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Original poster

Will I ever stop worrying about loosing my baby?

15 replies

artysmurf · 17/09/2025 21:58

I had a miscarriage early on in the year about 10 weeks which was my first pregnancy. I'm pregnant again and have had my first 12 week scan a few weeks back and all looks and sounds well.
But I'm still nervous to loose this baby as I want to keep it so badly. My mum says she worried throughout her pregnancies but advised me to have my little worry of the day and then try not let the thoughts plague me all day. Just want to open up about how I feel.

OP posts:
AiRoo · 17/09/2025 22:18

Hi,
I could’ve written this myself. I had two losses before this pregnancy, both before 8 weeks, however it was still awful and still a forever “what if”.

im 22 weeks now nearly, and everyone is saying “you’ll relax when….. you’ll feel better when….” All those when’s have been and gone and if anything my anxiety about losing her is worse.

my thoughts are irrational and honestly, I’m miserable about it all. Losing two pregnancies has ruined this whole process for me.

I wish I was saying to you “it’ll get better when….” But that hasn’t been the case for me.

I have reached out to perinatal mental health and they’re visiting me next week. So far they have been fantastic, non judgemental and super supportive.

its such a head f*ck, excuse my French. Societal pressure depicts we should be shouting from the roof tops and happy, but that’s just not the case for me. It’s really really sad. I feel robbed of this experience from my previous trauma and loss.

I hope you do have a better experience than me as the weeks go on, and your mum is wise in her words. But, if things don’t improve please reach out to perinatal mental health. It really is good to talk about how you’re feeling.

I guess we just love our babies SO much already that the thought of something happening is just not worth thinking about.

I wish you all the best and message me if you want/need to talk further.

✨

obviouslyuncomfortable · 17/09/2025 22:21

I had a loss before each of my successful pregnancies and unfortunately no, I never really stopped worrying. Even 8 years on im still annoyed that it robbed me of the pregnancy with my oldest because I couldn't/didn't let myself enjoy it or look forward to him arriving

Just keep telling yourself it's a different pregnancy, different baby and likely a different outcome.

Purplemoon16 · 17/09/2025 22:24

My experience is the worry is always at the back of your mind. It becomes more reassuring when you can feel baby move, as you know at that moment they are ok!

ToKittyornottoKitty · 17/09/2025 22:24

I never stopped worrying. When I was pregnant with my eldest there was a great pregnancy after miscarriage thread (or run of threads) on here that really helped as we all felt the same, people on there always said to remind yourself that ‘today I am pregnant’ and try and not worry too much further on that that. Take one day at a time, today you are pregnant.

Haveiwon · 17/09/2025 22:28

The worry never stops! Early pregnancy, worries about miscarriage, later pregnancy- worries about still birth.

And then when the baby is here it’s even worse! Cot death, accidental suffocation when tiny, choking during weaning and all of toddlerdom tbh, crashing the car etc. Honestly I could go on for ever. And mine are still small- havent got to the huge worries about what teenagers get up to!

I think the worry is part of being a parent. But sounds like your mum has a good idea. Acknowledge the worry for a few minutes but then try to make yourself think of something else and don’t dwell as that way pre-natal/ post-natal anxiety lies!

user2848502016 · 17/09/2025 22:56

I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks then got pregnant with my second DD, the worry was in the back of my mind through the whole pregnancy if I’m honest but did get a bit better the further along I got, especially after the 20 week scan

Bubsmama · 17/09/2025 23:22

I’ve had several consecutive miscarriages due to an underlying illness now picked up.
so I was high risk. And I never stopped worrying.
Every day was anxiety ridden for me…the extra scans and the 20 week scan helped
I also went in three times for reduced movements (all fine).
it was exhausting but I realised I couldn’t change my mindset due to my previous losses and health. I just had to literally take a day at a time.
although not advised I absolutely loved my Doppler and I would use it everyday which massively massively helped.

i am currently feeding my 4 week old little girl. She is perfect and it was a textbook pregnancy and delivery…

Kaybee1989 · 18/09/2025 02:36

Like other PPs it never really goes away. For me it eased when i could feel movement because when I’d have a panic, thinking that she’d gone I’d have a poke of my bump or drink cold water and she’d give me a little kick or move in someway giving me that instant reassurance. But I still worried, about the birth, if it would be traumatic or c-section etc, then what would I do with a newborn?! She’s my first and I had no idea what to do. Then it’s day to day life that you worry about, car accident, someone dropping her…. But you’ll be fine! All I can say is that it does ease, maybe the hormones ramp it up in pregnancy, but it doesn’t go away. It’s natural to worry upto a point, but if this is affecting you too much go and see someone they’ll find ways to help you cope 💕💕

OrderInChaos · 18/09/2025 06:33

I wish I could say it stops but for me I lost my first at 22 weeks and throughout my second pregnancy I was an anxious mess. Near the end I had daily trips to check movement and I was scared of being away from the hospital. I'm sure you won't get to that point as I was pryan extreme case but I say it because at no point did anyone judge me for it. The receptionists, midwives and doctors all supported me massively, I could ring anytime and they knew how to help me.
Lean on the support offered from bereavement midwife and/or perinatal because that was amazing for me.

