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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

🍼 “Why is having a third child still considered a mistake in modern Indian families?”

21 replies

WombOfWisdom · 30/10/2025 09:58

I’m 37 years old and recently found out that I’m about 1.5 months pregnant. I already have two children — aged 12 and 9 — and while many might say my family is “complete,” I feel differently.

This pregnancy wasn’t exactly planned, but deep within, I feel it’s meant to be. I’ve had three medical abortions in the past, and my heart just doesn’t want to go through that again. Something in me feels that this baby has come for a reason — maybe as a blessing, maybe as a healing — but certainly not as a mistake.

The hard part is, no one around me is supporting this decision. My family and friends keep calling me “stupid” or “irresponsible” for wanting to continue. They say it’s impractical — that I’m too old, that my other kids are grown up, that life will get harder. I understand their point, but emotionally, I can’t bring myself to end a life that’s already begun within me.

Right now, I’m managing everything alone — the confusion, the guilt people try to put on me, the physical changes, and yet, a quiet faith that if God has given me this life, He will also give me the strength to nurture it.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know this: I want to keep this baby.
And I want to know — have other mothers felt this way too? Have you ever gone against everyone’s advice to follow what your heart told you was right?

OP posts:
ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 30/10/2025 10:09

Have you discussed this with your partner ?

Chafing · 30/10/2025 10:11

This reads like AI.

WombOfWisdom · 30/10/2025 10:21

Yes i have discussed with my partner but he said to abort as its impractocal to have another child .

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 30/10/2025 10:21

WombOfWisdom · 30/10/2025 10:21

Yes i have discussed with my partner but he said to abort as its impractocal to have another child .

Well thats a whole other issue

Iloveeverycat · 30/10/2025 10:23

Why is having a third child still considered a mistake in modern Indian families?
You haven't mentioned why it is considered a mistake. Who says it is a mistake does your religion tell you you are only alowed 2 children. Did your DH make you have the abortions before did you have a say in it.

WombOfWisdom · 30/10/2025 11:58

No one really asked me to, but somehow everyone started saying the same thing — “Three is too much,” “You already have two, that’s a complete family,” and “Why do you want another child?”

Before my daughter was born, I had already gone through a lot. After my elder one, I had to go through two medical abortions because it was too early to have another baby. Later, there was one more. So in just 5 years, I went through three abortions and gave birth to two children. Now, after nine long years, I have naturally conceived again — and deep inside, I don’t feel like aborting this child.

But everyone around me keeps saying it’s not practical — financially, emotionally, or socially. That having a third child is somehow “wrong.” And I keep wondering why? Why is it so wrong to want to bring another life into this world when my heart feels ready? Why does society decide how many children are “enough”?

I’m not seeking approval — I just want to understand why a mother’s instinct or wish is questioned so harshly.

OP posts:
ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 30/10/2025 14:54

i am not over familiar with Indian heritage culture, but I will say that the two families that first come to my mind that I know with this background do actually have three children so I have no idea whether or not this is specific to your family. Do you feel that you were coerced into your previous abortions? I suppose the question to consider is, if you go ahead with the pregnancy and your partner is not supportive of it, do you think he will come round, and are you willing to go ahead as a single parent if he doesn’t? It all sounds very sad to me. Were/are there any health concerns for yourself and your older children either now or at the time of the pregnancy and birth? I’m thinking particularly around either your own mental or physical health. I’m sorry you are in this situation anyway.

TheCurious0range · 30/10/2025 14:58

I'm not from an Indian background but for about ten years worked for an Indian family owned and run company where I was one of only two non Indians, so have lots of Indian friends and saw lots of colleagues have families etc. Lots of them had more than 2 children, I'd say more than my non Indian friends.
It seems like your husband sees abortion as contraception which is the real issue. I am very pro choice but this doesn't sound like it's your choice to terminate

SquaredCircled · 30/10/2025 15:04

I don't understand why you're inviting everyone's opinions. You're only six weeks pregnant -- why does anyone have to know other than you and your spouse? Why do other people even think they get a say?

