Ghosted and Pregnant

[JoyousShark]

Hi everyone,

I’m American and was seeing a British guy earlier this year while I was in the UK. Things ended pretty suddenly (he ghosted me) and shortly afterwards, I found out I was pregnant. It's definitely his.

I’m not looking to cause drama or “chase” anyone, but I do feel he deserves to know about the pregnancy. I’d like to give him the chance to be aware and take responsibility if he wants to.

Here’s the tricky part: I only know his first name, his birthday, a vague idea of his job and job site, and roughly where he lives. No social media or contact details anymore due to being ghosted. I’m just not sure what’s the most reasonable and respectful way to try to find or contact him, if there even is one.

Has anyone been in a similar situation or have advice on safe, legitimate ways to approach this? I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed and trying to do the right thing for everyone involved.

Thank you.

Sorry you’re in this position OP. I’d say personally the best way to approach this is to not approach it at all. If he had any interest whatsoever he wouldn’t have left you without even knowing his full name, it’s safe to assume he wouldn’t be interested in any further news.

thinking about making life impossible for yourself op?
So you don’t know his full name so surely you know very little about him. Do you want international custody arrangements?
I’m divorced op lived 0.7 miles from my ex and I still found it very very difficult and often heart wrenching navigating our custody agreement. Are you thinking he will
be happy to hear from you after ghosting you? Are you thinking he will be excited to hear you are pregnant? There’s fairness and then there’s protective. Of both yourself and the baby

I can understand why you want to let him know. I know you said he ghosted you, but you'd still have his contact details despite that? Did he block you too?

How can you not know the surname of somebody you were seeing and are having their baby? I’m assuming you do have contact details but blocked? Use another number/account to contact him. Leave a very short, factual message and leave it up to him to come back to you if he’s interested in knowing.

I'd would go for an abortion.

Sorry.

Sadly he has made it clear he doesnt want to be in contact with you. I can't see the point of telling him about the pregnancy. But you will probably be entitled to maintenance if you want to pursue that.

Hi OP. If you have the resources you could try a private detective. Your child may want to know about their father one day.

Yep burner phone option is what I would do. But don't expect anything back. You have to focus on you and your child now. If indeed you intend on continuing with the pregnancy.

I wouldn’t continue with the pregnancy in this situation either. I do not see this ending well.

Surely you have a number for him/a way to contact him as you'll have contacted him before. Call him off a different number, email him off a different account. It's fair to let him know, it can be a bit of a shock to find out years later on and even if you are unsuccessful in making contact or he knows and walks away it's what's fair for the baby for you to at least be able to look them in the eye and hand on heart be able to honestly say you did everything you could to have their Dad in their life but you couldn't find them/you found them and they refused to be involved.

You do realise OP has said shes American and said she was seeing a british guy while living in the uk.

Sounds like OP has gone back to America where abortion isn't possible without punishment😅

I would not proceed with any of this if I was in your position. A choice to have a fatherless child, a stranger at that and i fear a child would grow to resent you.

The US have states which have their own rules , not every state bans it

Have you looked for location/companies in his area of work on LinkedIn? Use a different number to contact him?
Tbh though if he’s ghosted you then he is unlikely to take news of pregnancy well.

Do nothing until you have the baby.
Assume you will be alone with this baby
Get family support
Until the baby is born there is nothing to say no maintenance to claim
Consider all options. Your choice.

When baby is born you can load dna to ancestry websites you might find a cousin match or something to trace thatway

A bit of an update: his phone number got changed and he contacted me back! He was really apologetic, so that's good. When I told him about the pregnancy, he was shocked but took it well and said he'd support whatever decision I made.

Right now, since I am in a blue state, I'm leaning toward termination.

I’m glad he contacted you at least he knows. It’s a difficult decision to make on what to do next, hopefully you have some support irl to come to some conclusion.

If you continue with the pregnancy the child has a right to k ow who his / her father is. You have told him now so that’s good.