Hi ladies, I just found out that I am pregnant with our third child and have very mixed feelings. First, I want to say that I do realize that I am extremely fortunate to not have fertility issues so I do hope this post is not insensitive.
For context, we have two healthy, lovely children (4-year old girl and 2-year old boy). For the past year or so, the idea of having a third child was always on my mind but my husband was not up to it. I couldn't shake the feeling of wanting a third. It's hard to describe but I felt our family was incomplete. I spent hours reading mumsnet posts about having a third child. I knew it would be challenging but my body would not give up the idea of wanting a third. I would regularly tell my husband about how I was feeling (more as a way of being honest about how I felt rather than an attempt to sway him).
Over the past couple of months, he said we would be open to trying. I knew this was mostly for me, rather than for him. This past cycle we decided not to use protection. In my head, I was thinking "OK, let's not use protection for one month and if it happens this month, it is meant to be, but if it doesn't happen this month then I will drop the idea of a third baby and be happy with our current situation". I track my cycles very closely and am very regular. We did it once 5 days before ovulation and once the day after ovulation (at night time). I REALLY truly did not expect that it would happen. I am now regretting this and feel a bit like an idiot. I know I wanted a third child for so long but somehow as soon as I got what I wanted, I suddenly got the feeling that we were perfectly fine before and why did I need to go changing things. I have a job that I love where I do need to travel sometimes and am wondering what impact this will have on my husband and THREE children. It will be a lot to handle, not to mention everyday life becoming even more of a juggling act that is is now. We are by no means rich but we are currently fine financially but now I am wondering what impacts this will have on us in the future. Also, my family lives on another continent so I'm suddenly freaking out about the cost of plane tickets to visit them. I knew about all of these things beforehand but somehow it didn't feel stressful when it was just a wish, but now that it is real, everything feels very scary.
If anyone has gone through something similar, I would love to hear your experience. Thanks so much <3