When did you tell people?

[Unorganisedchaos2]

Apologies Im sure this has been asked hundreds of times, but interested to see what you think.

Im 12+2, I had a private scan at 10 weeks and all was fine, Im still waiting on the NHS scan - midwife is chasing this for me, she is pushing for something this week but I haven't heard yet.

We are having close family (his parents, his sister and BiL, my mum and her partner) round for DH's birthday this Sunday and were thinking of telling people, its just me and my partner who know at the moment.

Im considered a high risk pregnancy as Im over 40 and have a high BMI, however all tests are fine at the moment. I've never had any pregnancy loss, no issues in last pregnancy (DD is 6 now) and apart from being tired I feel well.

If we tell the family we obviously have to tell DD, and I would never expect her to keep it a secret so then I will have to tell school friends etc basically we'll have to tell everyone.

Despite the fact everything seems fine Im very anxious that something bad might happen and I always said I wanted to wait until the anomaly tests were done but at the same time Id really love to start telling people who I know will be thrilled for us.

Sorry that was probably longer than it needed to be ...

It depends on what you are comfortable with. I had a high risk pregnancy and some people only found out via a call from the delivery room after baby was born. Family knew my history and totally understood. Only my mum and sister found out when I started to show at 5 months. Helped that a lot of people lived out of town so did not see them very often.

Congratulations! I waited for the anomaly scan but there's no wrong answer. I'd say it comes down to whether you'd mind untelling people if the worst were to happen. If you'd be OK with that then there's absolutely no obligation to wait x

I told my parents around 10 weeks. Told work around 9 weeks due to illness. And then told a few people after the NIPT around 12/13 weeks. Haven't really announced it to many people to be honest, sort of told people as it comes up.

19 weeks.

Congrats,
I have a high BMI but not been classed as high risk thankfully even though ive had 3 previous miscarriages which people are aware of.

I told close family and friends when i went for my first scan at 7 weeks, his sister knew first as she came to the scan with me and we both cried after seeing baby had a heartbeat for the first time on 4 pregnancies.

After my 12 week scan i told people, i told work beforehand just incase the pregnancy ended early and i needed the time to reciver mentally and physically. So my colleague who i worked closely with (its only me and her in a little shop, we're pretty much falling on top of each other at the best of times thats how close we work😅 i couldnt get away with much like sickness, nausea, cravings ect because shes had 6 kids, 20 hrandkids and 4 great grandkids shes 62) and my boss knew about the pregnancy for a safety net incase anything happened.

Everyone else found out after my 12 week scan and people who i rarely saw found out as and when they saw me with a bump, definitely came as a shock to them😅

A couple of close friends almost straight away
Parents and siblings - after dating scan because I'd had 2 MCs and preferred not to have them have the waiting and worrying.

Almost everyone else - after 20 week anomaly scan.

(But i have never "announced" pregnancy or birth)

I had a very straightforward pregnancy, I was considered high risk due to various factors but the pregnancy itself was a dream. I was, however, incredibly anxious throughout and we didn't tell most people, friends and family, until after 24 weeks. I remained very slim throughout most of the pregnancy, even at nearly full-term I only had a small bump, so it wasn't obvious to anyone looking at me. Baby was a healthy weight when she arrived so no idea where she was hiding! We told my in-laws at 16 weeks as thought it would be good to have my suport and my sister knew from the beginning as she was the only person who knew we were having IVF, but they were sworn to secrecy. Please just do what works best for your family.

Thank you, they are saying its my age and BMI, I'm not convinced Im actually "High Risk", looking at the scan pathway they have classified me as medium risk. Reading the literature there is only a small increase in risk of certain poor outcomes, however Im happy to have whatever tests they want and keep an eye on me.

I think when you know people will guess and its taken out of your hands it can sometimes be a good thing, hopefully the women you worked was kind if you were struggling at times, I've found it hard to hide the nausea and tiredness!

Thank you for all the responses, with DD we told parents and siblings around 8-10 weeks, we didnt plan on doing an announcement it was just with everyone being together this weekend it seemed like a nice idea. DH's family have had an awful few years and we are looking forward to sharing some good news with them.

If we didnt have DD we would just keep it and would be comfortable with that, its just I cant imagine a 6 year old keeping it secret for long at school.

I'll see if I can get a second scan this week and see how we feel after that.

I'm also over 40, and told people at different times. My partner wanted to tell his parents early, so they were told around 7 weeks. I wanted to tell my family much later, so told my sibling at 14 weeks after my screening results, and parents and wider family at 16. I told my manager at 18.5 weeks. It was completely nerve-wracking every time! It was a bit easier immediately after scans.

They say you should tell the people who you won't mind telling if things go wrong. I think that's true up to a point.

Telling your family at the party sounds lovely. While I hated telling people, their reactions were truly wonderful and I could never regret it for that reason. Do what feels right to you.

Hey, it sounds lovely to tell your family this weekend when you are all together, it's always exciting sharing the news :) but why would you have to tell DD at the same time? If that's the part that's worrying you (cos she'll spread it more widely) then just tell the adults and leave her for a while? In my opinion it's a long time for a 6yo to wait. My son was only 3 when we had his brother, we told him at about 25 weeks. Friends who told their kids very early on sort of regretted it because it was an eternity of Qs.
We've just shared 3rd pregnancy with our parents at 12w but wont tell 5yo and 2yo til further along. Obviously you know what's right for your family but just another perspective. Enjoy the joy when you do share and good luck.