindsided me. I spent ages telling myself to snap out of it, which of course made no difference! I would spent hours reading about cancer symptoms, checking my breasts, going to the doctor to get things checked and it's hard because the advice is always to go get checked if you're worried, exactly like pregnancy!

Eventually I referred myself on the NHS for therapy and in the last few years have had two courses of CBT which has really helped. I feel like I am equipped and have the tools to deal with it now.

I would speak to your midwife and get some support, or self-refer if you can. I think Tommy's do MH support and they'll be other organisations too I'm sure. I don't think being a therapist makes any difference, you're still a human!

You deserve to enjoy your pregnancy so don't battle with it on your own.

I think this is ante natal anxiety, it doesn’t get talked about as much as post-natal but it’s still very real. For me the key thing that stands out in your post is you name all the ways it is affecting you, so it’s different from feeling a bit low. Can you talk to your midwife about seeing the peri-natal mental health team?

Hi OP, this was me with my son in 2023 after a twin loss (miscarriage) previously. I ended up taking maternity at 29 weeks as was so mentally unwell.

I’m not sure if you have done this already, but you need to tell your midwife how you are feeling and should be put on a waiting list for prenatal therapy. Because you are pregnant and vulnerable they should see you quickly.

I wish I could give you lots of tips but to be honest, I was an anxious mess until I held my son in my arms. Somehow you just get through even when you tell yourself you can’t do it.

Tell your partner how you’re feeling, I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to do the nursery at 22 weeks. To be honest, we didn’t actually do it until my child was born because of my anxiety. He was in with us anyway until he turned 10 months old so I didn’t see the rush xx didn’t need to buy anything until over 30 weeks in my opinion