I'm also concerned that you've had three terminations because it was too soon to have a baby after giving birth, and now you're accidentally pregnant again. Were you being coerced into sex without contraception, or is your contraception faulty? I can appreciate that this could happen once, but four accidental pregnancies sounds like a lot.

I had my only child when I was almost 40, by choice, and I didn't tell anyone other than DH, my midwife and my line manager until I was almost 20 weeks pregnant. It never occurred to me to ask anyone's advice about whether having DS was a good idea.

The only person who needs to be on board with this is the baby's father. Forget other people. You two have some serious talking to do.

Sohelpmegod25 · 30/10/2025 15:09

If your husband isn’t on board that’s the main stumbling block here I would say;
not the age gap, plenty of people have bigger age gaps which can be challenging but not impossible but you have to consider how this will impact everyone else.
with these previous terminations tho without being awful, I’d have thought in this day and age you’d have been using contraception if another child wasn’t exactly planned??

ginasevern · 30/10/2025 16:39

I know quite a number of Indian families (Sikh and Hindu) and many of them have more than 2 children. I've never heard that 2 children is a Indian specific thing, and to be honest I don't think it is. Three abortions in 5 years is a lot. I would've thought, if anything, that abortion was rather frowned upon for a married woman in your culture. Did your husband force you to have the abortions?

PermanentTemporary · 30/10/2025 16:46

I’d agree to reduce the number of people you talk to about this decision. You sound pretty clear about what you want. I hope all goes well.

Iloveeverycat · 30/10/2025 17:49

Who told you it was too early to have another baby and how early was it. There are a lot of posters on here that say they have become pregnant quite quickly after giving birth but you don't have to have an abortion because of it.

WombOfWisdom · 30/10/2025 17:57

Hi its not early i am talking about its why having 3rd child is issue
And last i delivered was 9 years ago

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WombOfWisdom · 30/10/2025 17:59

No he hasnt we werent ready pressure of raising kids these days is just too much and offcourse its not about numbers its about if you have 2 kids and family is complete why to have 3rd when the women who have to take care of everything physically and mentallh is ready for it .

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WombOfWisdom · 30/10/2025 18:01

Yes we do use contraception thats why i was shocked how can it happen and to clarify here husband was never on borad both my kids were born unplanned .
And this time again after 9 years o have concieved hqvent concived even once in these years thats a kind of shocking to me and i really wanna have another so whats wrong in this .
Thats my point anf here i want answer thinking of having 3rd child is wrong????.

OP posts:
WombOfWisdom · 30/10/2025 18:07

@SquaredCircled thanks
But if husband was in the talking i would not be seeking guidance.
I am here to take the confusion and guilt out and enjoy what god has gifted me with

OP posts:
OverDram · 30/10/2025 18:09

The double —
got me thinking ChatGPT

WombOfWisdom · 30/10/2025 18:12

@ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea @TheCurious0range
Hello no Its not Indian culture or anything the the socialal pressure i am mothet of both boy and girl and eberyone feel its a complete family and previous abortions were because we werent ready and even after contraceptives i have concieved this time too.Pressure of raising a child is too much as nothing is cheap and compition is just too much.
But my opinion when we proving for our two kids we can for the third aswell.
My point is why i cant have 3 beacuse i have both a boy and a girl? When i really need this one i dont know why but i do !

OP posts:
wizzywig · 30/10/2025 18:20

My inlaws are Indian. They have said that they had years of adverts and publicity in Indian media to promote having 2 kids. And it stems from that. And if you have 1 boy and 1 girl then others view your family as complete. The culture is one of everyone can stick their oar into your business. Ultimately this is your decision.

Hoppinggreen · 30/10/2025 18:50

Before my daughter was born, I had already gone through a lot. After my elder one, I had to go through two medical abortions because it was too early to have another baby

What does that mean? I support a womans right to choice but I have never heard of such a thing

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