Any advice on how to stop worrying during pregnancy after loss?

[Impatientlywaiting321]

Hi,

I’m looking for advice on how to try and stop worrying so much during early pregnancy. I had a loss at 6 weeks in June and am now at the 6 week mark with my current pregnancy and just can’t stop thinking how I will cope if the same happens again.

Both pregnancies are as a result of ivf so I’m under close supervision of my clinic and the midwives. But I’m finding myself panicking at almost everything and obsessing over symptoms. It doesn’t help that I’ve been having brown spotting most days since before I missed my period but following HCGS the midwives are not concerned so just have to hold out until our scan next week.

Any advice on how to stop panicking and getting so worked up? I am usually such a positive person but it’s got to the point I’m even dreaming that it has happened again and am constantly panicking if the breast tenderness is a fraction milder than the day before.

Thanks in advance xx

Didn’t want to read and run. It’s hard I am going through a similar thing right now.

6 weeks pregnant, spotting and light bleeding, convinced I’m about to miscarry again (last miscarriage in march). Have a scan booked for next week and just trying to distract myself in the meantime.

Totally with you on the panicking and checking symptoms every 5 mins. Ultimately you can’t change the outcome and it is really hard to just sit with the uncertainty, especially when it has taken so much to get to this stage in the first place. I wish I could say I have a way to stay calm but mostly I’m just trying to distract myself.

Wishing you all the best and you are not alone

For me there wasn't a way to stop worrying after loss when pregnant again in those early weeks. Distracting yourself is the most you can do. There's a book 'pregnancy after loss' by zoe clarke-coates which can be useful . Otherwise general relaxation techniques eg meditation.

I don't think loads of extra scans help at all as the relief is only there for a day or two after then starts again.

Once you start to feel movements things definitely ease. People told me that and I didn't believe them but it is true.

Best of luck xx

Sending hugs. Its really hard. I've been there and come out the other side - my DD is nearly 4 years now!!

My only advice is to take each day as its comes. Symptoms really are no reflection on your pregnancy so try to remove the through reduced symptoms mean a bad thing. For me I also had issues feeling movement (psychological not physical) so I never really thought I'd bring a baby home until I did. And that was a shock for a good 48 hours afterwards.

For me distraction helped alot. I went into baking and house decluttering. My house never looked so organised and clean as it has in the weeks before DD arrived. I'd spend time researching new recipes to bake etc. I decluttered the loft and garage as well. Sometimes a busy mind doesn't have time to think about it.

I don’t think you do stop worrying, the only way I could cope was to completely detach from it at the beginning🙈 i had 4 losses after my first child and just had my second baby there 2 weeks ago. I had brown/pink/red spotting/bleeding, my waters broke at 25 weeks and yet bub still held on to 35 weeks. You’re in good hands with your clinic and midwives, don’t be afraid to lean on them. As the weeks go on it will certainly get easier keep setting yourself milestones . With my losses 9 weeks was the furthest I got so 8/10/12/25/20/24 weeks were all milestones for me! Just remind yourself you've done everything you can, it’s out of your hands now 🙏 distraction is key, finding something to focus your days on so the time goes by that bit quicker x

@Daniki @Kouklamo @SJM1988 @SoOtterlyLovely thank you all for your lovely responses and for the reassurance that I’m not losing my mind.

I just find it really triggering when I do get the brown spotting as it takes me back to a few months ago when I did miscarry - although even then the midwives did confirm the spotting wasn’t related to the loss.

I think the lack of nausea and sickness also worries me because all over social media it’s what everyone talks about at 6 weeks but equally I know some people don’t ever get it.

It’s reassuring to hear that overtime I may stop being as worried - it’s just hard to see that right now. But one day at a time 🌈

Hey @Impatientlywaiting321 it is hard going, I empathise!

I'm now almost 21 weeks with an IVF baby following a TFMR then a 2 year battle to conceive again with a chemical along the way. When I got the positive test I also had brown spotting which continued for me for 4 weeks (this was a subchorionic haematoma) but it made an already anxious time even harder!

I found getting to that first early scan very hard, time felt endless, and then really until the NHS 12 week scan I was anxious, although found it improved the further along I got.

