Pregnant with rainbow baby. Still thinking of previous miscarriage

[RT1620]

Hiya. Just wondered if anyone in the same boat. We lost a little girl earlier this year at 13 weeks pregnant. We found out after, it was due to her having trisomy 13. I can still hear the words ‘I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat’

I feel pregnant again pretty much 3 weeks after this loss. Currently 18 weeks pregnant. With a healthy baby boy. My way of coping is to carry on and block it out my head. Although I’m still having the odd day here and there of hearing this words ‘I’m sorry there’s no heart beat’ and having to go home with my baby still inside me to wait for a d and c appointment. It’s been over 4 months now.

has anyone else had this? And did it stop once rainbow baby was born? X

Aaaawww babe - totally get you. Firstly I’m sorry about your miscarriage and congratulations on your rainbow baby.

Miscarriages are joy stealers - they don’t allow you to experience what should be a joyful time….I totally get it. I could say don’t worry and all those good words but I guess you will feel happy and comfortable/confident at some point and it will be totally unique to you, but it will come.

Until then, allow yourself the compassion to feel how you feel without guilt. Plenty of us have been through what you’re going through…..it’s just tough.

Ive had two miscarriages in the last two years and still working on conceiving rainbow baby, but I understand how you’re feeling. It’s grief, trauma, PTSD, fear all wrapped up and all playing alongside hope, restraint, denial, disbelief and that all will be okay.

Wishing you all the bestxx

Firstly, sorry for your loss and congratulations on your current pregnancy.

I had my first MMC more than 7 years ago and I still go back to that moment I was told there was no heartbeat occasionally. I've had 2 healthy babies in the past 7 years. For me having a healthy baby took away the fear that that would never happen for me but it didn't cure the hurt and trauma from the miscarriage.

What helped the most for that was counselling, time, and actively working on healing and wellbeing.

Is counselling an option for you?

Have you talked to a counsellor? I had a number of months of counselling having a termination due to fetal anomaly at 14 weeks (fetal hydrops, fluid round every organ, no chance of survival).

It helped but I'll be honest I experienced episodes of what I can only describe as sudden overwhelming dread for a long long time. I had a bad birth experience with my son soon after and it made things worse for a while.

See if your midwife can refer you for counselling.

Thank you all for your kind replies. I did wonder if I needed counselling. They did say I was entitled to it after the Mmc. But I thought I could block it out my head. I’ve never suffered with any sort of mental health so I don’t know if I need it or not. I have a healthy 9 and 5 year old too so it was such a shock.
I may have to ask my mw if I’m still entitled to the counselling sessions still. I keep telling myself this happens to 1 in 4 so I know I’m not alone

I also spent months searching online for answers on why she got trisomy 13. I know it’s just bad luck but I feel there has to be more to it. X

Huge hugs, I’ve heard it a few times too, but yes, it does get easier and soon you’ll be enjoying your baby boy and possibly others if you chose to have more. I randomly think of my losses and feel with time it does get easier, but those words do hurt 💕

Sorry for your loss OP. I'd also recommend some counselling, I think k getting some help to process what is a really traumatic life event is a good idea. I had a TFMR at 14 weeks 2 years ago, am 20 weeks pregnant with my rainbow now and still finding I'm working through my grief and trauma from the TFMR now in weekly therapy sessions, a lot of it I tried to push away but hasn't gone!