13w - how to trust you are still pregnant?

[toolittletimeagain]

This is my first pregnancy with a very much wanted baby and I am quite anxious - have been referred to perinatal MH but waiting for an appointment. Had 12w scan last week and all seemed fine but i am constantly worried about miscarriage/heartbeat stopping. I have already had 7 scans and can't really afford to keep doing that. It is stopping me sharing my news with people as i don't want to 'tempt fate'. I did tell my hairdresser as I needed her to use ammonia free dye and she told me about all her miscarriages and stillbirth which didn't help! I know it's only 3w til my midwife appt where they will use the doppler to find the heartbeat but I just feel like I am in a constant state of worry.

You've come this far and it shows everything is going to be ok.

Hate to be the the person, but they dont usually listen to the heartbeat at 16 weeks anymore as it was causing mums anxiety when they couldnt find it or struggled to find it as baby is still so small and it was spiking with patients at EPAU so the new guidelines are to listen to heartbeat at 25 weeks when its easier to find.

The rate of miscarriage drops drastically after 12 weeks, i feel like your hairdresser shouldnt have been open about that since you're already anxious.

Try self care to take your mind away from it. The NHS is the only place you should be looking for food/drinks to avoid during pregnancy.

Scans wont do you any good either, that will trigger more anxiety after having them. It solves the issue for maybe an hour😅

I do feel for you at this time. Pregnancy is a scary time but its all worth it in the end! X

Definetly go to the perinatal MH app. How long is the wait?

No advice aside from to definetly seek help now before it spirals. It will get worse when the babies born if you don't. ( speaking from experience )

I was exactly the same with my successful pregnancies as I had experienced so many losses. I had NHS scans every 2 weeks due to complications in previous pregnancies though which really helped ( mentally and financially )

I know you didnt say but don't buy your own doppler..... it's a relief to hear but it just leads to you constantly checking

I know it's hard but just try to enjoy being pregnant. I'm still saddened by how much time I spent being anxious and worried whilst pregnant and the early years of my children's lives. I wish I'd got help for it

t's good youre seeking health for your health anxiety. I would look at statistics in the meantime - statistically, the risk is extremely low. Barring any additional health issues or factors you have not mentioned here, there is no reason to believe that you would not happily carry this baby to term, or certainly, only a very small chance of things being materially wrong.

Also, medical care in this day and age is a million times better than in the past. I read stories on MN and her in real life ALL the time (including in my own case) of how a potentially dangerous situation was averted due to modern medical care.

congratulations on your pregnacnY. Tell your friends and family and enjoy it.

It’s good you’re seeking support: rhe risk of MC is very low past 12 weeks. I really wouldn’t get any more scans unless medically necessary (obviously have the 20 weeks NHS one). Scans dont change anything. It’s most important to learn to manage your anxiety as it’s not going to get any easier once you have a baby and are sleep deprived! You don’t have to share if you don’t want to. Do also bear in mind that it’s not always possible to hear the heartbeat that early on, the midwife should tell you this.

Now that you’ve come this far it is far far more likely than not that it will go well.
I really struggled with perinatal anxiety with my first son. I had had two pregnancy losses before but very early on at 5/6 weeks.
Once you get to even 10 weeks the likelihood of miscarriage plummets.
I found comfort in statistics and facts. I never found breathing exercises or anything like that particularly helpful but some people do.
Once you get to around 20 weeks and can feel the baby move, that’s provides hourly reassurance so not too long to go until then!

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate you all taking the time to reply.

@LER2023thank you for warning me that the heartbeat won’t be listened to at 16w, I am disappointed but at least I can be prepared now.

@DearyDrearyDeari don’t know how long the wait is - I asked to be referred at my booking appt when I was 5w, it’s 8 weeks later and I’ve heard nothing! Will bring it up with the midwife at my appointment. Funny you should mention the Doppler as it has crossed my mind but I probably wouldn’t use it properly and would end up not finding a heartbeat and freaking out.

Only less than a month till you start feeling kicks I think

The midwife listened to my baby’s heartbeat at my 16 week appointment (and found it without difficulty). I didn’t have to ask, she just offered. I am now almost 28 weeks. So they do still do it. You can always ask them to do it for peace of mind, but just be mindful that there is still the possibility that they may not be able to find it purely because baby is still small.

16-17 weeks is quite early with first pregnancy. Around week 20 is more common.

OP; statistics is on your side most pregnancies so far as yours will deliver a healthy baby.