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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Already grieving the relationship with my first born

17 replies

Laura121212 · 26/09/2025 23:43

Hi all! I am 37 weeks pregnant and my DD is 3.5 years old. We have been trying to help prepare her for the change for a while but I didn’t realise how much it would affect me. I have been feeling incredibly sad recently about the inevitable change that will happen very soon. My daughter has always been very reliant on me for comfort and my first feeling when I found out we were pregnant was guilt (which then progressed to excitement!). She woke up last night feeling sick and I spent the whole night comforting her (even though I had a long busy day at work ahead and my husband didn’t) because I know I won’t be able to do that for her much longer. My husband came home tonight and I just broke down in tears with him because I already feel like I miss her. I know that it’s not “rational” as such and I have a sister who is my best friend so I know how much a sibling can enrich your life, but I just wanted to see if anyone else had these feelings in the lead up to giving birth to their second and how things were afterwards?

OP posts:

HoppingPavlova · 27/09/2025 04:46

Nope. Love the expands, it’s not finite and you won’t love your first any less. It’s also not less time with them, just different time for some of it, which is really good for them. Bonkers to feel guilty.

comeonbaby23 · 27/09/2025 05:26

Compl Agree with @HoppingPavlova

my first born loved having a younger sibling and I give both of them all my time and love.

Don’t waste your final pregnancy weeks with guilt. Your daughter will still have all your love when your new arrival comes.

georgiegold · 27/09/2025 05:38

The relationship with your eldest will change but I think the way you feel about it so greatly impact how she feels about it. Guilt will make you behave in ways that won’t be conducive to being the best parent you can be. Your kids are lucky to gave such a proactive and loving mother and your daughter is about to have a live in best friend. My youngest is 4 and one of his sisters is 6. They’re exactly 1yr and 364 days apart and they couldn’t be any closer. Always together. Having a little brother has brought out the most caring sides of her. They’re truly the best of friends

koalamoon · 27/09/2025 06:09

It's sooo normal to feel like this op!
my eldest was also 3.5 when my youngest was born and honestly those feeling got much worse after baby arrived and the "baby blues" hit, I literally felt like I had lost my little girl and had ruined her life (dramatic I know but that's what hormones do). I had a section so wasn't able to do much for my eldest at all, I sobbed because I couldn't put her to bed for the first few night. Then about 2 weeks in it just suddenly got easier, that feeling slowly disappeared and we got into the rhythm of our new normal. Our relationship got back to how it had anlways been and seeing her blossom into becoming a big sister was honestly just amazing. She's 6 now and her sister is 2.5 and they are best friends, it was hard at the beginning but so so worth it when I look at what they have.

lovemyboyz247 · 27/09/2025 06:28

I remember having these feelings when I was expecting my second. Feeling guilty and worrying about not bonding with baby because of how much I loved my first born, not loving the baby enough and older one feeling left out etc.

There was no need to worry because when baby came along we all adjusted to the new normal and things were different, but in a nice way. I’m not saying the early months weren’t hard, but we adjusted to the change much better than I expected and all the nerves and guilt I felt before disappeared and when I looked back, I realised I was worried for nothing.

MidnightScroller · 27/09/2025 06:38

I remember random anxiety at this stage with my first, about do I really even want a baby. I looked up “cute babies” on YouTube and burst into tears about how gorgeous they were and was fine after that!!
You sound the same - look up cute big sister with baby or siblings or whatever and you’ll see loads of heart warming posts of adorableness. You’re basically giving your precious daughter a living breathing wriggling baby doll - she might have moments of jealousy but mostly she’ll be excited beyond belief to hold him/her and play with him and watch him grow. She’s the perfect age to be mesmerised by him and be helpful to you. If you still have special time with her without baby then she’ll be more than fine and will benefit so much by being a big sister. Enjoy it! Xxx

bozzabollix · 27/09/2025 06:42

I recall my 5yo son saying his sister ‘had ruined his life’. Now he’s glad, says only children get too much focus on them now he’s 16. I think he’s right to be honest.

It’ll be different for you all but you’ll love the two kids and it’ll all work out.

CopperWhite · 27/09/2025 06:48

Bless you. I remember feeling like this at the same stage of my second pregnancy and I know it’s common for many others too.

Just keep going and be kind to yourself. Your heart will
grow and soon you will be overwhelmed with more love for your family and the love that will come from seeing your two children together.

