Stuggling to tell family

[Mslongears]

I'm 13w2d and only me and my partner know. Mainly because my family were FURIOUS over my last pregnancy in 2023, and I know they won't be happy at all with this one. Sounds ridiculous as me and OH have been together for 10 years and I don't rely on them financially, or at all really. I moved an hour away, so we don't see them often. We're not young either, so why wouldn't they be happy for us?! I feel like hiding this pregnancy from them to keep the peace, but obviously this will only make things awkward later on. So how on earth do I tell them? My whole life I feel like I've done nothing but let them down. From ages 14-17 I was a nightmare, causing never ending trouble and doing things I shouldn't have. But now that I'm very much grown, settled in a long term relationship I feel I should be able to tell them without dreading their reaction!! It's killing me

What were their objections in 2023?
Do you have a secure home & income?
Is your partner supportive and kind?
Is it a stable relationship or one with lots of separating and infidelity?

I mean the baby is on the way, so they need to be told but it's hard to advise without knowing the foundation to their disapproval.

Odd - why were they so angry about it last time?

No reason, they just didn't like the news! I wasn't in the most stable situation back then, but things are completely different now. I did have a short episode of depression before the last pregnancy, but nothing too awful. We have a home, and my partner has a good income. I'm a SAHM but I have a little bit of income on the side. Relationship is stable. I just can't think of any reason they'd object. I did back off before due to their emotional abuse, but that's a whole other story. I haven't actually spoken to them in a long time, so maybe I should just keep quiet?

No reason, they're just like that. I haven't spoken to them in a while due to emotional abuse on their part

Personally, if you’re grown and have a happy relationship and a child already they don’t need to know anything . Just because they’re your family doesnt entitle them to know your business.
id hazzard a guess that the historic emotional abuse is that’s making you feel obliged to tell them and involve them and as you said it’s killing you that you aren’t.

but I’d weigh up the pros and cons. If they’re going to react similarly to how they were in 2023 wouldn’t that just upset you?
I had extensive therapy due to my families emotional abuse and I learnt that if the relationship doesn’t serve you in the way you need it to then don’t subject yourself to any further upset.

you wouldn’t go to a pharmacy for fresh fruit and veg so why go to them for approval when you know they won’t give it to you?

i wish you all the best op, focus on your nuclear family if i were you xx

Could you announce it as 'Great news, we have a brother or sister for xx on the way. We're all thrilled and you'll be able to meet the latest addition to our family mid February'.

Bright and breezy.

Honestly, just don't tell them until you absolutely have to.

Then if they ask why you didn't say earlier, say how hurtful their previous response was.

If you are NC then don't bother telling them. If you're LC then wait until you are ready. You don't owe them information.

34 weeks here and still haven't told the complete one side of the family.
I won't tell them as its sort of NC on my part from the last pregnancy announcement drama and DH is the type who won't say much on it either.
Maybe in the next bundle of photos to his mother she'll figure it out when there is more of them....
Do what you feel comfortable doing. If they actually have no impact on your day to day activities then they don't need to know, if you still see them, they'll figure it out eventually!