IVF Pregnancy after loss

[ashg93]

I’m just writing this to basically put my worries out there!
I have been trying to conceive with my husband for almost 8 years. I have PCOS so for a while my weight was too high for help (I was 22 stone). I decided to make the decision to have a gastric sleeve and after 2 years I reached the ideal weight for trying drugs to bring on ovulation. After 7 cycles of this, I did fall pregnant which I was so happy with and you never think miscarriage is going to happen or you’ll be the 1 in 4 statistic but I was and had a missed miscarriage.
I opted to have the surgery because I was 10w3 days and honestly couldn’t face going through that at home. In this time my husband and I had moved into our first bought house which we were so excited about but I felt I couldn’t be happy with because we bought this to bring our baby into our lives.
5 weeks after my surgical management of a miscarriage I still had a very faint positive and turned out they had left “pregnancy tissue” behind. Eventually this passed and then I got a call to start IVF.
I had started IVF in June 2025 but they tried a new drug which is good for PCOS and high egg count but not a lot of trials in the UK and I had no say in trying a new treatment; this was ultimately a cancelled cycle due to poor response. I then went through another cycle and even though the scans were promising I only got 5 eggs but by the end 1 was able to be transferred. This didn’t take so they discussed optioned and changed me to the longer ivf protocol which meant essentially putting me into “menopause” for 2 weeks and then kickstarting stimulation. This worked but I did have overhyper stimulation syndrome (OHSS) which they monitored and then on egg retrieval I got 11 eggs, 7 fertilised, and 6 made it to blastocyst. I got one transferred and then 5 were frozen.
we found out we were successful and pregnant, which as much as I want to be happy and excited I’m terrified. The first loss was soul destroying and it really ruined all future pregnancies for me, I’m constantly checking the toilet paper, every twinge, every lack of symptoms and doing pregnancy tests daily.
My husband is amazing and is my rock but I don’t want him to go through a loss again as well because it absolutely crushed him and seeing my person so broken was the worst part.
im just looking for some advice on coping with this anxiety?

thank you.
Ashleigh

Pregnancy after loss is such an emotional rollercoaster. You want so badly to feel excited, but the fear just sits there with you. Constantly checking, overthinking every symptom (or lack of them), worrying about every twinge — it’s something so many of us go through, even though it feels so isolating. Please know that nothing about how you’re feeling is wrong or ungrateful — it just shows how deeply you care.
Try to be gentle with yourself and take things one step at a time. You don’t have to think too far ahead — just focus on the next day, the next scan, the next milestone. If you ever feel like the anxiety is getting too heavy, reach out to your midwife or clinic — they can often arrange reassurance scans or just check-ins to help ease your mind a bit.
And lean on your husband — he sounds wonderful. You’ve both carried so much together, and it’s okay to let him in on the anxious moments too. You’re a team in this.
Some people find it helps to have small grounding rituals — deep breathing, journaling, or saying to yourself “right now, I am pregnant, and I am doing everything I can.” Even just a quiet moment to breathe can help calm your thoughts when they start spiralling.
You’ve fought so hard to get here, and that strength is still in you now. It’s okay to hold both fear and hope — they can exist together. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself moments of joy when you can. You truly deserve them.