I found doing some gentle yoga, dog walks and paint my numbers kits (my anxiety saviour!) helped me too, unfortunately it is just a bit of a case of keeping going through it. I'm still not completely without anxiety, but as this pregnancy has progressed I am feeling better than I would have imagined at the 6 week mark. Good luck! Xx

@Orangewillow I am so sorry for both of your losses, congratulations on your current pregnancy ❤️

I only have to wait another two days for my scan but the past few weeks have felt like an eternity. It’s reassuring to hear it gets better after 12 weeks.

Thanks for the idea of the paint by numbers kit, I used them during stims/egg retrieval and it helped to distract me xx

Thanks for all the kind suggestions - unfortunately it must have been my gut preparing me as they couldn’t find a heartbeat at the scan today

Oh OP I'm so, so sorry to hear this.

Take time to grieve and process.

(I had four losses before my miracle. I think I have a form of PTSD. Don't underestimate what you're going through and keep talking x)

@Impatientlywaiting321 I'm so so sorry to hear that. It's just so shit and unfair.

I'd really recommend the worst girl gang ever, if you don't already know of the group, I've found the community a huge support in helping through my losses

Xx

@CloudyIvy55 unfortunately I was measuring at over a week behind - which with ivf is just a really bad sign. I’ve been told it’s either a missed miscarriage, or a pending miscarriage. They can’t confirm until I’m rescanned in a week and then referred to the EPU.

Please try not to let my out come worry you - I had pretty bad spotting from 5 days post transfer and still do now. I hope and pray all goes well for you and that you don’t have to go through the same as I am again ❤️

Thank you @LividArse and @Orangewillow I did listen to the worst girl gang podcast in June and it did really help. Just trying to get though an hour at a time and not look too for ahead at the moment.

My only answer is that I didn’t stop worrying. I had three miscarriages between DS and DD. I worried every day of my pregnancy with DD and I don’t think I really believed she was here for a couple of weeks after she was born. She’s now a very boisterous three year old. Just take care of yourself even more than usual, remind yourself it’s natural to worry and take each day at a time.

Hey I am in the same boat. My pregnancy was also confirmed as a miscarriage at 7 weeks. It’s really gutting to have to go through this twice in a row.

l’m really sorry for your loss

@Kouklamo I am so sorry for your loss too ❤️

it really is just horrible isn’t it. I think I’m still struggling to believe it. I keep waking up thinking this must be a bad dream.

I’m really sorry to hear this. I had two mmc between DS1 and DS2 - I never thought I’d have an other baby. The pain is awful and sadly it completely ruined pregnancy for me. The days after are long and lonely. Distract yourself as much as you can, spend time with people who make you feel good, cry when you need to and get some support (I had a lot of therapy). Prioritise yourself.

It’s hard to keep faith - but if it helps, everyone I know who has kids has had a journey of their own but has got there in the end. It took a few years for me with DS2. I ended up seeing a private consultant who specialises in recurrent loss and who was highly recommended. She was amazing - she gave me some meds to take when I conceived again. Either she was right, or it was a coincidence but something worked (and it did with the people who recommended her too). Speaking to her gave me hope at a very dark time.

So sorry to hear that. The limbo bit where you're waiting for confirmation can be awful. I had 4 early miscarriages, so I know that anxiety well. I stopped recording periods and cycles so I was further into my last pregnancy when I tested. Still hugely anxious on that one, but that baby is nearly 8 years old now!!! I realise not being aware of your cycle isn't an option with your circumstances.

I found scans reassuring. I was even anxious about the anxiety, so would tell myself that babies are even born in war zones so that was not a real concern. Labelling thoughts can be helpful, "ah, there's my worries again" which can stop rumination. Give yourself a lot of tlc and take time to recover. My last miscarriage I needed to nap in the afternoons. Took a month off work with that one, whereas before I was rushing back.

I'm wishing you the best of luck. I never thought we'd get there but we did. It was just a longer journey.

I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Just lying there at 4am thinking about what could have been.

I found out about the second miscarriage the week I would have been due for the first miscarriage. A friend of mine who got pregnant at a similar time is about to give birth. So so hard