Will I ever be able to enjoy this pregnancy?

[tinseltits21]

I am 15 weeks pregnant and really struggling with anxiety - I have been referred to perinatal MH team but not heard anything from them and will raise this at my midwife appt next week.

The first trimester I was worried about a chemical pregnancy or miscarriage and when I reached 12 weeks I felt a slight sense of relief but today I am worried about the baby losing its heartbeat going forward - perhaps because my partner and I were talking about the baby last night, he noticed that I am showing a bit now and it seems more real. I have already had about 8 scans (NHS and private) for reassurance and need to stop this but the wait from now until the 20 week scan feels so long and anything can happen - just recently I have read about women who have had losses at 16 and 18 weeks. I haven't told friends that I am expecting because I am worried about 'tempting fate'. I thought that by now - in the second trimester, with low risk NIPT results - I'd be better but my anxiety has caught me by surprise today. I also have an anterior placenta so that doesn't help in terms of not being able to feel movements for much longer.

Hi, I completely relate to this. I have had a previous loss though so that's definitely a factor for me. I thought as I got further along I'd feel better but now at 23 weeks I'm more anxious than ever 😩 I feel baby move a lot now but when she goes quiet I literally start losing my mind assuming worst case scenario! I actually did this last night and then a couple of hours later she was kicking away like crazy again! 😂 I think it's because we really can't control the outcome, we have to just trust everything will be ok, and that's hard to do especially as you become more and more attached to baby. But the truth is the vast majority of babies are born healthy and the odds really are in our favour. These losses you read about are the exception, like me these people were just very very unlucky 😢 I remember being at your stage and just counting down to the 20 week scan, felt like forever but then it just comes around and I can't believe it was actually 3 weeks ago now! It will pass, just try and keep as busy and occupied as you can. I'm sure everything will be ok and you can start to relax and enjoy your pregnancy ❤️ x

@Pennyrosesthank you so much for your kind reply ❤️ I’m really sorry to hear about your loss. I know that I will be the same as you re baby movements. I hope you can start to relax and enjoy your pregnancy, especially now the 20 week scan has been and gone and you are only one week away from viability. I am wishing the weeks away wanting them to hurry up so I can get to the ‘safe’ period. My partner’s sister in law is about to give birth and she only had 3 scans in her entire pregnancy. I’ve already had 8! I wish I could be more like her

I was like you too OP, after multiple chemical pregnancies, I spent a fortune on private scans. I relaxed much more once I could feel baby moving though, around 20 weeks xx

@tinseltits21 I've had about 8 scans too! They're reassuring in the moment aren't they but then within a day or so I'd find myself stressing again 😩 it's so hard, just take it one day at a time that's what I've done. Each day I get through is a win and a step closer to the end and meeting baby ❤️ x