Why am I feeling this way?

[SunshineHope92]

I have a 9 month old and the journey to conceive him was not easy, I had 5 miscarriages before him and was a nervous wreck throughout my whole pregnancy but was so grateful once he was in my arms. I have found out I am pregnant with number 2 and am only 6 weeks pregnant and waiting for a scan this week to check it is progressing. However I am feeling quite anxious and wondering if this pregnancy is really what I want. I feel absolutely drained from the pregnancy and feel it isn’t fair on my son. I never felt this way with my first and am worried about it. I guess I’m looking for reassurance or if anyone else felt similar?

I felt much less excited about my 2nd baby (and felt very ashamed about it), I think it is very different when you know what is involved in the birth, post partum and how tough parenting can be at times. You're not going in with the blind excitement that you have on your first. However I adored him as soon as arrived (I'd worried I wouldnt), and he has enriched my other child's life beyond measure. I hope this is reassuring x

Maybe it’s the anxiety of pregnancy again, knowing how tough your journey to your son was? I’ve had 3 miscarriages & pregnant again with hopefully my first, and I know if I get to the point where I’m able to think about a second I will be stressed out & won’t look forward to the process & will worry again. Hopefully this feeling will pass once you’re a bit further into the pregnancy x

I don't have any wonderful advice, but just want you to know you're not alone. I'm currently in the same boat. I do think part of it is the mental and physical exhaustion of being a parent to a young baby. First time round you're oblivious to what's involved and just full of excitement and anticipation. Now, you're much more aware of the realities. That excitement is bound to be dampened a bit. Plus first trimester can be absolutely woeful so can be hard to feel excited when struggling to get through the day. I hope the closer I get to term, the more real if feels, the more excited I'll get.
I adore my DS more than I can explain, so trying to focus on that and having faith it will feel the same with DC2.

I completely understand how you’re feeling. I had a miscarriage before conceiving DD1 after a very long time TTC. When we decided we wanted another baby, we started trying earlier in case it took a long time again - I got pregnant after the first try! I think because there wasn’t the same emotions involved as well as looking after a small toddler, the pregnancy felt so different. I didn’t have any of the same anxiety but I constantly worried I was letting down DD1 by adding a new baby and not having more time just her. My DD2 is now 2 and a half weeks old and I can say confidently she has completed our family. It was truly love at first sight and I can’t imagine her not being here.

Pregnancy and planning for a new baby is a lot to deal with when you’re already caring for a little person. But it will all fall into place once they arrive, I’m sure!

Thank you all so much!

Just here to second this. I worried if I would cope with two smallies, that I was so drained already. But I found that toddler + baby = easier than toddler/baby + pregnant.