You will probably always remember this time that you had just with your firstborn as very special, so it’s natural to feel sad when it’s ending, but it’s growing into another time that will also be remembered as very special one day. Trust the process.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 27/09/2025 06:53

Its ok to feel like that. Mum guilt never ends.
I wont lie the first few months with my 2nd were hard as I had very little support but then it gets so much better and seeing them playing together just melts your heart. Your DD is at a good age as well, hopefully she will be enamoured with the new baby.
I agree with the poster who says that the love just expands, it really does. I have 3 under 5 and love them all to bits.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. And dont forget that hormones can make you feel all kinds of things. Its perfectly normal to NOT feel normal xx

AmberBeaker · 27/09/2025 17:29

I felt so heartbroken about my firstborn before having my 2nd, felt I was going to ruin his life and that he would no longer be the centre of our world. He still is the centre of our world but his brother is too, I can't explain it lol. The joy and love and laughs his little brother has brought to his life is beyond what I could have imagined and 100 pc worth all the worry and guilt. Xx

clinellwipe · 27/09/2025 17:35

I felt exactly the same way and had the same age gap you did, but honestly when the baby arrived and my husband went back to work after two weeks I genuinely didn’t have the time to think too much about it.
In our experience, my DS’s behaviour went to shit for the first couple of months after the baby was born even though he did like her. 5 months after birth and his behaviour is now the best it’s ever been , and his relationship with my husband (his dad) is also the best it’s ever been as naturally they’ve spent more time together when I’ve been breastfeeding etc. I loved that one on one time I had with him before she was born but this is a different season of motherhood and equally great

Original poster

Laura121212 · 27/09/2025 18:53

Thank you so much all for the kind and lovely words / shared experiences! I know in my head that the love will just grow but it’s so reassuring to hear that others have felt the same way.

OP posts:

WiseSheep · 27/09/2025 19:44

I felt like having my second was a betrayal of my first.

Guess who his favourite person in the world is? He has also started suggesting names for 'my new baby' (who doesn't exist).

For everything they lose to the new baby they gain something else.

AmberBeaker · 27/09/2025 19:45

WiseSheep · 27/09/2025 19:44

I felt like having my second was a betrayal of my first.

Guess who his favourite person in the world is? He has also started suggesting names for 'my new baby' (who doesn't exist).

For everything they lose to the new baby they gain something else.

Love this way of phrasing it. Totally agree.

BakeOffRewatch · 27/09/2025 19:52

I felt like this last summer @Laura121212 . We read a lovely book together called “There’s Going To Be A Baby” by John Burningham, the mum is spending lots of quality time with her son and they do things together, talking like you do with toddlers, and the seasons change as does her pregnancy. We went and did a lot of the things together in the book in anticipation. It was also a great conversation starter. I don’t know if it was right, but I used that feeling to do those things and I have these really special memories of it just being us for the last time. They change SO much between 3.5 and 4, and then again 4 to 4.5, 4.5-5 they’re very ready for school and aren’t toddlers anymore! They go from mimicking to having their own personality, ideas and jokes. I did feel like I missed that as I had a newborn and I looked up and suddenly my baby was a little girl.

Already grieving the relationship with my first born

BakeOffRewatch · 27/09/2025 19:54

WiseSheep · 27/09/2025 19:44

I felt like having my second was a betrayal of my first.

Guess who his favourite person in the world is? He has also started suggesting names for 'my new baby' (who doesn't exist).

For everything they lose to the new baby they gain something else.

Also this! Much more positive than my post, wanted to validate your feelings. It’s a huge change for all of you.

Dearodearo · 27/09/2025 20:06

Agree with a PP, the love just expands. She will be okay. You've got a decent age gap there to be able to split time nicely. Is she at nursery?

With that age gap you'll be able to spend some nice one to one with the baby and when DD comes home from nursery ( and In future school ) the baby will be napping at some point and you can have some nice one to one with DD ( and if DD isn't in nursery there's still plenty of time for one to one whilst baby sleeps )

I was really worried at first, my DD doted on me and slept in my bed with me / hadn't started nursery yet. Bur she was amazing. There were a few jealous moments but it was to be expected. I had read somthing at the time about if both needed me at once, to sometimes make sure I dealt with DD first and say outloud somthing along the lines of " One minute baby, I'm just helping DD with this first" ..... I feel like me doing that really helped her still feel important

Enjoy this time with them both, mine are 8 and 10 now and I always miss every stage of them growing up

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