Wedding help!!!

[Jessica7640]

I found out afew days ago I am pregnant, it was a total shock and surprise but a very happy one! The problem is I have been planning my August 2026 wedding for the last year and I now realise I will have a 3 month old baby at the wedding 🫣 I’m in two minds now between postponing my wedding for another year (which will cost me around £3000 in admin fees) or to just go ahead with my August wedding and hope for the best! The thought of waiting another year kills me too! Of course I am partly concerned about how I will look and feel (tiredness wise) on the big day, but I also worry about all the last minute wedding admin I will have to do before the day whilst caring for a newborn. I don’t want to ruin my newborn bubble as I am 36 and I know this will be my last baby! Any help and opinions are so so needed! Thank you!!!

Well I wouldn't postpone it it's going to cost you that much. What sort of last minute admin? Can you not just scale it back a bit? I got married with a toddler and baby and did it cheap and just had to get ready and turn up. We used the venues decorations that they had up all the time and had a buffet so no faffing with schedules or seating plans.

Honestly cancel it and use the money to go on holiday with baby. It’s not worth it anyway! Plus you won’t look or feel your best. You won’t be able to plan a dress because you won’t know your size. It’s too much pressure and all round waste of money especially with a new baby

I got married last year.
there wasn’t any last minute wedding admin for us.
weddings only have to be as stressful as you’re willing to make it tbh.
id keep the date.

Have many kids do you have, are they all with the guy you will be marrying? The legal contract aspect of marriage is more important to protect you than the "wedding day" aspect. If it will be £3000 to postpone then presumably the day is costing you a lot more than that in total. Would that money go a long way in equipping you for the baby's needs as well as a financial buffer for maternity leave/childcare costs?

I know someone who did this, very similar situation and the wedding was brilliant they just had to be very organised in the lead up

My cousin got married with a 3 week old baby. We all thought she was brave/mad but it worked beautifully. She had to get her dress let out to account for post baby body so maybe it didn’t fit perfectly and spent some of the day in a room breastfeeding but no one cared- her Mum helped a lot and it was a lovely celebration of their family.

She carried the baby down the aisle instead of a bouquet and everyone melted. It was a very relaxed day with just a ceremony, speeches and sit down meal on the schedule, there was no rushing around which I think helped

I ended up with a very high needs baby. I wouldn’t have struggled to attend my own wedding at 3 months, let alone be dressed up or enjoy the day. My advice is to cancel or postpone if you really need the big wedding.

in the meantime, head to the registry office for a quick legal wedding now.

Can you bring the wedding forward by any chance? Maybe a Christmas wedding? I would not want to manage a wedding and a newborn, unless you have an incredible support network.

I'm in the exact same position - due this november and our wedding is february 2026! Baby boy should be about 3/4 months old.

It depends what kind of wedding you want. We've always wanted a relaxed, informal day with only 50 guests and no bridesmaids or groomsment at a farmhouse style venue so it didn't feel super overwhelming when we found out I was pregnant. We're also sorting out everything before baby is here - wedding favours, florist, ceremony details, paying suppliers, etc. We are meeting with the events manager at the venue next week to do the tasting and I'll then get formal invitations out so hopefully all I'll be doing when baby is here is chasing for confirmation and, if I'm honest, I'll probably get my mum to help tie the final few people down haha! What last minute admin are you worried about?

The venue is fairly local and we're planning to stay the night before - is that an option so you don't have to worry about transporting baby, dress, etc over early in the morning and can hopefully have a bit more of a restful start to the day?

The one thing I won't be sorting until just before is a dress (obviously) but I've never been bothered about that and will find something even if it's a high street number that's altered.

I'm actually super excited about having our little one at our wedding and he'll be the perfect age where he isn't mobile and can be passed around family for lots of cuddles - if you push your wedding date back you'll have to be minded that a toddler will be much more mobile and demanding in a different way!

Wedding nannies are also a thing and I've booked one for the evening to look after baby and do bedtime routine so it doesn't fall on us or family to do and everyone can relax. You can book them for all day/night if you'd like to but our family were adamant they'd help and I had to put my foot down at a nanny helping in the evening.

I'm also planning on bottlefeeding - if you're breastfeeding you'll obviously have to factor that in and that may influence what you want to do.

