To ask about scans and due dates?

[Dolphindances]

Just want to see if I am unusal here and need to be a bit more flexible regarding my information sharing.

I already get fairly pissed off with anyone asking any couple their family planning choices due to the sensitivity of this question and not knowing what the couple has gone through or going through - so I never have asked it. After I got married a few people asked me but I let it go thinking I was uptight. i have been lucky to fall pregnant quickly but still felt and feel triggered by anyone ever asking me if I was ‘trying’, what my plans for children were etc. even years ago in my 20’s, I just never asked anyone as I find it rude, invasive and nosy.

It was becoming more obvious I am currently pregnant and therefore I told a friend when it came up in conversation, since this point she badgered me for specific details of when the first scan would be. I did not want to tell anyone except my husband the scan date so did not tell her and mentioned september only. I have had her ask me several times both in person and by text since then, even smiling and saying ‘you are not telling me then’. I then explained I do not want to discuss my pregnancy with anyone other my midwife and my husband as I find it private and a very spiritual expierence. She had gone on to text me three times this week to ask ‘how my scan was then’? To which I have ignored. My sister in law was the same initially but when I explained i did not want anyone to know my scan dates or due dates she has completely understood and backed right off. I have explained to them that everything is going fine until I mention otherwise and I do not wish to share the ins and outs of my pregnancy. My mum has gone mental on me as I told family a month due date rather than an exact due date as if I find it irritating now I really CBA with this at 40 weeks.

I guess I just want to know am I unusual with wanting to keep things like scan dates, due dates to myself?

You sound a bit hard work tbh. Being pregnant is hardly ‘spiritual’.

Keeping due date to yourself is fine, or just say one later than it is.

As for the scans, surely it would take 1 second to say ‘scan went fine thanks!’ to people who care about you.

Does it really matter if people know your scan dates? They're just being polite, nobody is actually that interested. It you try to keep things unnecessarily secretive you are just stoking more drama.

A quick "it was on the 15th and all good thanks" is much quicker and less attention seeking than "I don't want to tell you because it's such a special and spiritual time"

Yes, I think it’s unusual to not tell close family and friends things like scan dates, how the went etc, but it’s your choice and they should respect that.

As humans, we build bonds with people through things like this though, they presumably care for you and are interested in your life. Your relationships may suffer, but if being so private is important to you, so be it.

Thanks this is all useful to know

Really??? I get that sometimes people can be a bit insensitive asking, “So, when are you going to have kids?” without realizing someone might be struggling with fertility. That’s one thing. But once you’re actually pregnant, why does everything suddenly become treated like some top-secret classified information?

I’m pregnant now, and a few friends who aren’t pregnant themselves and don’t even have long-term partners have asked me about things like scans. Of course, I’m not about to share every single little medical detail, but isn’t it completely natural that people close to you would be curious and want to check in? 🤨

Yes, I think it's unusual.

I completely agree that people can be incredibly insensitive in asking couples if / when they'll have kids, without knowing what the couple might be going through. I hate that too. However, I don't see a problem asking about the due date etc. If it's people you're close to, they just care about you and your family, and people you're not close with are probably just being friendly.

If you don't want to go into detail with people, you're probably best off keeping answers short and polite, rather than saying you want it to stay secret. That's more likely to lead to more prying rather than less.

I don’t think it’s unusual at all to not want to share every detail of your pregnancy with people - even friends and family! What is it about pregnancy that makes women’s bodies a community project? I don’t see anyone demanding to know when my period is or when my Pap smear is or when I had a migraine or a miscarriage, or when my DH and I are planning to have sex or in fact any scan or appointment a child has once born. I don’t share details of my scans either and am very lucky my friends respect my decision to share what I want and not bombard me with questions. Being close to someone doesn’t give them the right to all your details - if you don’t share financial details or other medical details you don’t need to share scan details. It’s almost ghoulish wanting to be that involved in someone else’s pregnancy. They can see baby when born. Don’t feel pressured - just say you prefer to not discuss scan details as it’s private and a delicate time but you’ll let them know if anything changes. Your body, your pregnancy, your decision what and when to share with whom.

YANBU to want to keep the details to yourself but YABU to describe it as a spiritual experience. You’re up the duff mate, you’re not the Dalai Lama.

Yes you do sound hard work. It’s completely normal for people to ask these questions particularly your own mum why would she not want to know about her grandchild. Your sister in law probably backed off because she’s scared to upset you. I completely get some things are just for you and partner but it’s nice to know people care and are excited for you. All of this is normal I think your response to it isn’t tbh

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

You sound really difficult. It's pretty standard to ask a pregnant woman how scan went and due dates. Just give a date 2 weeks later if you want to be left alone a bit. Hiding a due date is just awkward.

Slightly odd to have shared you were pregnant before the first scan. 12 weeks is standard to announce , after first scan. I even waited until after 2nd scan for my last baby.

Slightly odd to have shared you were pregnant before the first scan. 12 weeks is standard to announce , after first scan. I even waited until after 2nd scan for my last baby.
It really isn't. I hate this expectation that it has to be secret till first scan. If anyone wants to keep it secret that's their choice of course but it's also totally fine to tell people earlier if you are happy to. There's no standard, it just about how you as an individual feel about the possibility of having to update people with bad news. If you're fine with that, as I was, then you can tell who you like when you like and shouldn't be considered odd to do so.