Who do I call in labour?

[Mslongears]

I live with my partner and two young children, with no family or friends around. He works long hours and he is just awful at answering his phone. I've currently been trying to call him since 8am regarding an appointment I have, because I need to confirm that he'll be around for childcare. No luck. He's always been dreadful at answering the phone. So now I'm starting to worry about when I go into labour! I'm actually considering a home birth because of this, but because of previous complications they're going to want me in hospital for constant monitoring. So what do I do if it happens while I'm at home with my child and I'm unable to get hold of him?! I've expressed my worries and he says there's not much he can do because if he's busy he can't answer the phone, which I do get. I feel I need a backup, but I know no one😫Baby #4 so will likely come quick too, my last came in 1 and a half hours!!

He was likely this useless before you had children, then you had 1, then 2, 3+ children with him, did you expect him to become less useless? I can't understand why women continue to have child after child with these useless men.
What if your house was burning down and he wasn't answering the phone? Madness that you put up with this

I hate the way people are more focused on the number of living children you have and being unkind about the #4

my husband had a heart attack and I didn’t know. Worked in a school, not allowed mobiles for safeguarding. The office didn’t tell me when he rang them. To be fair he didn’t make it clear he was in an ambulance. But sent an internal email. We weren’t allowed to check emails while teaching. Toxic workplace. I didn’t see until after school.

i bought a cheap smartwatch so can see incoming calls and text messages. Switched off notifications for FB messenger and emails etc. was not about to be caught out again.

unless he has a job where you aren’t allowed mobile phones because of security arrangements then there is no reason not to have a cheap smartwatch and turn of volume on notifications.

At the end of the day, if you go into labour then call an ambulance. A safe arrival of your baby is what is needed.

Unless he works for MI5 or is fighting in the bloody Gaza Strip he has absolutely no excuse for not answering his phone. Stop justifying his actions and therefore perpetuating this problem. If he doesn’t put you, his family, before his bloody job you need to have some very hard conversations with him!

Planning a HB still requires planning for childcare, even more so if there have been previous complications though you don’t state what they were.

if you needed transferring in for any reason at all and no childcare arrangements, the community midwives would be required to raise it as a safeguarding concern and get assistance from social care as it’s not appropriate to have children in a birth situation that is escalating (no issue for a straight forward birth at all) as this can be traumatising. Not only that but UK delivery suites are not staffed to accommodate unsupervised minors.

I would suggest there needs to be a really definite conversation regarding priorities around work and home life responsibilities to be honest, ignoring a phone for hours on end as a parent/impending parent is just not possible. Only a few exceptions to this as previously mentioned.

This sounds like an abusive situation. He works for himself, of course he can answer the phone. Nothing should be more important than being there for you and the kids. He sounds like a pos keeping you hanging on in a state of anxiety for no reason knowing you have no nearby support. Frankly, leave and be with friends and family who can support you.

I would get his phone and change the settings so that when you and only you phone him, it makes a horrible loud ring tone until he answers. I’m sure there will be a way to do this (not that I know of it).

This is really odd. Why do you know nobody? Is this a coercive relationship? Normally women with children do everything they can to get to know people. What will you do, pregnancy aside, if you or one of your children get unwell?

Is this man the father of any of your children and of this baby? He does not sound very invested in the family. When you say “ he can pay” does that mean you do not share any finances?
Can you speak to your midwife? There are organisations set up to help socially isolated women. Please try to get some support networks going.

My dh works for himself in a busy, need to do this ASAP, job. I called him when my waters went with baby no. 3, he got home before I did.

Your dh needs to step up

First child isn't his. When I had #3 we had been together for 7 years, but he started getting very absorbed into his work not long after I had baby, taking on new clients and investing a lot into it. Can I make it clear he IS a good dad when he's home. He's rubbish at answering his phone to everyone though, not just me

My family are simply abusive tw@ts who I have no contact with for good reasons, and I don't have friends, probably because I never had the time pre kids. Plus bad social anxiety. Youngest child is his, but we'd been together for 7 years before we had him as we wanted to ensure we were both stable first. After he was born he started getting worried more and more over money, so he started taking on more clients and we started seeing him less and less

OP what work does he do?

I mean there's being rubbish at answering your phone and then there's not answering your phone when your wife is in labour. He needs to grow up quite frankly.

This is mad.

A childminder is a good idea. Or a neighbour?

I'm sorry you can't rely on him, he really ought to make more effort to be reachable for something so important!

When my neighbour went into labour with her last baby she knocked my door and asked me to watch her other child. I ended up watching him for 2 days which I didn't mind her child was same age has one of mine.

I am so sorry, this sounds really difficult for you. Do you think it would be useful for you to have some outside help? It is very difficult trying to do everything on your own and even more so when you are worrying about labour. Could you see if there is Home Start near to you? The volunteers are trained to be there for people.

Book an induction instead! That’s what I did for my second and third kid. Easy! Problem solved so I don’t worry closer to the date.

My youngest was induced at 36 weeks for IUGR, so there's about a 70% chance this baby will have it too. So it's quite likely I'll need another induction anyway, which part of me fears due to the trauma it caused (no pain relief & baby came extremely quickly). But then again it would be quite convenient. I wouldn't want to go down the induction route unless medically necessary though. I'm not due until next year so partner said yesterday that he'll be more alert nearer to the time, and will stay near to home so he can drop me off at the hospital when needed if I'm not allowed a home birth for medical reasons

Sorry to hear that it was a bad experience. I got induced with all of my 3 kids and it worked out great as I knew when, where and most importantly I got the epidural before contractions started. In terms of pain relief, if you are keen to have, make sure you request it before starting the process. Sometimes they push you to wait but I was nope. It’s not going to happen! I got my epidural set up and working and then started the induction process. 3 kids and I never felt a contraction 😂

You can’t possibly have a home birth if the only adult you know can’t be relied upon to even answer the phone. Why do you think labouring alone with small children is going to be the easier option than sorting out getting to the hospital. Who is looking after the children while you are in labour?