I got married when ds was 3.5 months. It was fab! He was still very portable at that age. My mum, bless her, took charge of him throughout but really he was angelic. Like most babies he loved parties with loads of adoring relatives to play with. I was able to dress him up in cute-tastic blue silk knickerbockers as he was too young to fight me 😂 he slept throughout the ceremony but I had a first dance with Dh followed by a first dance with ds in my arms. Provided youve got someone/people in the bridal party who can be officially responsible, it’s fine.

As for your dress… so what? Either go for a very supportive corset top, or something flowing and easy. I had a dress made with buttons down the front so could have breastfed if I’d needed to (in fact we couldn’t get that far and he was on formula by then). We also delayed the honeymoon so that we weren’t trying to do the wedding and go away on the same day, but that’s pretty normal. We didn’t have an evening do, just did lunchtime ceremony and meal with a kind of tea dance. We just did a register office with the reception at a community centre so it was good that we weren’t travelling far between them, but again that’s pretty normal these days. Don’t sweat it - have fun!

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

All babies are different in temperament and needs. There is no way of knowing what kind of a baby you will get and whether having them there will be a breeze or a nightmare. All mothers are different too, and there is no way of knowing how you will feel, emotionally or physically.

Personally I’d bring the wedding forward, not put it back. You’ve already been organising it for a year - surely it’s basically done?!

Realistically I think you have 2 options, either bring it forward or cancel, but I do think if you cancel you might not end up getting married as quickly as you thought, or even at all, as life is so busy with a baby/toddler and it just gets pushed to the back of your mind.
Realistic thoughts on a wedding 3 months postpartum - It is true that you do not know what kind of baby you will have, some are more difficult than others, due to colic, not settling, or medical reasons etc. You might have an unplanned c section as childbirth is so unpredictable & that takes time to heal.
They might cut you, which again takes time to heal and feel normal.
Do you plan on breastfeeding? If so it's not guaranteed the baby will take expressed breast milk from a bottle if that's what you plan on doing for the wedding, I EBF and my daughter would not take to a bottle because of being used to the nipple, so I had to feed on demand - at your own wedding this isn't ideal.
Screaming baby - again not ideal at a wedding, this will get both you & baby flustered.
You might not look or feel yourself, due to potential weight gain & tiredness. I always describe my first year as feeling like a zombie, due to lack of sleep with night feeds and babies just being babies through the night.

I don't think you would enjoy your wedding, as you are physically, emotionally and mentally drained from having a newborn, and I didn't have much energy to do anything big, never mind having the added stress of going to my own wedding.
But of course everyone has different experiences, I'm not saying you will experience the same, but the issue here is you just don't know how it will go for you, it's the unpredictability of it all really.
I just don't think you will get the day of your dreams 3 months postpartum which would be a disappointment as it's cost you both a lot of money.

Or postpone like you say, but I wouldn't commit to making any future formal arrangements until the time feels right for you, as even with a 1 year old that has its own challenges.

Keep the date! If baby will have lots of lovely family to look after them then why not? Plus they'll be so small in the wedding photos it'll be adorable.

Keep your wedding date. At that age, they still sleep loads and you'll have plenty of offers for cuddles. Congratulations

Congrats!
Do you have other children? A friend had similar and brought her wedding forward and was 4mths pregnant at the ceremony. They already had a 3yr old and she was glad she married when she did. Her 1st baby was very easy. The 2nd ended up having a milk protein allergy, didn't settled and it was incredibly stressful for them all as it took ages to work out the problem.

She told me that they likely would have never married or had to wait many years if they hadn't had choose to marry sooner whilst pregnant. Are you charged to move the date sooner for a smaller group then have a larger party next year?

Personally I would bring the wedding forwards. I got married at 27 weeks - wore a normal dress and didn’t have a bump. The day was about us and we had a lovely honeymoon just the two of us before our whirlwind arrived. And what a whirlwind they were! Super colicky baby, wanted to be held constantly and had to adhere to a strict routine. I wouldn’t have been able to manage a wedding at 3 months. Some nights they just did not settle and cried for 8+ hours. I would have cried if I had my wedding in the morning!
Having said that, we have recently been to a wedding where the couple had a 7 week old baby who was a settled dream! They hired a nanny for the day and enjoyed themselves. I guess you never know what your baby will be like, and if you will manage.
However as said before, why add the stress, do a quick wedding beforehand and make it about yourselves 🥰