AIBU about busy Christmas plans when 32 weeks pregnant?

[Orangewillow]

Hi, have been having a bit of an argument with my husband today about this and wondering if I am being unreasonable!?

I'm currently 22 weeks pregnant with our rainbow after 2 years of loss and fertility treatments.

We'd planned to see my family for 3 days over Christmas, it's a 4 hour drive away. Then we'd see his family, which I thought would be a day thing, but has now become 2 days away, we will need to book somewhere to stay, as its another city 3 hours from home. I'm already feeling that's a LOT of full on family time, time away from home where I don't get much of a break and a lot of watching other people merrily chug wine when i can't. Now he wants us to stay another day to have a large extended family event with people we've not seen in about 5 years and I just don't want to go.

At the same time, I've got more family members including my brother visiting from Australia I need (and want!) to make time to see, but I'm going to be 32/33 weeks pregnant and I'm exhausted at the prospect and kind of feel like I should be able to be a bit selfish and do what I want/need to do, without being accused of not prioritising his family or making making effort. AIBU?

Want to sack it all off and go somewhere sunny instead!

YABU, why can't you spend 3 days with his family if you're spending 3 with yours?

So a week away split between your family and his? Yes you sound unreasonable to me. Pretty normal to want to see family over Christmas. You'll still be weeks away from your due date. I don't get what the big deal is

I think maybe you need to equally prioritise both families so your partner doesn’t feel it’s unfair. Maybe going is a chance for you to put your feet up and let people run around after you, might not be as bad as you think

Yeah I think if you’re not feeling up to it you have to be fair with both sides of the family if you’re expecting to be together during the whole period

I think it’s fine - so long as you plan in plenty of down time.

Unfortunately being pregnant means a degree of putting up with other people drinking and making merry while you feel bloated, uncomfortable and sober. You just need to put up with that to a degree IMO.

Also - once you’ve had the baby, you definitely won’t fancy visiting relatives 4 hours away for Christmas - so do it now while you can, and next year you have a good excuse not to.

At 32 weeks I think you’ll be fine, especially if it’s a singleton pregnancy.

YABU- pregnancy isn’t an excuse to just not do the things you don’t fancy doing. If you’re capable of doing your family visit then you’re unreasonable not to do his. 32 weeks pregnant also isn’t “omg I must be chained to the house” time either.

You’re being unreasonable, sorry. You can’t expect to spend 3 days with your family and not the same with his. When you’re that pregnant no one expects you to do anything so it won’t be that strenuous.

Oh, gosh... at 32/33 weeks, you should feel great! Enjoy all the company and the celebrations before the baby arrives. It'll be so much harder once you have children. You seem to think your family is worth the effort but not his. That's unfair.

Last Christmas I was 36 weeks pregnant, still working and had a 4 year old, cooked Christmas lunch for 8 people along with all the usual travelling to see big families. It was all fine, definitely tiring but if you're able to just sit while others cook/clean etc... and keep your own house tidy by being at others I'd say it'd be a great way to spend Christmas.

Honestly you’ll be fine, 3 days each seems fair? You can enjoy being waited on.

I gave birth Xmas day and still took part in loads in the run up (a family wedding, meals out, hosted on Xmas Eve).

32 weeks is still quite a way to go.

It does seem rather unfair that 3+ days with your family is fine but you're cross because he wants more than 1 day with his.

It might be nice to see everyone now before baby arrives. Hopefully everyone will be looking after you and letting you relax as you're a guest and pregnant. It's not all about drinking.

It might be the last time you travel to family at Christmas for a while. Once baby has arrived it's quite likely your Christmases will be rather different.

You're pregnant not dying. You'll manage just fine. I'd also be really pissed if my DH got 3 days with his family and was only willing to spend 1 with mine.

YABU. If you think you’ll only feel up to 3/4 days of family time then why does that all have to be allocated to your family? The fairest thing to do would be split it so 2 days with your family and 2 days with his family. YABU and quite selfish, you complain about staying for a gathering with people he hasn’t seen in 5 years, maybe that’s why he wants to see them. The same could be said for your brother coming from Australia, if you haven’t seen him in a while you obviously want to see him. Why does your want trump his?

Sorry but at 32 weeks pregnant I don't think you can claim you'll be "too tired" to see his family but not your own.

Many women at 32 weeks will still be working fulltime.

Whaaaat? I'm currently 33 weeks and am so so tired and done!

OP honestly I'd go along with your DH this year. 3 days with your side and 1 with his isn't fair. Will you have a comfy room at both houses? Are they the types who'd be fine if you needed to go off for a lie down, or go to bed early? Will you be excused from meal prep and washing up? Will DH be doing all of or most of the driving?

If the above is all yes I'd agree to it, see everyone before the baby comes, it may be a long while before you have the energy for travel/group gatherings again. Take your laptop and go watch some nice Christmassy tv in bed/the bath when they all start getting boozy.

Yabu. At 32 weeks, you should be fine for a few hours in the car and seeing your husband's family for a couple of days.

I think most women are doing much more strenuous activities at 32 weeks.

You’ll be 2 months away from your due date. That’s loads. Every pregnancy is different, but there’s every chance you’ll be feeling totally fine. And you can always go off to bed early if you want to!

I think it’s a good idea to take this opportunity to see people at Christmas - it might be less easy with a small baby next year. You will almost certainly be more tired then than you are now - I say this as mum to a one year old! 😂

It’s obviously a bit unreasonable to be ok with seeing your family but not his. Although of course you may prefer seeing your own!

I think you will be fine at 32 weeks, you might be more tired but everyone will probably let you put your feet up if you’re pregnant!

You are superwoman.

I remember being pregnant with my first and letting myself take it super easy. Second pregnancies are so very different, with a toddler in tow! 😂

Sorry OP, agree with PPs that you're being unreasonable here. If you were literally on top of your due date I'd understand not wanting to be away from home for ages or be having to entertain, but 32 weeks in a pregnancy that's going well should be doable, especially if you're fine to spend 3 days with your own family around the same time.