Telling my friend who’s struggling to conceive Im pregnant

toddle19 · 2025-09-10T19:48:21+00:00

Im due to meet up with a couple of my friends later this month and I’ll be telling them Im pregnant (I’ll be around 23 weeks by then). One of my friends has been ttc conceive for a couple of years (since we had our first babies, and Ive had another in that time and now pregnant with my third). I feel like I want to text her before we meet up to let her know Im pregnant just so it’s not a surprise for her. She and I both had ectopic pregnancies in 2022 (me) and 2023 (her) and I know how triggering it can be to be around pregnant women when you’ve been through that. Im just not sure how to word it, can anyone help me in what to say?

Wiennetta · 10/09/2025 20:53

Definitely by text in advance is nice - it means she’s not taken by surprise in person/has to react face to face. It gives her a bit of time to process before you see each other.

Can you tell the other friend/s you’ll be seeing in advance too? So you don’t make a big announcement on the day.

I always ask ChatGPT for ideas on how to phrase something like this! It suggests:

Hey, I wanted to share that I’m pregnant with you personally before I announce it more widely. I know you’ve been going through a difficult journey, and I understand this news might bring up complicated feelings. Please know that I care deeply about you and I completely understand if you need time or space to process. Our friendship means a lot to me, and I wanted you to hear this directly from me, with love and sensitivity.

OneGoldKoala · 10/09/2025 20:53

Absolutely text her but do it from the heart, not what random strangers on the internet suggest.

I know it’s incredible news that you want to share with your friends, but do think about how your friend will feel if she has to sit through your announcement even if she knows in advance.

FunnyOrca · 10/09/2025 20:57

I had to send a similar text to a friend who has shared a difficult ttc journey with me. I settled on texting her around 6pm on an evening I knew she was home with her husband. I said it straight, gave her the due date and also said I knew it was sensitive and asked her not to feel pressure to respond in a certain way, or at all.

Rubyredshoes12 · 10/09/2025 21:01

First of all, thank you for caring about your friends feelings. You sound great.

I’ve been through baby loss rather than infertility but I can give you some tips:

Text her in advance. “Hi Lauren, I’m really looking forward to catching up with you in a couple of weeks! I just wanted to give you the heads up that I am going to tell the girls that I’m pregnant that night. I understand if you need space to process, please know as well that I am always here for you”
Do not spend all night talking babies. I know it is so exciting for you but my friend did this to me, not long after I had lost twins and sat there all night chatting with the other girls about her pregnancy and baby clothes. I left and cried.

Orangewillow · 10/09/2025 21:06

Having been through this multiple times (as the struggling to conceive friend) I'd definitely agree with texting in advance, and also telling the other friends you're going to see rather than announcing to them when you're all together. Its also nice to not get a pregnancy announcement message in the kindle of the working day, so I'd agree with an evening text!

I really appreciated people who gave me the info briefly, acknowledged it might be hard to hear, and didn't expect a reply/me to jump up and down with excitement, it helped to not feel under pressure to have to be overly happy for them when I was feeling heartbroken! It's really nice that you're thinking about this and how to approach it sensitively x

cinnamonbunlover · 10/09/2025 21:13

Text and be blunt
Hi Amy I want to let you know I advance of us all meeting up that we are expecting a baby! I haven't told the rest of the girls yet but will do at our lunch and really want you to be there but didn’t want to drop this on you. We are due in January x “

Hopingrae · 10/09/2025 21:41

Congrats on your pregnancy OP! You're a lovely friend for your consideration and thinking about this in advance.

Agree with everyone, definitely let her know in advance via text. I had a friend announce face to face in a small group that she was pregnant when she knew I'd just had 2 miscarriages in a row. It was an incredibly painful and uncomfortable experience (which I somehow managed to hide before an emotional breakdown later), I still don't like thinking about it now and I've gone on to have a healthy baby. Unless you've experienced baby loss or infertility it's a hard one to fully get.

Also re the text, I would avoid going too much into how you think she'll feel about it. She may well feel crushed, but don't tell her you know how it'll make her feel...you don't. Like another pp said, keep it brief and fact based. If you pre warn her you're planning to announce at the lunch it gives her the chance to opt out of she'd rather or practice bracing herself for the excited squeals of delight. She will be happy for you, but it'll be mixed with other deeply personal emotions for sure.

mumandmumber · 10/09/2025 22:00

Orangewillow · 10/09/2025 21:06

Having been through this multiple times (as the struggling to conceive friend) I'd definitely agree with texting in advance, and also telling the other friends you're going to see rather than announcing to them when you're all together. Its also nice to not get a pregnancy announcement message in the kindle of the working day, so I'd agree with an evening text!

I really appreciated people who gave me the info briefly, acknowledged it might be hard to hear, and didn't expect a reply/me to jump up and down with excitement, it helped to not feel under pressure to have to be overly happy for them when I was feeling heartbroken! It's really nice that you're thinking about this and how to approach it sensitively x

This. Spot on.

Mutability · 10/09/2025 22:05

I’d not make an announcement. Just tell them all in a very low key way (text or call) prior to meeting up. Then it won’t be a big thing.

