Pregnant and father has stomach cancer

[DMBZ1985]

I'm 5 weeks pregnant.i had a mmc this year, so I'm already feeling insecure in this pregnancy, and trying to just go with it and not stress out too much. But my dad has just been told he very likely has stomach cancer. We will get the prognosis within a month, but I know it could be very bad news. I'm so close to my dad, he's my hero and has always been the most brilliant dad. I'm already a mess, I can't stop crying, my chest feels tight, everytime I think about him having cancer, I think, how can this be happening to my wonderful dad? I have so many huge feelings. I'm terrified all this stress will hurt the baby, or cause a miscarriage. I don't really know what I'm asking for; I suppose reassurance that there is a way through all of this. I am so stressed about being stressed, so please no replies about needing to control my stress for the pregnancies sake- I'm trying my very best. But if anyone has tips on how to calm myself down id appreciate them so much. I'm so lost. Thank you so much

No tips for you really but didn’t want to just read and leave it. I’m so sorry. I lost my dad for day before my first baby was born. So I can understand a bit of what you’re going through. Can you practice mindfulness or a bit of yoga? How come the prognosis is going to take a month? Is this the NHS?

Your stress won’t cause you to miscarry. I do think you should speak to your midwife and let her know you’re struggling with this. She will offer you some help. I’m sorry you’re going through this. My own lovely father died when I was 6 months pregnant and it was awful

Thank you so much for replying. I'm so sorry you went through that. To give us a full prognosis, they need to check of the cancer has spread. So he has to have scans and so on. Yes I think I need to try breathing exercises. I've never lost anyone close to me before, I know I'm so lucky in this way. I just don't know how to cope with the grief and stay calm in the pregnancy.

You have to give yourself some time to adjust to your new reality. Don’t beat yourself up and think that you should be feeling one way or the other. Whatever you are feeling is perfectly normal. Keep active and try to exercise a bit to tire your body (to help you sleep), try and eat little and often as I’m sure you’re probably not hungry at all, have water and be kind to yourself.

I'm so sorry you went through this @HaroldMeaker. And @Nothankyov yes, that's so helpful. Thank you both so much for your replies

I'm so sorry. I don't have any direct experience but just wanted to say when it comes to stress, being stressed won't do anything to your baby. It's obviously not fun for you to be stressed but you can't help it, and don't beat yourself up that it'll do anything bad xx

Thanks so much @Orangewillowxxx

So sorry @DMBZ1985
This is such a difficult time but as others have said, don’t put pressure on yourself as stress won’t cause any problems with the pregnancy. Try not to despair, hopefully the outlook for your Dad will be much better than you are fearing x

Thanks so much @Scandalicious I've been trying slow and deep breathing. I also saw a therapist yesterday. These things have really helped. Also, I think the initial shock has subsided so I don't feel as overwhelmed. Its still really hard, but I feel a bit more that I will find a way to cope. Yesterday after therapy, I found myself at a traffic light and I sort of dissociated and forgot to cross the road. People thought I was mad lol. But I think I have so many big feelings, and letting them out in therapy left me kind of emptied out, in a good way. So hard to describe. Thank you all for your advice and support ❤️ xx

Well done going to the therapist. That’s really good self care and I know you will get through this, but I still hope you won’t have to get through the worst case and that your dad’s prognosis will be good. It’s so much all at once, I think you’re doing really well. Hope you have some good support around you.

I just wanted to pop in as a bit of a hand hold. My hero, my first love, my Dad passed away in 2022 after 3 years battling glioblastoma. I too have stood dissociating at traffic lights!

I hope you won't need to worry about this for much longer and that your Dad is ok ❤

Thank you so much @Scandalicious yes I have 3 sisters which is really helping right now. @JuniperandI im so sorry for your loss. thank you for your lovely messages they've meant a lot

I’m very sorry about your dad. I hope he has some treatment options.
I lost my dad to cancer when I was only about 6 weeks pregnant with my first. I was able to tell him and it was a comfort to him and to all of us to know there was a little one on the way.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and very sorry about your dad x

My dad died, from a glioblastoma, when i was 8.5 weeks pregnant. My advice would be to tell your dad ASAP, which i realise is complicated by your previous miscarriage, so that he can be excited and proud of you for as long as possible.

I held off because i was scared of losing the pregnancy and feeling it was too soon to announce it without a scan first, and because my dad's tumour had affected his social inhibition and manners (for want of a better word), so i knew once i told him he would go through his entire contact list on his phone and announce it to the world and nobody would be able to tell him otherwise! As it was by the time i told him he was in the hospice and died less than 48 hours later, even in that time he still did a pretty good job of announcing it. I guess hindsight and a healthy baby is a wonderful thing, but i wish I'd had a little bit longer with him knowing.