Torn about my choices

[YourGreenStork]

Hi, I’m new here and just looking for some thoughts/advice/any similar experiences. I’ve just found out I’m pregnant approx 4-5 weeks. Completely unplanned and has come as a shock. My partner says he 100% doesn’t want a baby right now. I feel this gives me no option but to have an abortion. I can’t imagine continuing with the pregnancy and putting my partner in a position where he will potentially grow to resent me, and I also know I couldnt be a single mum. I would have liked a more open discussion about it. He has said it is ultimately my choice and he will support it, but those are his views. I can’t see past that. I can see abortion as the only option but any time I think about going through with it I am completely overwhelmed with emotion. I never thought my first pregnancy would be this way. I’m worried that I will feel so much guilt/regret if I go through with it, but I also know under the current circumstances I can’t continue with the pregnancy. Any advice or thoughts are welcome thank you in advance x

also im sorry if this is not the right category I couldn’t find a more appropriate one x

I didn’t want to read and run, whilst I haven’t been in your position, I can’t imagine how tough it must be.

im totally pro choice, I don’t judge anyone who has an abortion and it wouldn’t be ideal to bring a child in to the world if 50% of the people who created them doesn’t want them.

However, you’re feeling emotional for a reason, don’t ignore that. You’re worried about him resenting you for continuing the pregnancy, have you considering growing resentment from you towards him going through with something you obviously aren’t 100% comfortable with.

it’s so tough OP. So tough, and I’m sorry you’re in this situation. Some people will comment and say “I had a termination, best thing I did”, you’ll get “get rid of him, keep the baby” and you’ll probably get “I regret doing it every day”

ultimately you know deep down what you want to do for YOU. Don’t listen to anyone else. Not even your partner. You know you better than anyone else, if you can live with it, then circumstances may mean it’s the better decision, but don’t underestimate the impact this may have on you. I wish you all the best. Xx

I'm sorry you have found yourself in this scenario. And that your partner is being super unhelpful.

You are only 4/5 weeks so you have some time to decide.

I had an abortion back in 2019, found myself pregnant and sat down with my partner and we both said it just wasn't a happy surprise, we weren't in the right place financially etc. We weren't excited to have a baby, even though we both knew we wanted kids. I made my appointments etc and while it wasn't a nice feeling I wasn't overly emotional. If at any point I found myself emotional or overwhelmed I probably would have had to reconsider.

Fast forward to 2025 and I am now pregnant with our 2nd very much wanted child. We also had lots of miscarriages on the way. But I always think back and know that we weren't in the right frame of mind to become good parents back then. If I went through with having that baby, I doubt we would even be together. But the big difference is, not once did my partner make me feel like I would have to go it alone. Your partner had equal habd in making this baby.

Take your time, this isn't a decision to be rushed. Mind yourself.

How old are you and do you want a baby? Did you envisage ever having a baby and at what age? Would your rather have this man than have the baby?

I had an abortion at 21 and it was probably the right decision

i booked one at 32 and cried the whole way through the appointment and went home and kept my baby.

it all depends on a bunch of factors. How do you feel, what do you truly want

Thank you so much for the replies. I wouldn’t say my partner is being unhelpful I think he just doesn’t know how to react beyond his views on not wanting a baby right now. I’m 31. I never thought I’d be in this position at this age, not that age should have anything to do with it. I feel like this has cemented for me though that I want children. Even if it’s not now. I just don’t even know how to feel it’s so hard.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. How long have you been with your partner for? In your discussion with him, did he give you an indication of when he wants to have children, if he does? And what does ‘he will support it’ mean? It sounds like a lot of discussion is needed.

Just because he feels he’d rather not be in this position now, it is the reality and I’d hate to think that he’d encourage you to go ahead with a termination whilst thinking he’ll just have kids in another couple of years. It sounds like your gut, your emotion and the feeling of knowing you want kids - you don’t want to do this. But obviously leaves questions about your relationship and whether you can/want to be a single parent if required.

If you both want a baby in the future, why not now?

Assuming it was unprotected sex then surely you both knew what the consequences might be?