If it were me, I’d send them each a text saying ‘hi, looking forward to seeing you on xx date. I wanted to let you know I’m pregnant. Due on xx.’ Then it’s done.

mumandmumber · 10/09/2025 22:11

100% send a text. And keep it
simple.

If you can, drop the ‘announcement’ plan as that will still put her in a really uncomfortable scenario. I would still really struggle with it even with pre-warning. Text them in advance too.

“Hey Amy. Looking forward to our dinner with the girls soon. I wanted to share some sensitive news with you ahead of it. I’m pregnant, 23 weeks. I understand that might be hard for you. I’ll be telling the others soon too, ahead of that evening. No need to respond if you don’t feel like it x”

Original poster

toddle19 · 10/09/2025 22:34

Thank you everyone, some really great advice here. I will definitely text her and really appreciate the tips about making sure it’s in an evening and also that she doesn’t need to reply.
She is the kind of person who will be happy for me, which makes it all the more hard.
I am really not one for pregnancy announcements and really dislike the attention so will be keeping this as low key as possible. I just have to tell people now as I can’t hide my bump anymore x

OP posts:

mechanicalpencil · 10/09/2025 22:36

I just want to say what a lovely, thoughtful friend you are.
And congratulations!

Shinyandnew1 · 11/09/2025 08:49

I just have to tell people now as I can’t hide my bump anymore x

Of course you have to tell people, but it doesn't have to be an announcement in person over lunch.

In a situation like this where someone is likely to be vey upset, I would do as others have suggested and text everyone beforehand to tell them.

OopsieeDaisy · 11/09/2025 15:13

Mutability · 10/09/2025 22:05

I’d not make an announcement. Just tell them all in a very low key way (text or call) prior to meeting up. Then it won’t be a big thing.

If it were me, I’d send them each a text saying ‘hi, looking forward to seeing you on xx date. I wanted to let you know I’m pregnant. Due on xx.’ Then it’s done.

Yes exactly this! No big announcement and no assumptions around how your friend will feel. I’d personally feel uncomfortable being told some exciting news about a friend followed by ‘I know this will be difficult for you’ or similar. Keep it simple!

OneGoldKoala · 11/09/2025 19:30

Just a final thought, you never know what other people are going through… perhaps text everyone (in the evening as others have suggested) in case anyone else is struggling / has suffered a loss that you don’t know about it.

Also HUGE congratulations ❤️

Allswellthatendswelll · 11/09/2025 19:35

I would probably send a group text "Not drinking as I am pregnant! Due ..... " which won't single her out or put her on the spot to respond.
Whatever you do don't say "this may be hard to hear" or anything else like that.
Congratulations!

mumandmumber · 11/09/2025 22:09

Allswellthatendswelll · 11/09/2025 19:35

I would probably send a group text "Not drinking as I am pregnant! Due ..... " which won't single her out or put her on the spot to respond.
Whatever you do don't say "this may be hard to hear" or anything else like that.
Congratulations!

This is so interesting, some other PPs have also said not to mention that is may be hard for her to hear or anything about her feelings too.
Personally I really appreciate that sort of
acknowledgment from a close friend. It makes a big difference and takes the sting out for me. It’s like they are saying ‘I get it. I see you’ but everyone is so different.

Orangewillow · 11/09/2025 22:16

Yes agreed there's definitely a difference of opinion!

I very much wanted an acknowledgement that the news would be hard to hear, and would not have felt good about a group message or a message that just said e.g. I'm pregnant, just wanted to let you know or similar, without anything else

In my case we had a TFMR followed by 2 years TTC and ultimately did IVF, so it was pretty clear to those around us we were finding it extremely hard, so to get a message saying 'I know you'll find this hard' was right on the money.. I can see now everyone might like this though,.depends on the individuals!

Allswellthatendswelll · 11/09/2025 22:24

mumandmumber · 11/09/2025 22:09

This is so interesting, some other PPs have also said not to mention that is may be hard for her to hear or anything about her feelings too.
Personally I really appreciate that sort of
acknowledgment from a close friend. It makes a big difference and takes the sting out for me. It’s like they are saying ‘I get it. I see you’ but everyone is so different.

Show quote history

I guess my perspective was: I wouldn't want to tell someone how they might feel about something and I wouldn't want to come across as patronising. Even if I knew it might be very hard for them to hear it's not a feeling everyone wants to have acknowledged. (I've been on both sides).

However I completely get if it is a close friend and you've talked a lot about it with them, then it might be the right thing to do to acknowledge how it makes them feel.

Basically depends on the person!

mumandmumber · 11/09/2025 22:30

Allswellthatendswelll · 11/09/2025 22:24

I guess my perspective was: I wouldn't want to tell someone how they might feel about something and I wouldn't want to come across as patronising. Even if I knew it might be very hard for them to hear it's not a feeling everyone wants to have acknowledged. (I've been on both sides).

However I completely get if it is a close friend and you've talked a lot about it with them, then it might be the right thing to do to acknowledge how it makes them feel.

Basically depends on the person!

Edited

Show quote history

Totally! It’s quite tricky, as you say, you dont want to potentially sound patronising or assume someone else’s feelings.But personally I’d appreciate the acknowledgement that its hard