You always worry as a parent but for me it is different worry after birth, during pregnancy you don't have a window to what's happening but after birth you can see them and reassure yourself they are there and are ok. My worry this week is around him being behind at school as an August baby - it's a worry but it's nothing like the anxiety I had during pregnancy.

I like your mum's idea, if you can do it great but if the anxiety seeps through at other times lean on the support offered. Wishing you all the best

Original poster
artysmurf · 18/09/2025 07:30

AiRoo · 17/09/2025 22:18

Hi,
I could’ve written this myself. I had two losses before this pregnancy, both before 8 weeks, however it was still awful and still a forever “what if”.

im 22 weeks now nearly, and everyone is saying “you’ll relax when….. you’ll feel better when….” All those when’s have been and gone and if anything my anxiety about losing her is worse.

my thoughts are irrational and honestly, I’m miserable about it all. Losing two pregnancies has ruined this whole process for me.

I wish I was saying to you “it’ll get better when….” But that hasn’t been the case for me.

I have reached out to perinatal mental health and they’re visiting me next week. So far they have been fantastic, non judgemental and super supportive.

its such a head f*ck, excuse my French. Societal pressure depicts we should be shouting from the roof tops and happy, but that’s just not the case for me. It’s really really sad. I feel robbed of this experience from my previous trauma and loss.

I hope you do have a better experience than me as the weeks go on, and your mum is wise in her words. But, if things don’t improve please reach out to perinatal mental health. It really is good to talk about how you’re feeling.

I guess we just love our babies SO much already that the thought of something happening is just not worth thinking about.

I wish you all the best and message me if you want/need to talk further.

✨

Thankyou for your message. I'm sorry what you went through. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I'm glad to meet ones on here though so I Dont feel alone in my experience. I feel like talking about it is part of my healing process. I totally get what you mean when you say loosing pregnancy’s has ruined your current pregnancy. It is hard to be happy sometimes when you think of the other loss(s). I'll certainly consider perinatal mental health if I feel worse. But I'll keep trying to focus on each appointment as like a milestone. I did feel really happy recently going for a check up and hearing babies heart beat it really gave me a happy boost. I wish you all the best in your pregnancy 🧡

OP posts:
PreciousTatas · 18/09/2025 07:33

Please reach out and get some mental health support. I dearly wish that I had.

I'd lost multiple times before having dd, two very late so I didn't even feel less anxious as we neared the end.

I feel like I lost the first few years of her childhood as I didn't seek help and the pnd/anxiety of something taking her away from me never left.

I wish I'd gotten help sooner.

Original poster
artysmurf · 18/09/2025 08:06

obviouslyuncomfortable · 17/09/2025 22:21

I had a loss before each of my successful pregnancies and unfortunately no, I never really stopped worrying. Even 8 years on im still annoyed that it robbed me of the pregnancy with my oldest because I couldn't/didn't let myself enjoy it or look forward to him arriving

Just keep telling yourself it's a different pregnancy, different baby and likely a different outcome.

Thankyou I will. Yeah I suppose I wont want to look back and think I didn't let myself have any fun. Sometimes I've felt there's no point buying baby stuff yet till I know its still healthy in the 2nd scan. My husband is so excited he comes home from the aldi supermarket with a new baby book almost everytime 😂 he even read to my very little bump this morning before going to work! He's so funny. I want to be more like him. I think I will try celebrate more. I like the idea of recording the growth of my bump and watching it grow in pictures.

OP posts:
Original poster
artysmurf · 18/09/2025 08:07

Purplemoon16 · 17/09/2025 22:24

My experience is the worry is always at the back of your mind. It becomes more reassuring when you can feel baby move, as you know at that moment they are ok!

I definitely can't wait to feel baby move I feel like the pregnancy will be more real to me once that starts

OP posts:
Original poster
artysmurf · 18/09/2025 08:11

Haveiwon · 17/09/2025 22:28

The worry never stops! Early pregnancy, worries about miscarriage, later pregnancy- worries about still birth.

And then when the baby is here it’s even worse! Cot death, accidental suffocation when tiny, choking during weaning and all of toddlerdom tbh, crashing the car etc. Honestly I could go on for ever. And mine are still small- havent got to the huge worries about what teenagers get up to!

I think the worry is part of being a parent. But sounds like your mum has a good idea. Acknowledge the worry for a few minutes but then try to make yourself think of something else and don’t dwell as that way pre-natal/ post-natal anxiety lies!

I have heard the worrying never stops 😆 I suppose I'll have to accept its normal just to keep it in its place. I mean its probably abit healthy to worry otherwise you'd be a rubbish mum if you didn't see potential dangers- so maybe I should view worry as not the worst enemy just something that needs to not get out of hand 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
artysmurf · 18/09/2025 08:28

PreciousTatas · 18/09/2025 07:33

Please reach out and get some mental health support. I dearly wish that I had.

I'd lost multiple times before having dd, two very late so I didn't even feel less anxious as we neared the end.

I feel like I lost the first few years of her childhood as I didn't seek help and the pnd/anxiety of something taking her away from me never left.

I wish I'd gotten help sooner.

My heart really goes out to all you mums and women out there. You all must be made of strong stuff to have still kept trying for a baby despite sometimes having more than 1 misciarage. 🧡 this chat has been amazing for me. I've been writing down all your helpful tips and will stick on my fridge to remind myself of all these helpful points. You are all amazing 🧡

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