Setting boundaries ahead of baby’s arrival

[FunnyOrca]

Hi,

I have had a couple of friends/family who have sent out texts ahead of their baby’s arrival to set boundaries.

I was wondering if anyone had done that and what the response had been?

It is my own mother I most want to target.

1. She has pretty poor hygiene when sick and would rather turn up to a gathering to cough and splutter over everyone than stay home.
2. She has no sense of digital privacy, but would take GREAT offence at being told so. She has no idea how often privacy settings need to be checked and does not understand how powerful AI is in the slightest
3. She has a key to our place (for emergencies) but frequently texts she’s just dropping by with X and if we’re not home she will let herself in to drop it off… I hate this and do not want her barging in while I’m learning to breastfeed or getting a moment of sleep etc.

For these reasons, I want to send a text that appears generic to the family at large asking:

• don’t come if you’re sick
• wash hands before holding baby
• pre-arrange a visiting time
• do not post on social media or send on to other people photos of the baby

I’m worried about offending people that this really isn’t targeted at, but also that she might think she’s an exception to the “rules” anyway.

Has anyone else tried similar? How did it go?

These really are not unreasonable. I kind of feel like she might not pay attention though. You might need a more direct chat.

These are all very reasonable. My concern would be that if you send a seemingly generic text, she won't necessarily take notice as she might not realise you mean her. I'd probably direct the text to her specifically, eg "Hi mum, in preparation for the birth I just wanted to go over some things we're putting in place to protect the baby and make the newborn phase a bit easier..."

That way it still sounds like general boundaries but it's clear you mean her too

My DH wasn't pleased I was sending out a text with our boundaries but this time round hes more than happy for me to send a reminder!

We said no showing up unannounced, wash hands, no smoking prior to visiting, no kissing, no posting on social media of babies arrival or pictures as we dont use SM.

I would cringe so badly if I got such a text and would just not visit if I was a friend/relative as it makes it all sound way too high maintenance and like your baby is somehow more special than the hundreds of others people have encountered. Just tell your mum directly to her face. The ‘boundaries’ are reasonable but also common sense to most people.