Husband doesn’t want a 3rd child

[veryniceverynice]

My husband and I have two children. They are both under 3. I can’t get out of my head that I think I want a 3rd child, but my husband really isn’t keen. He is worried about the financial aspect and the attention we would be able to give 3 children. We are both one of 4, and I think I want a bigger family than the 2, but I do understand his worries, I have them too. I don’t want to push a 3rd child if he’s really not keen, but am I always going to live with regret if we don’t have one?

You’re going have to learn to live with it. A child deserves to be wanted by both parents.

This. And this was my position too. I wanted a third, dh didnt. We now take a relative with us most holidays and going from 4 to 5 really is a big jump financially as everywhere is set up for families of 4.

Give it another year then think about it again.

With 2 under 3, I think the idea of adding another child to the mix could just feel insane while still really in the thick of it - that may not be the case in a years time when eg you’re back to proper sleep.

We were in this situation, I desperately wanted a third child, husband did not. We have 2 boys so the possibility of a girl was definitely part of it.

We argued about this for a long time before I finally accepted we were sticking at 2. I thought I would always regret it.

However my boys are now 14 and 12 and my husband was absolutely right. 2 is more than enough. Especially as one son has ASD plus other diagnoses which have been challenging and I just couldn’t have coped with 3. You don’t know what will come up in the future.

I also found that as I got older, the longing for a third and a girl subsided.

We have two girls , 1& 6 , from the minute our youngest met our eldest I longed for a 3rd child . I am an only child and I love the beautiful bond my girls have as siblings . I love being a mum of 2 but my husband is adamant as we both turned 40 this year and i had difficult pregnancies that we are done at 2 . Sometimes I find it really hard to get past the longing for a 3rd but as the youngest gets older and we sleeping better and moving away from bottles etc I do start to think that i wouldn’t want to go back to that and how much harder it would be with a toddler and a older child . So as sad as it is I know I won’t get the 3rd child I long for but I have to be grateful and enjoy every minute of my girls

I have 3 and love my kids and I dont regret my decision. We was both set on a 3rd and it has completed us.

HOWEVER it is hard! I never sit down and we are running out of "space" both physical space ( 5 seater car is feeling snug, house is snug) and mental space there is always something to do! Its also financially a lot- holidays cater to 4, days out -family tickets are for 4 people, eating out is £80 + and that will only go up as they get older.

You really have to both be on board to commit to the chaos!

I don't blame him, he sounds sensible, listen to him (mother of three)

Perfectly put.

Absolutely.

In time you'll be glad you stopped at two. However feeling broody will happen occasionally, you just have to learn to manage it while it lasts.

It sounds so selfish that we read this all the time on Mumsnet “I’m so desperate for a third!” Your current children will have a better life with more attention and money if you stick with two. Put your children first, not your own wants.